


Belonging

by AnotherWriterWhoWrites



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Banishment, F/M, Multi, Powerlessness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherWriterWhoWrites/pseuds/AnotherWriterWhoWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Powerless and banished to America at the time of WWII Loki finds herself falling in love with Steve Rogers as well as living almost a century on earth, from the beginnings of SHIELD to partnering with the Black Widow and Hawkeye to the invasion of the Chitauri as well as the sudden reappearance of her brother Thor. Slowly Loki finds herself being more at home on earth than Asgard ever was. And when faced with the choice of returning to Asgard what does she choose. Does she choose the home she knew since she was an infant? Or does she choose the home that she has adopted and sworn to protect? Lady LokixSteve, future One-sided HowardxLady Loki, future ClintxNatasha</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Human beings were certainly a repetitive bunch of idiots, creating one war after the other with not so much as a single glance towards their history books to learn that what they are doing is wrong and will change nothing. They learn nothing from their ancestor’s mistakes.

Asgardians are the same. 

Perhaps that is why she felt a little bit at home here on Midgard.

Banished. Stripped of her powers. On a foreign land that had barely gotten to the point where it now was with the help of other realms, even if it didn’t know it. 

Trapped here until to show remorse. 

Loki pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as she watched the scene in front of her. 

She had to rely on her words and mind more than ever now. In a land that scoffed at women that wanted more than what was set for them. In truth the only reason she was in a position in the American Army at the moment was because one of the generals had decided to amuse themselves and in a moment of whimsy allowed her to enter. 

Although why she had decided to enter the military when she despised fighting in itself was a mystery to her as well. Perhaps it was because the military would be the best place to offer her protection and a steady income. 

A daughter of Odin and Frigga brought down to this humiliation. 

It could’ve been worse, she mused to herself as the scientists; as they called themselves, she could have been placed in a different country that would bring her down the moment they saw her. 

She tore her attention from the man in front of the room that was giving the others instructions, Abraham Erskine a healer and scientist (the word felt a bit wrong on her tongue), and focused it on the man and woman next to her.

“I still don’t think this is going to work.” the woman, Margaret Carter, said. 

The general, Chester Phillips, snorted. “Well Schmidt wouldn’t have kept the man alive unless he knew what he was doing.”

“He hasn’t told us anything.” Loki said softly. Her use of words and sly manipulation were of use to the military in its own way. She had been the one they sent to talk with Erskine about his formula, despite knowing that she knew nothing of modern medicine and science, she persisted on calling it magic in her head. She had spent hours manipulating the conversation and talking around words and in the end Erskine had told her nothing, nor did the soldiers listening in understand what he was going to do, and Loki had a headache at the end for her troubles. 

Erskine refused to answer anything about the formula, he never wrote any part of it on paper as well. He said that the only reason Schmidt hadn’t killed him was because Erskine had the entire formula in his head and if he died the formula died with him.

When Loki had mentioned, without meaning the formula or anything that had to do with it, how dangerous that was to keep the knowledge only in his mind he had scoffed. 

“Better to die with me than to be used in the wrong hands.” Erskine had said.

She didn’t argue, she saw the point he was trying to make.

“What of the men?” Loki asked General Phillips. “Did he approve of any of them?”

Phillips shook his head in disgust. “Twenty-five of Americas finest men. Top physical conditions. Strong as an ox all of them. Rejected each and every one of them after seeing them train once.”

“Perhaps it is not an American he needs.” Margaret murmured. Her accent coming out a bit heavier. 

Loki bit back a chuckle at the look that crossed Phillips face. 

“We haven’t showed him all of our good boy’s yet.” he declared.

Margaret and Loki shared a look. Loki’s own accent, although she had never thought it had anything in common of any part of Midgard, was classified as British. A quick glance in a book and towns she quickly agreed and claimed to be part a part of Leadworth. Because of that Margaret, who often insisted on being called Peggy, had chosen to form a bit of kin-ship with Loki. 

Phillips turned and started to walk out of the ‘lab’, another word Loki still wasn’t familiar with, and Margaret and Loki followed him. 

“It is his formula and he is the only one who knows it.” Loki reminded him. “We need to follow his guidelines.”

“Not if he keeps rejected each candidate.” Phillips said. He glanced at Loki over his shoulder. “Try to find out what he is actually looking for.”

Loki stopped and nodded before turning back and walking back to the lab. Why she obeyed, she did not know. Perhaps it was because she understood her position in the military and knew the ranks of Asgard and those who needed to be obeyed and those who gave orders. However she rarely was the one who obeyed orders unless her father or brother was giving them. Most of the time she was the one issuing the orders. 

However she wished to stay in this military and she knew she had to follow her orders.

Suddenly a hit of homesickness struck her at that moment, so abruptly that her knees buckled and she grasped the wall she had fallen against as best as she was able to.

The glorious vision of Asgards castle. The rainbow bridge. The gardens she and her mother had loved so much. Her room that was filled with the artifacts she had gathered, her notes, her books, her clothing. The warmth of her brother’s hug. The silence of the library filled with books she has still yet to read. 

Home. Mother. Father. Brother. 

An arm went around her waist and a hand on her arm. Looking up she saw the concerned gaze of Erskine on her.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice still carrying his own accent. 

Wordlessly Loki nodded as she righted herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“A mere moment of dizziness.” she lied. “I am fine.”

Erskine didn’t look completely convinced however he nodded and let go of her. 

“You came back, that means you have questions.” he sighed. “I will be with you in a moment, let me finish this.”

Loki nodded as she stepped back to avoid becoming an obstacle, her eyes obtained a faraway look as she thought.

It had been two years on Midgard. Two years since her banishment. Two years since she had last seen her home. 

Two years was, actually, nothing to her and her people. More of a blink of an eye than anything. However even a year was a long time for Midgardians, so much happened in a simple year. War had broken out over the seas and now the America, where she was currently living in, was joining.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and refused to think of Asgard. There had been no definite amount of years in her banishment, which meant it was up to her to break it and return home. 

How, she had no idea.

She hesitated for a moment before she gave into the image of her brother Thor in her mind. She remembered how he looked in the sunlight and on the battlefield, glorious and the proud son. Proud first born son. Heir to the throne. She remembered how he always smiled at her and praised her, teased her as an older brother did. His over protectiveness when a man showed interest in her.

The look of disgust and disappointment at the moment Odin had banished her before sending her through the rainbow bridge down to Midgard.

Erskine came to her now and when he looked at her he rummaged through his pocket for a moment before pulling out a handkerchief.

Seeing her confused expression he whispered, “You look as if you are about to cry.”

She glanced to the side where the contraption had a metallic surface to see her reflection and saw her eyes were filled with tears. She realized her lips were trembling and she could now feel her eyes watering. 

She quickly shook her head and ducked it in order to secretly wipe at her eyes. Erskine nodded and pocketed the reflection. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Loki nodded before she pasted a smile on her face.

“General Phillips wishes to know a bit more about the candidates that you are interested for the experiment.” she said. “We need to know what to look for when we are picking soldiers.”

Erskine shook his head and waved his hand for Loki to follow him as he walked along the wall of the lab.

“My formula.” he started in his soft voice. “My formula is…a creation. It doesn’t simply affect what is on the outside, the physical body. It affects the person mentally and emotionally, perhaps even spiritually. The DNA is simply the body chemistry and” he continued speaking of what the formula was able to do and what he planned to create with it.

Loki nodded in the parts she was meant to. This worlds magic, they called it science, was still a foreign topic for her and not one that she easily understood.

Erskine, perhaps sensing her confusion, backtracked his words. “In conclusion, it can turn, morally, good into great. And evil into worse.”

“And that is why you don’t simply want one who is physically perfect.” Loki said. 

Erskine nodded. “The serum, mostly the Vita-Rays, will do that regardless; bring a person to the height of the human beings perfection in body. What I am most afraid of is what that person will become because of who they are inside.”

Erskine was silent for a moment as he watched the men run around the room, placing whatever needed to be placed in its proper position.

“Tell General Phillips that I will not bow down to his wishes and use those that he wishes to use.” he finally said. “While the machinery is in place he still needs the actual serum, which I have not yet created it physically. Even if I must wait years I will not use the serum on someone that I do not have one hundred percent confidence that they won’t turn into a monster.” His eyes withdrew into his own memories. “Not again.”

Loki nodded and turned to leave. General Phillips wouldn’t be happy however no one was able to go against Erskine’s wishes.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Although her main residence of ‘home’, so called, was the military base she still found reason to go out into the more populated part of the town. City, she reminded herself. The hustle and running around reminded her of the most busy days in the towns square where merchants would be clambering over each other in an attempt to sell their goods. 

It was still slightly fascinating to her to watch the Midgardians go about their everyday lives. She dodged certain people pickpocketing, powers or not she still knew the most subtle of gestures and how to either create them or avoid them.

Occasionally she would walk a few blocks and then stop, always out of the way of the people walking, and simply watch. 

The fast metallic vehicles that were called cars still amazed her at times. Faster than a normal horse and at times more convenient than a carriage. Stores that were dedicated to selling of various goods rather than a single one. Quantity and mass production of everyday needed items.

She shook her head. There was no need to get too comfortable here on Midgard, she would be leaving soon. 

She hoped.

A commotion in between buildings caught her attention. She didn’t see the people however she heard the unmistakable sound of someone being punched. There was a clash of metals against one another that slightly reminded her of two swords swinging and meeting.

Curiosity getting the better of her she walked into the alleyway to a sight she hadn’t expected. A larger almost man was punching a smaller boy. The smaller boy looked malnourished and sickly; he was barely standing on his legs.

“You just don’t know when to give up, do ya?” the bigger boy asked, almost sneered.

The smaller ones entire body was shaking however he persisted in bringing his hands up. “I can do this all day.” he insisted.

When Loki saw the bigger one turn his body backwards in order to punch the smaller one again she immediately strode forward and grabbed his hand before he was able to bring it forward. Grabbing his arm she whirled him around and slammed him against the brick wall.

The boy struggled for a moment until he saw who had slammed him into the wall.

“A dame?” he said incredulously. 

“A woman.” Loki corrected as she let him go. “Now what the hell was going on here?”

The boy’s eyes shifted to the military uniform she was wearing for a moment before he slid his hands into his pockets. “Nothin’.”

Loki glanced to the side where the smaller boy was still breathing heavily as he watched them in surprise.

She then pushed the boy away. “Leave before I do something worse.”

With one last withering look, which Loki blankly met his glares had nothing on Sifs, the boy walked away with his back straight and shoulders down. 

Loki shook her head in annoyance. “Pride of man.” she murmured as she turned to the other boy. “Are you alright?”

The boy nodded as he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall breathing deeply. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Do you need any help?” Loki asked.

He shook his head. “Don’t think so.” he said as he tried to take a step forward. His knees buckled suddenly and he started towards the ground with a cry.

Loki caught him with her arm around his waist and set him down on one of the crates in the alleyway. 

“Follow my finger with your eyes.” she instructed placing her finger in front of him. When his eyes followed she nodded in satisfaction before reaching up with both hands to feel his head. “I don’t think there’s a bump.”

The boy was smiling slightly. “I told you, I’m fine. Dizziness just…sometimes happens.”

“Rest for a few more minutes, and then you’ll be off.” Loki said. 

The boy nodded in agreement as he leaned back against the wall. Loki spotted a piece of paper on the ground identical to ones that she saw just this morning.

She leaned forward to take it and opened it. 

‘Steven Rogers’ it read. 

A smile came onto her face, this was a military application. She glanced at it and flinched lightly at the list of ailments the boy went through; no wonder the military had refused his service. When she spotted the date of birth however she chuckled.

“You do realize that it is a crime to lie on this, correct?” she asked him. 

The boy gave her a sheepish grin. “How did you know that I wasn’t from Paramus?”

Deciding not to mention that she had no idea where Paramus was she instead tapped the date of birth with her finger. “Stating that you were born in the year 1922, that would make you about twenty years old.”

The smile had slid off of Steve’s face. “I am twenty years old, I didn’t lie about that.”

Loki froze for a moment before she ducked her head. “I apologize; I overstepped.”

“It’s fine, I’m used to it.” Steve said truthfully. He stood on shaking yet solid legs. “I think I’m good now.”

Loki stood as well and handed the folder to him. “You are sure?”

Steve nodded. “Thank you again. For that…” he motioned with his head to the place where the other boy had been punching him.

“Not a problem.” Loki said as they walked out of the alleyway. “You asked how I knew that you weren’t from…Paramus. So you lied of your residence?”

Steve nodded. 

“Why is that?” she asked.

The sheepish grin came back as well as a hand to the back of his head. “Well…I already submitted an application with my name saying I’m from here. So I needed something different.”

“You submitted it before and were rejected?” Loki asked. When Steve nodded she continued, “Why do you persist on attempting to join? I have seen men trying their best to get out.”

He eyed her uniform for a moment. “Because I want to do what’s right.” he said softly. Somewhere in the distance a bell rang to tell the time was close to three. “I need to go; my friend is waiting for me.” 

Loki nodded. “Farewell then, Steve Rogers, unless we should meet again.”

Steve waited in place for a moment. “Can…can I get your name?” he asked as his face reddened.

Loki smiled, noting how the red in his face deepened. “Loki Odinsdottir.”

“Loki Odinsdottir.” Steve repeated. “Where is that from exactly?”

“Leadworth, England.” Loki immediately said.

Steve smiled. “Well then…hoping I get to see you again.” he said before running off. 

Loki mused for a moment on his answer to her question: that he wanted to do the right thing. Foolishness honestly, Midgard or Asgard it didn’t matter nor did it matter what the warrior, soldier she corrected herself as she walked back to the base that served as her home for the time being. In this world where women were pushed down men were more than eager to show their talents off onto the world and come back home victorious and glorious from war. Despite his physical weakness Steven Rogers was a man still and no doubt he had the same yearnings. 

All warriors merely wanted to fight and kill, none cared for the exact reason. They only wished to prove themselves better than the rest.

Loki shook her head however her smile didn’t fade. There was little chance that they would meet again.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki didn’t think of Steve Rogers again until she walked by a room filled with people applying. The only reason she was able to see him actually was because another man moved out of the way and he was revealed for a moment.

She paused to listen and nodded when she heard his name to confirm his identity. 

For a reason she didn’t understand she waited there until Steve was called and watched as he sat in the room, fidgeting after a nurse had come to take his vitals.

She didn’t take her gaze off of him and heard Erskine coming to her side. He was arguing softly with another recruiter and was holding a handful of papers. Erskine shooed away the recruiter and stood by Loki. She nodded in acknowledgement.

Erskine held out the papers which she gave a customary glance. Each paper had the name ‘Steven Rogers’ on it however the place of birth was different on each one.

“Stubborn and unwavering, despite knowing that it is illegal.” Erskine said softly.

“Persistent.” Loki said still watching Steve. 

“He is either very dedicated or very stupid.” Erskine said as he gathered his pages together in a neat pile. “Let’s go see which.”

Loki continued to watch as Erskine walked to Steve and in that soft voice of his revealed Steve’s attempts to enlist. She watched as the color left his face however the light in his eyes remained.

“Do you want to kill Nazis?” Erskine asked.

“Is this a test?” it seemed so strange, to hear such a deep voice from such a small body.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation, no wavering doubt, no shaking tremor in the voice as Steve said “I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care where they’re from.”

Loki tilted her head. She was, still is she corrected herself yet again, the goddess of mischief and lies. Known throughout the realms for her silver tongue and honest face. Her eyes never missed a single tell or something that could be used to her advantage.

She had been looking at Steve since the moment he started talking so that she wouldn’t miss a single thing. So she wouldn’t miss that moment where he gathered his lies together and she would be able to call him out on it.

He was telling the entire truth.

Erskine stared at him for a long silent moment. “You are going to be beaten down.” he finally said. “It is a natural rule of the military to try and beat the others. You especially. The weakest will always be dragged down and beaten.”

An image flashed through her eyes. Of her younger self crouched over a book in the library, eyes filled with tears and ears still ringing with the taunts of the warriors practicing in the courtyard. They could never touch her as the princess of Asgard and younger sister of the overprotective Thor. However, words were at times worse.

“I’m used to it.” Steve said. “And I always get back up, regardless of how badly hurt I am. I stand.”

Regardless of who had pushed her down. Who had sneered at her. Who had taunted and ridiculed her.

She always stood tall and proud. And most of all, she always excelled in her studies and her magic.

Erskine was fighting a smile Loki noted as he leaned back into his chair. He then glanced over his shoulder at her.

Loki nodded once.

Without saying another word Erskine took Steve’s papers and pressed his personal stamp onto it.

Steven Rogers was officially part of the Super Soldier program.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Peggy and Loki were walking down the hallway discussing the newly selected soldiers for the program as they entered the conference room-

“What the hell do you mean because of Loki you allowed an eighty pound asthmatic into Project Rebirth!” Phillips yelled.

-only for Loki to turn around and continue out the door.

“Lieutenant Odinsdottir!” Philips yelled. “Get back here.”

Cursing under her breath, and thinking for a moment just what curse she would have casted no him if she still possessed her magic, Loki turned back and came to the generals side. “Sir?”

Philips was breathing heavily and his eyes narrowed at her. “Do you want to explain yourself?”

“I’m afraid that I don’t know what you are talking about sir.” Loki said calmly. “I have not done anything against regulations as of yet.” Peggy gave a light snort at the ‘yet’.

If possible his eyes narrowed to a smaller degree as he threw a folder at her. Loki caught the folder and opened it to glance at the contents. A side of her mouth lifted slightly at seeing the name ‘Steven Rogers’ on it as well as his background information.

She glanced up. “I’m still not seeing the problem sir.”

He was now gritting his teeth almost audibly. “I’m going to overlook his height; barely past five feet, and maybe his weight;’ I would be generous to call him ninety pounds, and perhaps his asthma; which would automatically make a man unsuitable to be a soldier despite how physically well he would be otherwise. Did you see his medical background however?”

Loki glanced at the section.

Asthma. Scarlet fever. Rheumatic fever. Sinusitis. Chronic of frequent colds. High blood pressure. Palpitation or pounding in heart. Easy fatigability. Heart trouble. Nervous trouble of any sort. Has had household contact with tuberculosis. Parent/sibling with diabetes.

Peggy whistled as she read over Loki’s shoulder. “How is the kid still walking? Forget walking, how is he alive?”

Loki read and reread the list. Almost none of this meant anything to her, excluding a few things that she was able to decipher. However based on how the others were acting it was a big deal.

She glanced once more over the list. Sicknesses of some kind perhaps? Hereditary or not?

“I will admit that I hadn’t looked over his file at the time.” Loki said. “However I was merely going on my knowledge.”

“Knowledge of what?” Philips demanded.

Loki glanced at Erskine wondering if she should tell.

Thankfully Erskine choose to speak at that moment. “Knowledge from me.” he said firmly. “About Rogers. While I haven’t met him before I had heard him before he applied here once more in the hopes of being accepted. His fire and his desire struck something in me. Yes, Loki did help me in choosing him. However even if she had not been there at the moment, I still would have killed him.”

“What the hell does he have that is just so special?” Philips asked. “What makes you want him even more than the other soldiers that you have seen?”

Erskine smiled. “Heart. He has heart.” Loki nodded in agreement.

Philips looked at them incredulously before he snorted and threw his hands up in the air.

“Heart.” he repeated almost mockingly. “The kid has heart. We are in a war and we have soldiers that have heart. Wonderful.”

Still mumbling to himself Philips walked away, agitation lining his entire body.

Peggy waited until Philips was out of earshot before she turned to Erskine.

“You think that’s important?” she asked.

Erskine nodded. “There is nothing more important than a man’s, or a woman’s, heart. Physicality is fleeting however the person’s morals stay forever.”

“And you think Steve Rogers has enough of those morals?” Peggy asked.

Erskine nodded once more. “I know, trust me. I know. I just need to figure out a way to show Philips that.”

“You’ve already chosen him to be the one to take the formula, haven’t you doctor?” Loki asked.

Erskine smiled however he didn’t say anything.

Peggy shook her head in amusement. “We’re placing our faith in your choices doctor.”

He chuckled lightly. “You do not have to worry.” he said. He locked his eyes with Loki’s. “I am a very good judge of character.”

For a reason Loki didn’t understand she felt a shiver go up her spine, something she immediately pushed down and refused to show.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
There are times when Loki would wake up in the middle of the night, not realize where she was because it looked nothing as her room in the castle of Asgard was, and in desperation reach for her magic. Only to discover her magic was completely gone, not even a single trace of it left, and pure panic would well up and take over her.

Until she remembered where she was, why she was there, and everything that came along with it. At that moment she would close her eyes and fall back onto her bed and took deep calming breaths in an effort to calm herself once more.

When those times happened, and they happened nearly every night now, she could have sworn that she had woken up each time with her hands soaked in blood as they had been that day. The overwhelming stench caused even her eyes to water. Her hands, not trembling one bit, coming up to show just how much blood was on her hands and regardless of how many times she would wash them the blood remained. 

Those nights she would close her eyes, press her face deeply into the pillow, and cry silently.

When Peggy would ask her out of concern about the state of her red eyes in the morning Loki would simply smile and say nothing. 

Now, however, was different. She had woken up once more and had chosen to instead of attempting to go back to sleep to walk around the base for the fresh air to clear her head. She pulled on her jacket over her nightgown and slid her feet into her shoes. Almost as an afterthought she picked up the gun next to her bed and placed it in her pocket.

Wouldn’t hurt to carry it with her.

The entire ground was deserted, excluding a few soldiers that were placed on watch who nodded to her as they passed. Loki nodded back out of politeness and allowed her legs to guide her to where she wanted to be. 

Eventually she found herself at the edge of the camp looking up at the stars. A rough sense of familiarity and comfort flowed through her. The moon and its stars, if not the same one that can be seen in Asgard then at least it looked similar enough to fool even her. Perhaps the nine realms were connected under the same sky after all.

She smiled lightly as she continued to look at the constellations, in her mind she remembered her mother telling her and Thor the stories about each and every constellation. She firmly refused to think of the other one as well who was beside her and Thor. Her hand went into her pocket and tightened around the gun, finding a small sense of comfort she would usually have gotten from clutching her knives back home on Asgard.

“Cannot sleep?” came Erskine’s voice from the dark. He walked up to her and joined her side before glancing up towards the sky as well.

Loki settled for simply shaking her head as she relaxed her grip on her gun and slid her hand out of her pocket. 

“Is there something that you wish to talk about, my dear?” he asked her.

She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. There was no reason to tell this mortal anything.

Erskine watched her for a long and silent moment. “Well then, remember that I am always here if you wish to talk.” he said looking back up. 

“What are you doing up then?” she asked.

“I was looking over my notes once more, making sure everything was in order, when I saw you walking. The look on your face suggested that perhaps you were sleepwalking and I followed to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt.” Erskine replied. 

“You said earlier that you are a good judge of character.” Loki said looking at him. “Why did you look at me like that?”

He chuckled lightly. “You are quite a mystery, not only to me but to everyone around you. I simply followed my instincts when I am around you and I know that you are a good person.” He shifted the book he carried in his hands lightly.

She thought back to her dreams, her memories and banishment, and gave a slight shiver. “You don’t know that.”

“But I do.” Erskine said simply. “The important thing is that I trust you and I know which side you are on.”

“And if you are mistaken?”

“I am rarely mistaken.” Erskine said. “However if I am…well then. We’ll see just what will happen.”

Loki glanced at him for a silent moment before she said “Good night, Doctor Erskine.”

He smiled at her. “Good night, Lady Loki. Before you go however, I have a question. About your name.”

“Yes?”

“It’s not British. It’s not English.” he stated. Was that her imagination or a trick of the moonlight or did he really tighten his grip on the book just slightly? “What is it?”

“I don’t know.” Loki said. “I was raised in an orphanage and that was the name that was placed on the piece of paper I had with me.” Having that story, of being orphaned and raised in an orphanage helped to show just why she did not have so many papers that are apparently needed in America.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Erskine said sincerely.

She ignored the slight pain she felt at lying to the man, she hated the feeling. He was such a good man and she had to lie. 

“It’s nothing, I am used to the questions.” Loki said waving her hand.

“Do you know anything about your parents?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “Nothing. But it does not matter, I have my own life now.”

He smiled once more. “That is true. Odinsdottir.”

She smiled at him as well before turning and walking back to her own space, barracks they were called she reminded herself. She would need to get a notebook and start writing all these new words down.

However, there was no need for that as well she mused. Soon enough she would find a way to end her banishment and would no longer have to step foot on Midgard again.

She sighed as she placed her jacket on its hook, the gun to the side of her bed, and slid her shoes off before going back under the covers of her bed. 

She closed her eyes and attempted to get comfortable once more. There was a long day tomorrow of training the new recruits, her nose scrunched up slightly at the reminder that neither she nor Peggy had taught these new soldiers to respect women and would most likely have to suffer through sexist comments for a certain amount of time. 

It was frightening how used to she was getting to that and how little attention she now paid to it. Now, with the Generals happy permission of course, whenever a sexist comment was made either she or Peggy had permission to punch the man who had said it in the face.

Most of the time however she asked Peggy to do it. Loki found that some of her Asgardian strength had remained and she feared that she might accidently kill one of the human soldiers.

The book that Erskine was holding shot through her head once more. She frowned as she attempted to piece out why it was so important to her. Something about the title did sound familiar to her however she wasn’t entirely too sure. She never paid much attention to Midgardian books.

Either way, regardless of what the book was, she was sure that it had little to do with her. She shifted again and attempted to calm her mind as she fell into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outlineing the story so I know what will happen and best of all, I know now what the cause of Loki's banishment as well as the other parts of this story is.


	3. Chapter 3

She and Peggy were watching the newest recruits train. His eyes were on Steven Rogers and his…admirable attempts in ensuring that he kept up with the other warriors. Through the wired traps, the ropes that they had to climb, and the pushups. 

She felt sorry for him, she honestly did. He was breathing heavily and could barely keep the count of the training. In truth he looked as if he was going to collapse at any moment. 

She felt her heart twist as he stopped for a moment to place his hands on his knees and wheeze before shaking his head and continuing through his personal set torture. 

_“Look at her! She can’t even pick up the axe!” she heard some of the warriors behind her call out._

_Ignoring the blush that was spreading on her face Loki shook her head and tightened her grip on the axe. Placing all of her strength into her arms she gritted her teeth and strained to pick up the weapon._

_“You sure that she is Odin’s daughter?” she heard someone say. Her heart stopped at the snickers and she was barely aware of the axe slipping easily through her hands._

_“Strong Odin fathering such a child? Never in a million lifetimes. Frigga must have had an affair at the right time is all.”_

_Loki felt her magic curl around her and settle in her fist as green fire. It surrounded the axe that was somehow still in her grip however she didn’t notice her magic making the axe lighter than it truly was._

_“You would think that she would at least take after Frigga in the looks department. She’s nothing to look at. All pale skin and too dark hair.”_

_A hand came down on the axe she was holding and tugged it out of her hands. Loki’s head snapped up to see Sif staring down at her. With a single tug Sif got the axe away from Loki and turned away to join her own friends._

_Fresh laughter fired off._

_Loki bit on the inside of her cheeks as she felt the threatening tears that were gathering in her eyes._

_A shove from behind brought her straight into the pile of weapons. Her hands immediately came up to catch herself before she could hurt herself. She was more aware of the warriors laughing behind her more than the cuts on her hand._

_A hand took her by the back of her robes and brought her to her feet before throwing her to the ground. She winced as dirt entered the cuts._

_“Go back to the library.” the nameless warrior sneered at her. “Learning magic. No warrior worth their true pride would ever degrade himself to learn magic.”_

_“Magic is a supreme form of fighting.” Loki tried to protest, trying to ignore the feeling of fear ignited in her. “It is bet-ah!” she felt the breath leave her body as a boot came down on her chest._

_“You piss us off.” the boy continued. “Holding your head so high up. Like you’re something. You’re not a real princess. You can’t be the daughter of Odin.”_

_“I am.” Loki wheezed. “I am daughter of Odin and Frig-” she coughed as the boot came down once more._

_“Liar.” he said. “You look nothing like either King Odin or Queen Frigga. You’re not their daughter.”_

_Loki turned to where Sif and her friends were. They were her brother’s friends as well. Perhaps they would…_

_No. They were laughing at her with the other warriors in training._

“Loki? Are you alright?”

She blinked and turned her head to see Peggy staring at her. 

She smiled. “Of course. Simply deep in my thoughts.”

Peggy obviously didn’t believe her however she didn’t press the matter. “The recruits are going on their run now. Let’s go.”

Loki placed her elbow on the side of the vehicle and listened with one ear as the warriors were running behind them. Sometimes Peggy would glance at her in concern however each time Loki would smile at her and silently wave away at her worries. She pressed a hand to her chest as she remembered the boy in training at that time. 

He would later become one of the greatest warriors and would even attempt to court her. 

To her greatest disgust Odin had honestly considered betrothing her to him until Thor had decided to take things into his own hands. His own older brother, overly protective hands. 

The warrior hadn’t come back to fight for her hand afterwards.

She shook her head once more as she and Peggy looked through their papers and marked off the warriors. Peggy had her pencil in her mouth she noted with a small smile.

She turned and watched as the warriors stopped and were fighting to get to the piece of cloth that was tied to the top of a pole. 

“Whoever gets the flag from this pole, gets a ride back with Carter and Odinsdottir.” the commander said. Loki rolled her eyes as the warriors doubled in their efforts to retrieve the flag.

They failed and fell back into place as Steve Rogers walked forward, looking the pole up and down before extracting a metal piece at the bottom and allowing the pole to fall to the ground. He gathered the cloth and handed it to the commander before climbing into the truck next to Loki. He nodded and smiled at her.

Loki smiled as well as she turned away. Her eyes went once more to the pole.

He had used his brains, something most warriors refused to acknowledge and train. 

Most warriors didn’t see a reason to use their brains, she mused as the truck continued forward. From the corner of her eyes she saw Steven look at her and then look away quite a few times.

Small stature and a body that couldn’t use physical training, so instead he used his brains. She had walked through the barracks where these warriors were kept and she had seen in his possessions books whereas most of the other men had brought trinkets of their own.

A scholar then, she settled. A scholar who wished to show that he can be as strong as they are. A scholar placed in a world where there are no time for people like him however a demand for people of the more physical work.

Her eyes went down to her hand. Before, back then with her magic, with a single thought she would have been able to call green fire to engulf her hand and with a simple wave of her hand her magic would obey her every command. 

Silly, womanly, feminine, weak magic.

She smiled bitterly as she gave her own glance from the corner of her eye towards Steven. Perhaps there were some things they had in common than she thought.

And perhaps her ideas could be bettered if she talked with him she mused.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki walked into the laboratory where Erskine was working with the others. He spotted her and walked towards her with another man. 

“Loki.” he said in greeting. He nodded to the man beside him. “This is Lieutenant Loki Odinsdottir. Loki, this is Howard Stark; the man behind the power that will be helping us to create the whole experiment.”

Howard reached out and shook her hand briefly before bringing it up to his lips to kiss the back of it. 

“Nice to meet such a pretty girl in a rough place like this.” Howard said winking one eye.

She smiled back at him. “And such kindness, I am more accustomed to the rougher man.” she flirted back.

If anything his smile widened. “Any moment that you would wish to leave the premise and go to a place where would suit you so much more, all you need to do is say a single word to me and I assure you I shall perform the task to the best of my abilities.”

“Such words, such promises that you make.” Loki said in a slight mocking tone of voice. “Are you certain that you would be able to keep to it?”

“I assure you they are more than words.” Howard protested. “They are solid promises that I assure will come through and work.”

Loki smiled sweetly. “Will they work as well as that floating car that you presented in your most recent showing?” she asked before she slid her hand out of his and walked away.

She heard him stutter behind her and smiled to herself as Erskine came to her side. She grinned at him as he shook his head with a smile. 

“Never saw that side of you before.” Erskine said. 

Loki shrugged. “I haven’t had reason to flirt for a while. I decided to have some fun.”

“I also don’t think anyone said no to Howard Stark in any way, shape, or form before as well.” Erskine said. 

Loki smiled at him. “There is always time for a first.”

Erskine smiled in answer as well. “I suppose there is.”

She then looked around, eyes falling on the machinery that was being brought in. “Colonel Phillips wishes to know how everything is, in his words, going on. He needs to know at what stage that everything is ready.”

“We are almost done, and I have made my choice.” Erskine said. “You and Phillips know who I have picked.”

“I do however the Colonel seems to be in denial.”

They shared a chuckle.

“Doctor!” one of the workers called out in worry. “Doctor Erskine!”

“I will be right back.” he said. He held out his papers and book. “Do you mind holding this for a moment?”

Loki shook her head as she took the papers and watched Erskine walk to the man. She pretended not to notice Howard Stark glancing at her by looking down at the book Erskine had handed to her, it was the same one she had seen with him just last night.

‘Mythology’ it read. By Edith Hamilton.

A man of science and healing reading a book on mythology she mused. Interesting subject. However she wasn’t one to talk. Not all of her readings had to do with magic. She blushed a bit as she remembered some of the hidden books that were located behind others in the library that she had managed to find.

Shaking her head to clear it of the images those books gave her she flipped through the book instead. She snorted at the Zeus and Hera. 

Some parts of the book was marked she realized. She flipped to the first part that had a piece of paper sticking out of it. 

She felt her heart stop when she saw the chapter title. 

Odin. Odin was the name of the chapter title.

She licked her lips as she skimmed the pages and turned each page. A book of Norse myths, some true some not so true. There was no need to fear just because Odin was marked; perhaps that was simply where Erskine left off in his reading. 

Unbidden her eyes went to the second piece of paper, not too far from the chapter on Odin. 

Knowing that she would hate herself if she didn’t look she quickly turned to the marking where the second piece of paper was. 

She felt the blood drain from her face as she closed the book immediately, her hands shaking and her eyes blinking quickly. 

It was a coincidence. A complete and total coincidence. 

Erskine returned to her and it was only through her centuries of practice that she was able to steady her entire body and hand him back his papers and book. 

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence. 

She smiled and nodded without really listening to what Erskine was saying. Her attention turned and turned again and again back to the book that was tucked under his arm.

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence. 

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded in response to what Erskine was saying.

It didn’t matter that the second piece of paper was marking a chapter entitled ‘Loki’. 

It was coincidence. 

Marked ‘Odin’ and ‘Loki’.

Coincidence. Complete and total coincidence. 

However she did notice that Erskine was staring at her a bit more than he was usually. She smiled at him reassuringly, which he answered easily to, however.

However.

He did tighten his grip on his book.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Colonel Phillips looked over the men as they jumped up and down, bringing their arms in unison. “You’re not really thinking about picking Rogers, are you?”

“I wasn’t just thinking about it. He is a clear choice.” Erskine answered with a smile. He had his hands behind his back and was watching the warriors.

“When you brought a ninety-pound asthmatic onto my army base, I let it slide.” Phillips said obviously agitated. “I thought ‘What the hell, maybe he’d be useful to you like a gerbil.’ Never thought you’d pick him.”

“Up!” they heard Peggy cry out to the recruits. Loki watched as they increased their pace, Steve almost doubling over from his effort.

“You put a needle in that kid’s arm it’s gonna go right through him.” Phillips continued. 

“Come on, girls!” Peggy called out.

“Look at that.” Phillips said watching at Steve’s best effort however at the same time his belabored execution. “He’s making me cry.”

“I am looking for qualities beyond the physical.” Erskine reminded him.

“Do you know how long it took to set up this project?” Phillips asked him. “Of all the groveling I had to do in front of Senator What’s-his-name’s committee?”

“Yes, I’m well aware of your efforts.” Erskine said.

“Then throw me a bone.” Phillips almost begged. “Hodge passed every test we gave him. He’s big, he’s fast, he obeys orders-he’s a soldier.” he said about his favorite recruit that he wished to be selected.

“He’s a bully.” Erskine pointed out. Loki nodded in agreement; she had plenty of bullies in her life. More than enough.

“You don’t win wars with niceness, doctor.” Phillips said reaching into the back of the truck. Loki realized he had pulled out one of the smaller weapons; a grenade a corner of her mind reminded her. “You win wars with guts.” He then pulled the pin off of the grenade and threw it into the area where the warriors were training. “Grenade!”

She noticed that Peggy had started to run towards the grenade as the other soldiers, including Phillips selection Hodge she saw, ran as fast as they were able to.

However Steven Rogers threw himself on top of the grenade, curling his small body onto it. 

“Get away!” he screamed out waving his arms to the others. “Go!”

Seconds passed and as the recruits realized that the weapon wouldn’t work, it was supposed to explode Loki remembered from a showing, they slowly came to where Steven was. Steven himself slowly realized what had happened and sat up. He glanced around to Colonel Phillips.

“Was that a test?” Steven asked still panting slightly from the exercise.

Loki paused and felt a smile tug at her lips as she turned towards General Phillips. He caught her eyes and she saw defeat in his own. He glanced back once more at Rogers and she could almost hear his teeth grinding together as he realized just what had happened. 

“He’s still small.” he persisted to Erskine before walking back to the truck, cursing almost the entire way.

Erskine had followed slightly with his head as Phillips had walked away with a smile. When he looked up at Loki he winked once before following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a real book by the way however there is no chapter on Loki, creative license, however there is a real part for Odin in the book. It was published in the 1940s.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki waited outside the building for Erskine to come out. Finally she heard him talking with another person as he neared. When he saw her he smiled at her and waved the other away.

“A message from Colonel Phillips?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “Just. I needed to talk to you about something.”

“I also have something to talk to you as well.” Erskine said. 

Loki waved her hand at him. “You go first then.”

His smile brightened. “Tell me, is Asgard as beautiful as the stories say it is?”

Loki froze, a million thoughts running through her mind at once. Disbelief, immediate desire to protest, to defend her past, to deny what he said, to do something that would help her in some sort of way.

However.

Staring at him, his patient and kind eyes. Eyes that weren’t pushing the answer, that were willing to wait as long as needed to give an answer regardless of what it was. She knew that if she denied what he said at this very moment he would never bring it up again. 

The true question was, did she respect him enough to answer truthfully? Did she respect him enough to not hide the real answer from him? Was she willing to swallow her guilt and her shame in order to properly answer him?

Did she respect this Midgardian, this mortal, enough?

The answer came surprisingly easily to her. 

“More so.” Loki finally said. “Stories very rarely capture the true beauty.”

Erskine still had that same smile however his eyes were almost glittering. “Who are you, honestly?”

“I am Loki. Loki Odinsdottir.” Loki said. “Daughter of Odin and Frigga. Sister of Thor. Princess of Asgard.”

“And why are you here?”

She closed her eyes in pain. “Banishment. Repentance. For a crime I admit that I committed, which I gladly serve my penance.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I feel sorry for the kid.” Peggy confessed. 

Loki glanced over her shoulder at the other woman before turning her attention back to the papers in her hand. “You don’t think that he will be able to go through with the procedure?”

“I don’t doubt his will.” Peggy said. “It’s his body that I’m afraid will give up first.”

“Perhaps that will is all that he needs.” Loki said shrugging. 

Peggy glanced to where they knew Erskine was talking with Steve. Giving him one more chance to leave. Explaining everything that the experiment would do. 

“I was stationed in Germany to help Erskine escape and be brought here.” Peggy said quietly. “I managed to see their experiment on their man.”

“Was it successful?” Loki asked.

Peggy looked torn before she shrugged. “I didn’t see that part however from what I heard it was both a success and a failure.”

Loki frowned. “How is that possible?”

Peggy shrugged once more. “I don’t know, I’m just saying what I heard.”

Loki turned to where Steven was with Erskine at the moment. “It’s a bit more worrisome that he will die however.” Loki asked. “What happens then?”

“He dies.” Peggy answered simply. “But…at least he would able to do what he wanted. He gets to die in the service of his country.”

Loki shook her head as her grip on the papers tightened slightly. “There are worse fates than death, my dear Peggy.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She had been selected to bring Steven Rogers to the area where the experiment was to be done for reasons unknown. They sat in an uncomfortable silence as they road in the vehicle. Loki watched through the window as the scenery flashed past them, enjoying the ride. Carriages were nice however this vehicle was much better in its comfort and its speed. The ones designed for the military especially were quick and easy to maneuver in places where even a horse would have trouble following.

Steven had also been looking out the window silently until he sat straighter in his seat suddenly.

“I know this neighborhood.” he said, his eyes fixed on his own familiar sights. He lifted his hand and pointed “I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot.” He ducked his head downwards now, almost ashamed perhaps. “And behind that diner.”

Loki watched him questioningly. “Did you have something against running away?” To tell the truth she never ran once she learned the proper magic, in retaliation to the attempts beatings that other warriors would do she would curse them in various ways. Her favorite had always been vanishing their manhood’s. 

However the punishment she would receive in return was harsh and her words that they had attempt to hurt her had always fallen on deaf ears. Even to Thor who would always be the first to defend her and attempt to avenge her honor.

“You start running they’ll never let you stop.” Steven said looking at her. “You stand up, push back. Can’t say no forever, right?”

She gave him a small smile, noting the blush that spread along his face. “I know a little of what that’s like.” she confessed lightly to him. “To have every door shut in your face.” Or to be turned away despite excelling at a certain aspect because it wasn’t proper for the child of Odin to be a mage instead of a warrior. 

“I guess I just don’t, why you’d wanna join the army if you’re a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful…a woman.” Steven said. When Loki raised an eyebrow at his word choice he immediately back tracked and stammered as he said “An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but…” he trailed off almost helplessly.

“You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?” Loki asked in amusement.

Steven grinned sheepishly. “This is the longest conversation I’ve had with one.” he confessed to her. “Women aren’t exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on.”

“You must have danced?” Loki protested, her mind going to the many feasts and balls her father had thrown. It had been a requirement for her to dance with certain nobles despite her protests. Nonetheless she had enjoyed dancing; the part with teaching Thor and having her feet nearly trampled in the process wasn’t that pleasant however.

However then came that other man. That noble…

“Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying.” Steven said. “And the past few years just didn’t seem to matter that much.” He then gave a shrug. “Figured I’d wait.”

“For what?”

He glanced at her. “The right partner.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki was starting to feel slightly apprehensive for the whole ordeal. Despite Steven played brave and sure in his decision she was able to see his body shaking slightly. She squashed the urge rising in her to comfort him in any way, there were superiors watching at this moment and it wouldn’t benefit him in any way if she attempted to comfort him.

Erskine met her eyes for a moment before he nodded. She nodded in return and obediently turned to join the other soldiers that were watching the experiment. She looked over her shoulder to where Steven was being strapped into the machine to where Howard was looking over the machines that powered the experiment before she continued upwards.

Erskine picked up the device that allowed his voice to be heard throughout the room and tested it. Loki smiled as some of the men winced at the sounds.

“Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace.” Erskine begun. “We begin with a series of micro injections into the subjects major muscle groups.” As he spoke the nurses and scientists began their work and placed the proper machinery in their places along Stevens body. “The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change. And then to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with vita rays.”

Loki watched as Steven was injected with something they called penicillin, she saw Erskine murmur something to him before stepping back and allowing the machine to come into its place surrounding him. Erskine knocked on the metal and said something, to which Stevens reply caused him to smile slightly.

He nodded to Howard and together they started to work at the machines. The other scientists and doctors fell into their positions and started their work. 

Loki was barely aware as Howard called out numbers, going higher in their tens. She was barely aware of the soldiers and superiors around her that were watching critically. The only thing she was aware of was her own heart beating fast, her labored breathing, and Peggy tightly gripping her hand. 

When Howard called out “Sixty” Steven started to scream in pain. Loki jumped from the sound and before she even knew what she was doing she had ripped her hand out of Peggy’s and had ran down the stairs. 

“Shut it down!” Loki yelled an order to Erskine who looked as if he was about to faint. He ran to the machine holding Steven. “Shut it down!”

“Steven!” Erskine shouted as he banged frantically on the metal. 

“Shut it down!” Loki now almost screamed. 

Erskine turned to where Howard was standing frozen; if Loki had concentrated on him she would be able to see his widened eyes behind the black plastic. However all of her attention was on Steven and his screams.

“Kill the reactor, Mr. Stark!” Erskine shouted to the frozen man. “Kill the reactor!”

Howard barely hesitated as he turned to the machine and reached for the levers. Before he was able to turn it off however Steven shouted “No!”

Their attention turned to Steven who was clearly in pain despite his protests. 

“Don’t!” he almost howled. “I can do this!”

Erskine looked as if he wanted to protest. He looked as if he so desperately wished to stop the experiment, that he regretted picking Steven for the experiment. Loki looked on helplessly as Erskine turned to Howard and nodded.

Howard continued on as if he hadn’t stopped, calling out the numbers as he turned the wheel on his machine. As he called out “One hundred!” sparks flew everywhere. People ducked as the machines reached their capacity before they calmed. 

Silence rang through the room as everyone’s eyes fell on the machine holding the now silent Steven. 

“Steven?” Erskine called. He turned to where Howard was. “Stark.”

Obediently the machine came forward and opened to reveal Steven Rogers breathing heavily and covered in sweat.

However he was built differently, properly for a soldier. He appeared taller and broader. 

The tension in the room loosened as one as everyone realized just what had happened. 

The serum had worked. 

As they watched as Howard and Erskine helped Steven out of the machine as he took a few stumbling steps forward. 

Murmurs filled the room as everyone took off. The serum had created the super soldier that they had wanted. Loki pushed forward through the people to stand in front of Steven. 

“How do you feel?” she asked. 

Steven looked at her, still breathing heavily, and gave a small smile. “Taller.”

“You look taller.” Loki said returning the small smile. His new body, his built. They all reminded her slightly of Thor for a reason.

Loki turned to where Erskine was standing. Their eyes met and she smiled at him which he returned.

The next thing she knew was that there was a shot ringing through the air. Erskine was falling to the ground. Screams. Running. Pandemonium. 

And blood. Blood was stained on the ground. On the machines. 

Blood was everywhere.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She was wearing a formal model of the military uniform. She never had a reason to wear it before. She noted the collar was too stiff and was scratching against her neck. 

She had watched as they brought in the wooden box expertly created down the middle of the room. These rituals were strange. They cultivated the body of those who were dead and buried them under the ground. 

On Asgard funerals were more simpler, she mused, it would be a pyre with the body being surrounded by his friends and family that still lived. The body itself would be dressed accordingly. If he had died in battle then he was burned in his battle armor, the final decoration of a finely done cape covering the entire body labeling how high of a warrior he had been. If the man had died of old age the same would be done, however the cape would be in the color of gray instead of red. Then the body would be placed on a raft, lit on fire, pushed into the ocean, or nearest body of water, and the entire company would watch as the body burned.

This was almost horrifying for her. Not only to watch as the men brought the wooden box that held Dr. Erskine but to open the top to show the body. Although he had been dressed accordingly to his profession there was no denying the wound that had ended his life. Erskine was not a well-built man, therefore it was hard to hide the wound, and it was almost painfully clear that he had been in severe pain at the time that he had died. 

The next part was similar; thankfully, people stood and spoke in memory of Dr. Erskine. They talked of his good deeds and of his beliefs of the world. They spoke of his struggles and his triumphs. They spoke only that which was good of him. 

Quite a bit of the attention, however, was going to the new Steven Rogers. He had been given a new uniform to fit his newer frame. Awkward and shifting in his seat, both because of the attention on him and his own discomfort, Steve reminded her of a boy going onto the road of manhood. Not yet used to his new body which had seemed to have grown overnight. He looked up once and their eyes connected for a moment. 

Loki had turned away first, bringing her attention back to the person who was speaking. 

The time between Erskine’s death and what happened in the next hour were a blur and she was barely able to remember. 

She remembered Steven running after the man that had not only shot Erskine but had attempted to steal the remaining serum. She remembered seeing the symbol that she was told belonged to their enemy called Hydra. 

She remembered following to the best of her ability. 

She remembered shooting her gun in some sort of an attempt to help Steven get the man that had dared to kill Erskine. 

She also remembered the military bringing his the lifeless body of the assassin back. He had killed himself using a hidden poison.

She remembered watching as the blood was cleaned off and Erskine body was picked up and carried away.

She then shook her head. She could no longer bear simply sitting here as she listened to others speak. Quietly excusing herself she quickly and stealthy walked out of the room where the service was being performed and outside where she breathed in the fresh air thankfully.

When she opened her eyes she saw Howard standing a few feet away from her simply watching her. He seemed to come to a decision as he started towards her.

“Want a smoke?” Howard asked when he reached her, holding out what the Midgardians called a cigarette. 

While cigarettes weren’t known in Asgard plenty of others smoked pipes and various herbs that were found in all corners of the nine realms. She herself had never performed the act itself, it had been forbidden by her master in magic whom she held dear and close to her heart, and never been tempted by the disgusting scents protruding from both the pipes nor the breath of those who smoked.

“No, thank you.” she said shaking her head. “I don’t smoke.”

“What a coincidence.” Howard said dryly. “I don’t either.”

Loki stared at him for a moment before nodding. She extended her arm and took the offered cigarette in her hand. 

Howard lit it for her however she couldn’t bring herself to bring it up to her lips. 

“It’s alright, you know.” Howard said without looking at her. “To feel upset. Erskine was a good guy. And now…now he’s gone.”

“The road we all must follow.” she said softly. “Birth, life, death. This shouldn’t come as such a surprise.”

“None of us expected it however.” Howard pointed out. “We didn’t know the guy would be there and we didn’t know that he would have shot Erskine.”

She nodded her head. “True.” she then started to bring the cigarette up to her mouth however brought it back down before she could place it on her lips. 

“He was a good man.” she finally said. She closed her eyes to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over. 

In truth it was Erskine who had brought her to where she was at this moment. He was the one who found her and brought her to the military, claiming that she would benefit them all. It was thanks to him that she got a chance to be here. 

Loki felt her lips shake slightly before she pressed them together tightly. When she felt that she was no longer in danger of crying she finally opened her eyes once more. 

Howard had moved beside her without her realizing. He had placed his hand on her shoulder. 

“He was a good man.” she repeated in a shaking voice. The tears threatened to make another appearance. 

Howard nodded. He didn’t comment on her tears or bring up the fact that she was a woman and therefore ‘more prone to emotional outbursts’ as some of the other soldiers and men in the vicinity would have done. If anything he choose to simply look away and give Loki the few moments of weakness she needed.

She glanced at her from the corner of her eye. She choose to keep away from others on this realm, her time here was limited after all. However in doing so she completely cut herself off from the touch of another person. Erskine occasional touch of her arm or shoulder, Peggy hugging her sometimes was all she had to call touches of another person. Howards hand on her, and it staying there unlike the fleeting gesture of Erskine and Peggy, made her realize just how much she missed the touch of another person.

On Asgard she wasn’t a physical person in the slightest however there was no absence of touching either. Thor was incapable of knowing or ever learning just what personal space was and would at all times drape himself on top of Loki. He would be the one who would mostly hug her and bring himself to touch her. Her mother Frigga would caress Loki’s face or run her hand through Loki’s hair. 

Howard was the first one to offer not only a touch but a comforting touch. Loki swallowed the desire rising in her to bring herself closer to Howard and seek more. 

Her eyes widened at the realization and she dropped the cigarette. The connections she was making at this time. The one she had created with Erskine. The one she has with Peggy, being created now with Howard, the one in creation with Steve. She had unknowingly and unwittingly created bonds with them. These people from Midgard. Mortals with short life spans. People who she would never see again once she returned to Asgard. Her eyes clouded with sadness as she realized just what had happened during the last two years.

“I’ve gotten too attached.” she said softly. If Howard heard her, he didn’t comment.


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Thor,_

_I think about you practically every day, my brother. I also worry about you. I remember how reckless you would be on your ‘adventures’ and how many times I would need to talk quickly to get you out of trouble._

Loki paused for a moment before she crossed out the words. Those weren’t right.

_~~I think about you practically every day, my brother. I also worry about you. I remember how reckless you would be on your ‘adventures’ and how many times I would need to talk quickly to get you out of trouble.~~_

_How are you? Have you been crowned as king of Asgard yet?_

Pursing her lips she shook her head again.

_~~How are you? Have you been crowned as king of Asgard yet?~~_

_How is Asgard? Mother and father? What of the Warriors Three and Sif?_

_How are you, my brother? Are you keeping with your studies? What adventures have you gone on since I was banished?_

_Thor, I miss you. I miss mother and father. I miss Asgard._

She sighed and wearily closed her eyes.

_Thor, I miss you. I miss mother and father. I miss Asgard._

_At this time I am still in Midgards army. A war is raging across their ocean and I am a part of their side. The good side._

_A good man was killed the other day. He wasn’t a warrior. He was more of a healer. Perhaps inventor would be a better word for him because he had created a perfect spell to create a perfect warrior._

Her hands shook as she continued. 

_He was killed however, moments after seeing the results and personal victory of creating the perfect warrior. The people and I said our goodbyes and we buried him. Midgardians have a different customs than we do when dealing with their dead. Personally, I think our way is better and more efficient._

_There is another man, Steven Rogers is his name, and he was the result of the Inventors spell. The end result reminded me of you in all truths. However his character is completely different than yours. The heart, however, is there just as yours is._

_I have been banished for two years now and I fear that I am no closer to ending this punishment than when I had started._

_Mostly, because I don’t know how to end it._

_I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to show just how regretful I am. I am guilty, this I know and I make no argument._

_I just want to know how to atone for this._

“Odinsdottir!” the voice of Colonel Phillips rang out outside. “Front and center!”

“Coming sir!” she called back before turning to her letter once more to finish.

_I need to go. The commander of my squad is calling me._

_With love,_

_Your sister Loki_

She carefully folded the letter into place and slid it into an envelope before placing the letter in a small box in her bag. Along with the other letters that are to never be sent.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She watched the events that unfolded the next few weeks as if through the eyes of a stranger. 

She watched as vial after vial of blood was drawn from Steve each day. 

“I think you got enough.” Steve said.

“Any hope of reproducing a programme is locked in your genetic code.” Loki said quoting the words she heard Phillips and the other commanders say only this morning. “But without Dr. Erskine it will take years.” She refused to acknowledge the tears that gathered at the edges of her eyes and stubbornly kept them at bay.

“He deserved more than this.” Steven said bitterly.

She stared at him for a moment before she quietly said “If it could only work once, he would be proud it was you.”

She watched as he argued with Phillips over his position. 

“Sir, if you’re going after Schmidt, I want in.” Steve said.

“You’re an experiment.” Phillips said without looking at him. “You’re going to Alamogordo.”

“The serum worked.” he protested.

Phillips looked at him. “I asked for an army and all I got was you.” There was no compassion or a sign of apology in his face or voice. “You are not enough.”

She watched as he was overruled and was forced to become a national icon throughout the land. She watched as his frustration rose and as he spoke to the commanders through gritted teeth. How he took deep breaths to calm himself before leaving the situation and coming back with his fingertips coated in what looked to be black paint.

She watched as he entertained the people before leaving and quickly going to a new city. She listened as the people around her talked about his progress and how ‘bond sale’, whatever that meant, rose in each city after his performance. 

She questioned one of the soldiers about the bonds and after giving her an amused look, one that she linked to how people would look at her as if she was a child or perhaps unintelligent, it was explained to her.

“Sell off the bonds, bonds buy bullets. Bullets kill Nazis.” he said in an almost mocking voice. “Understand now?”

Later when questioned about the soldiers broken nose she denied having anything to do with that situation and the soldier himself was humiliated that a woman had been able to break it refused to tell the truth as well.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 _Dear Thor,_

_Well then. Midgard. Asgard. And I am sure plenty of other realms, though I haven’t visited any of them long enough to learn of their customs, the rules and beliefs of gender remain the same._

_It honestly sickens me, and I never thought I would have anything in common with Lady Sif however the way the woman on Midgard are treated, especially in areas of war and the such, it is as if they believe we understand nothing and we are no more than children playing a game!_

_Only the last few days I had to resort to physical violence to these men! Myself, using physical violence! Never in my life had I done something like that._

_Granted I had always used my magic in place however I digress._

_I have been called names and what some of the men on this realm have suggested to me during these past two years, at the memory I cannot help but to blush and burst out some scalding remark._

_However, those men do not take kindly to a woman fighting back and therefore the end result is something of theirs broken._

_This must be a brief letter. There is a meeting with the commanders on what to do with Rogers now and where to send him._

_Love,_

_Your sister._

The letter joined the others to never be sent.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She often thought of Peggy, Phillips, and for some reason Howard. They were over the sea helping to fight the war. Whenever she thought of them, the danger they must be in. The fact that their lives were limited in their time. How each day without word from them might mean that they are dead. 

Each time she thought of them her heart tightened and she found that it was hard to breathe. She wanted to cry and go to them as soon as possible. 

And when word came, merely words that they were alright and new orders for her to follow. The grip around her heart loosened and she found that she could breathe again.

She watched as Steven fought his own battle and found herself silently rooting for his victory.

However Steven was fighting from his home and was doing it in the form of entertainment in order to bring people to fund the army and the materials that they need. Phillips and the others were fighting the actual battle.

Sometimes she tried to figure out which was more important. The war to fund the battle or the actual war of blood. No blood spilled meant the loss of the people. However no funding meant no materials for the war.

It wasn’t important either way. This was not her home. 

This was not her home.

She refused to make this her home.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 _Thor,_

_I fear something horrible is happening to me here. I’m afraid that I am getting connected with these people that live here. I feel that I am growing concerned for their wellbeing. I worry for the people I don’t know, never have met, for those that are willing to die over the seas in this battle of theirs._

_And I most certainly fear for those I know. I worry about them constantly. The loss of the Inventor, I never told his name; it was Erskine, brought me to realize that and the moment I did I severed each link I had created in my mind._

_However that didn’t work. I still feel too connected to these people. I feel myself wishing to be a part of their everyday lives. To live beside them._

_To fight for them._

_I know that this is irrational. I am daughter of Odin and Frigga. A goddess. These mortal lives with their short life spans mean nothing to me._

_Should mean nothing to me._

_Their lives are a simple blink of my eye. A blink and they are gone._

_Too soon._

_Please. Do not let this be my punishment. Please, I beg you._

_I don’t want to watch these people die. I don’t want to watch them age and then pass on._

_Please, don’t let this be my penance. I beg you._

_Your sister._  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
One day she finally learned of the black paint that would appear on Stevens’ fingertips after an argument with the commanders. He was painting. 

She found him one day sitting on a crate of supplies and watched behind him as his pencil slowly slid along the papers. She watched as he made the lines connect and created the picture in his mind. His head was tilted to the side and she knew that if she looked at his eyes they would be withdrawn into his own thoughts and that which only he could see.

She closed her own eyes and for a moment she remembered. She remembered the feeling of her chair at her desk in the library underneath her. The quill in her hand as she scribbled note after note, translation after translation. The smell of parchment and books with their leather bindings were clear in her nose. Her eyes heavy with tiredness however her mouth smirking in her own slight victory at finding more information for her magic and her research. 

Thor would always be in his element on the battlefield where all he needed was an army to face with his hammer Mjolnir. He was a king on the battlefield, his kingdom the land soaked in blood and the fallen.

She, however, was always at place in the grand libraries. If Thor was a king on the battlefield the library was where she was queen. Her element of intelligence and knowledge. Magic was a part of her as much as her senses were however no one could deny her tongue and its ways of twisting and forming words. 

Such a feminine and weak way of battle.

She opened her eyes to see Steven looked at her. His cheeks were slightly dusted in a blush as he pressed the picture he had created against his chest.

Wordlessly she walked to him and gently, so gently that if he didn’t want her to see he wouldn’t need to do a thing and she would obey his wishes, pulled the picture forward so she may see it.

Her breathe caught in her throat. The only color he had was black and therefore was limited however as he had created the picture, the skyline of New York City; his home, perfectly. The buildings, the bridge, even the miniscule people.

“I did not know you were an artist.” she finally said to him as she continued to watch the picture practically come to life on the paper.

Steve shrugged. “I tried to get into art school, and truth be told I don’t know if I did. I left for the army the day after the test.”

She didn’t dare to touch the picture dare she smudged the still new ink however she did reach out slightly towards it. “It doesn’t seem that you need schooling for this.”

The blush deepened. “I’m not that good. The only reason I was able to get to this was because there wasn’t that much else to do as a kid.”

His voice had a slight bitter tone to it. She glanced at him sideways and remembered the body he had before. 

Small. Weak. Bullied. Undesirable.

Surely not the child of Odin and Frigga.

She blinked the thought away. There was no need to get closer to Steven Rogers. She was focusing more on breaking those bonds, not further creating them.

“Why fight at all?” she couldn’t help at asking. “Why not stay down? Bite your tongue? Do what you can?”

Steve, when did he become Steve and not Steven, glanced up at her. “I am doing all that I can.”

“All that you can now.” she pointed out. “Not then.”

“Because it is the right thing to do.” he said.

“The right thing to do can very easily kill you.” Loki said.

“Then I’d have died knowing I did good.” Steve said.

“You think you can do something?” she asked. “You are just one man.”

“I’m one man.” Steve agreed. “But I’ll do all that I can. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll be enough for something. To ensure that this world I love will remain safe and good.”

She glanced back at the picture. 

“The world lost a good artist once you joined the army.” she said quietly. 

“There are plenty others.” Steve said. 

Humility. A trait so often not found in any of the warriors that she has ever known in her entire life. And yet here it was, in a Midgardian boy nonetheless. She couldn’t help but smile.

“However, the military has gained a great soldier in its place.” she finished.

Steve almost deflated an almost crestfallen look on his face. “Only because of the serum.”

“Erskine was right in choosing you.” Loki said relishing on the surprised look on his face. “You have something no other soldier or candidate that I have seen has.”

She reached down to touch his chest and pressed her fingers enough so she could feel that pulse. That beat of life.

“You have heart, Steve.” she said softly.

The smile he gave her. That smile that lit up his entire face. Where he showed just a bit of teeth and a pure happiness at her words. 

Her own heart quickened its pace. Her stomach clenched once more. She felt a slight blush rise on her cheeks. The bond she had been trying so hard to destroy in her mind had almost hardened to nearly impenetrable force that refused to be broken.

She almost wanted to scream. 

Almost.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 _Thor,_

_I don’t want to do this anymore._

_I want to go home._

_Loki._


	6. Chapter 6

“Schmidt sent out a force to Rosano. Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned.” Loki joined the group in time to hear Peggy tell Steve. “Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured.”

Loki noticed as Steve’s face lost all color and he barely managed to say “The one-oh-seventh?”

“What?” Peggy asked. 

Steve didn’t bother answering her, instead he turned and ran to where the commanders were gathered. Loki and Peggy shared a look before following. 

“Colonel Phillips?” Steve called out.

Phillips barely gave Steve a glance. “Well, if it isn’t the star spangled man with a plan. And what is your plan today?”

“I need the casualty list for Rosano.” Steve requested.

“You don’t get to give me orders, son.” Phillips said. 

“I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the hundred and seventh.” Steve said almost beseechingly.

Phillips glanced at Peggy. “You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.”

“Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R…” Steve started in a pleading voice.

“I call spell.” Phillips almost spat. He watched Steve for a moment before it almost seemed as if he face softened slightly. “I have signed more of these condolence letters today that I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry.”

“What about the others?” Steve asked. “Are you planning a rescue mission?”

“Yeah! It’s called winning the war.” Phillips answered.

“But if you know where they are, why not at least…” Steve started.

“They’re thirty miles behind lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe.” Phillips interrupted. “We’d lose more men than we’d save. But I don’t expect you to understand that because you’re a chorus girl.”

Steve was silent for a moment as his mouth shifted and his back straightened. “I think I understand just fine.”

“Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes.” Phillips snapped before walking to the side to join the other soldiers.

Loki watched as Steve glanced to the where a map was hanging. A quick look told her that it told where the surviving members of the prisoners were being held.

“Yes sir, I do.” Steve said stiffly before walking away. Loki watched him and continued to read the map. Peggy placed a hand on her shoulder in comfort.

“If you have something to say now is a perfect time to keep it to yourself.” Phillips told her. She bit back a smirk before leaving the tent. To no surprise to her she quickly found Steve packing a small bag along with his shield and almost ready to leave.

“Out of curiosity are you planning to walk to Austria?” she called out to him. 

“If that’s what it takes.” Steve said without looking at her.

“You heard the Colonel, you’re friend is most likely dead.” Loki pointed out. Even in Asgard they didn’t attempt this. Better to die fighting than to be taken as a prisoner after all. 

“You don’t know that.” Steve said stubbornly.

She tilted her head to the side. One more test perhaps. “Even so, he’s devising a strategy to take-”

“By the time he’s don’t that, it could be too late!” Steve interrupted.

He finally looked up at her. “James Barnes is my friend, he was my only friend for a very long time and I owe him too much to give up on him right now.” his face softened and his eyes moistened lightly. “He would be doing the same thing if he was in my place. You gotta let me go.” he finished as he placed his belongings in the car and started it. 

Loki strode up to him. “I can do a bit more than that.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Traveling with Thor into the mountains in order to slay a dragon had been foolish.

Tricking the dwarves into creating proper weapons for both Thor and Odin had been irrational and almost got her mouth sewed together. 

Attempting a mission to get a necklace for Frigga that shined as the sun and allowed its jewels to turn into the colors of the clothes of the wearer was risking humiliation.

However, this seemed to be a bit more daring, dangerous, and life threatening. 

She doesn’t think she has felt more alive in the last two years. 

The beginning of adrenaline was starting to course through her. She could barely stay still in her seat and if she still had her magic she knew that green sparks would be crackling at the tips of her fingers. Stark was sitting at the head of the plane singing slightly to himself as Steve was watching through the window as the land below them rushed past.

“You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab.” Steve said glancing at her. She still needed to stifle a laugh at the sight of his helmet. He had stolen it from one of the girls that were performing with him.

“And you won’t?” she asked in return. 

“Where I’m goin’, if anybody yells at me I can just shoot ‘em.” he answered.

“They’ll shoot back.” Loki pointed out.

Steve grinned. “Well, let’s hope it’s good for somethin’.” he said knocking the shield behind him. Loki couldn’t help but grin back as she handed him the device that Stark had pressed into her hand earlier.

“This is a transceiver.” she explained. “When you are ready press it and we’ll know where you are and we’ll be able to come and get you.”

“Agent Odinsdottir.” Stark suddenly called from in front of the plane. “If we’re not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue.”

Fondue was something that Peggy had introduced to her. While the name sounded slightly scandalous she had to admit she did enjoy the tastes of the chesses mixed together on top of the warm bread. 

Peggy had also mentioned that it was occasionally replaced with chocolates and strawberries, which was something she looked forward to.

However, if she accepted would that be interpreted as a going out? Would it be considered that she has feelings towards Stark? Would it be considered insulting and a humiliation if she rejected his offer? In truth she did owe the man for braving this journey of theirs.

She noticed Steve staring at her awkwardly. Was he considered to ask her himself or did he now believe she was in a relationship with Stark.

“Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen.” and in truth she had seen men makes complete fools of themselves in an attempt to show off while others did seem to know what they were doing. Stark, however, dominated the plane just as easily as he dominated all types of machinery. “He’s mad enough to brave this airspace, we’re lucky to have him.” she pointed out. Occasionally, if all her teachings as a child taught her, sacrifices must be made even if it is as simple as a single night. Stark did seem the gentleman, even with his slightly rougher edges, and she believed that he wouldn’t attempt to force himself on her. Not that she wouldn’t be able to throw him off however that wouldn’t bode well for the military.

“So are you two…?” Steve blushed and almost seemed to force himself to say the next few words. “Do you…? Fondue?”

Her eyebrows moved together in confusion at his question, do they fondue? What in the world did that mean? Did it mean whether they ate together often?, before sparks of light lit the sky from the windows and the plane was violently shaken.

“Hang on!” Stark called out as he maneuvered the plane in an attempt to not get hit.

Steve moved quickly to the opened door of the plane and grabbed a bag that was pinned on the side. 

“Get back here!” Loki ordered. “We’re taking you all the way in.”

“As soon as I’m free, turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!” Steve ordered back instead. 

Irritation bristled through her. “You cannot give me orders!”

“The hell I can’t!” he objected as he moved the goggles down to cover his eyes. He glanced at her and grinned. “I’m a captain!”

Without waiting for another word he jumped from the plane and opened the bag containing the parachute mere seconds later. Loki continued to watch until the parachute disappeared and even with her eyes he became lost in the woods and the coverings of the trees. 

Shaking her head she reached forward and closed the door before moving to the front of the plane once more and taking a seat next to Stark. Neither of them spoke until they were away from firings. 

“He’ll be fine.” Stark said.

“I know.” Loki replied. 

She didn’t refuse however when Stark reached over and placed his hand on top of hers and gave a comforting squeeze. She ignored, however, how he kept their hands together a few extra seconds before retracting his hands.

“Now our fun begins.” Stark said. At her questioning glance he grinned. “How much of a shit load of trouble we’ll be in when we get back.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki gripped the photographs tightly as she walked to the colonel’s tent. Almost unconsciously her hand went to her pocket where the transceiver was lying cold and steady. The fact that she had gotten no signal and the explosions that reached their ears brought little hope that Steve was still alive and making his way back. 

As for the past twenty four hours her mind assaulted her with images of Steve dead in all shapes and forms from dismemberment to decapitation. Perhaps there wasn’t even a single piece of himself, his entire body torn and destroyed by the explosions leaving nothing behind.

She had finally learned of the powering behind the Nazis weapons. She didn’t want to name it, for naming it would place certainty on what it was, nor did she want to remember what her father had told her and Thor of the powers that were hidden in the Treasure Room back in Asgard. She didn’t want to remember the destruction she had been told it contained and how it could even bring one of their own to the realm of Hel.

If that could be done to a being of Asgard she didn’t even want to know what it would do to a being of Midgard.

She entered the tent where Phillips had just finished dictating a letter described that Steve was, as of now, to be considered dead. She took in a deep breath and steeled herself as she placed the photographs on the table.

“Satellites have been looking everywhere.” she said. “There is no sign of him.”

Phillips nodded as he looked at the photographs himself, almost as if he could find something that would contradict her statement. “I can’t touch Stark, he’s rich and he’s the army’s number one weapons contractor.” He glanced up at her and she saw the fire and anger in his eyes. She stared back unflinchingly. “You are neither one!”

“With respect, sir.” she said coolly. “I don’t regret my actions. And I don’t think Captain Rogers did either.”

“What makes you think I give a damn about your opinions.” he snapped at her. “I took a chance with you, Agent Odinsdottir. And now Americas golden boy and a lot of other good men are dead, cause you had a crush.”

Loki bristled at the unspoken accusations. “It wasn’t that.” she said. “I had faith.”

“Well, I hope that’s a big comfort to you when they shut this division down.” Phillips said almost sarcastingly. 

Suddenly the both of them noticed the commotion happening around the camp. Without another word to each other Phillips and Loki hurried out of the tent towards where the crowd was gathering.

Where it could be clearly seen Captain America Steve Rogers was leading an enormous group of men towards the camp. 

She couldn’t help the smirk on her face as she turned to face Philips. 

“Faith, huh?” he grunted at her before walking forward.

A weight was being lifted off of her shoulders and chest without her notice as she hurried forward and finally found herself in front of Steve.

“You’re late.” she managed to say without her voice cracking. 

He grinned, that stupid idiotic wonderful grin, and held up his transceiver. It had crumbled in his hand. “Couldn’t call my ride.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Steve’s memory was impressive, that was no doubt. Perhaps it was because of his desire to have been an artist and therefore needing to memorize even the smallest detail which helped him in remembering a map which he had only glanced at. A map that contained information on HYDRAs bases.

HYDRA. An appropriate name. The monster, that Thor had been eager to hunt and fight once, that couldn’t die unless the heart was destroyed. Cut off a single head and two more would grow in its place. 

“I only got a quick glance.” Steve said staring at his replica almost ashamed. 

Loki smiled. She enjoyed seeing those who had humility. “Well, no one can be perfect.”

Phillips was staring at the map hungrily as it seemed that he was memorizing every last detail possible. “We are gonna set a fire under Johann Schmidt’s ass.” He turned towards Steve. “What do you say Rogers? It’s your map, you think you can wipe HYDRA off of it?”

“Yes, sir.” Steve said confidently with his eyes burning. “I’ll need a team.”

“We’re already putting together the best men.” Phillips assured him. 

Steve’s grin widened. “With all due respect, sir. So am I.”


	7. Chapter 7

Loki smiled as she entered the bar, her eyes scanning around until she landed on Steve who was surrounded by other men; the men he had rescued she realized. She walked slowly to the group, a part of her enjoying the looks she was receiving from the other patrons from the bar. 

An hour before she went Colonel Phillips hadn’t been able to resist to scold her once more. The lecture was soothed slightly at the fact that in the end the result balanced greatly in their favor and she would receive no punishment however the fact remained that she did go against orders. In the end she was written up and given a verbal, however not written and therefore not on the record, warning. 

Before she had started to the bar Peggy had grabbed her and presented Loki one of her own red form fitting dresses and wouldn’t allow the other to leave her sight until she had pulled the dress on and allowed Peggy to put various colorings, called make up here, on her face. She had let her hair down and spread along her shoulders and back. 

In truth, she felt more than a bit foolish in wearing the dress. The bright red color reminded her of Thor’s cape, however the familiar sting that always appeared at the thought of Thor and Asgard didn’t hurt as much. 

She could feel the gazes of the men surrounded Steve fall on her and soon enough Steve turned to face her as well. His mouth fell open slightly before he quickly closed it and his eyes warmed at the sight of her. 

“Captain.” she greeted him as she finally reached him. 

“Ma’am.” Steve replied bowing his head. He still had a habit of bowing his head when he spoke, something that seemed to have no place on his new body. 

“Howard has some equipment for you to try.” Loki told him ignoring how the men around him were complimenting and flirting with her. “Tomorrow morning?”

Steve nodded. “Sounds good.”

She returned his smile and turned to look around the bar once more at the men and women drinking and dancing to the music. His men had separated to give the two of them some privacy. 

“I see your top squad is prepping for duty.” Loki said dryly.

“You don’t like music?” Steve asked. 

“I do, actually.” Loki admitted. She thought back to the balls of Asgard for a moment and before she could realize what she was saying she said “I might, even when this is all over, go dancing.”

Steve gave her a shy glance. “Then what are you waiting for?”

She turned to look him directly in the eyes as she remembered one of their previous conversations. “The right partner.”

They shared a silent look for a moment longer before she broke it and slowly pulled on her jacket that had been hanging on her arm. “Oh-eight-hundred Captain.” she said, sure he would know what she was talking about.

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve said nodding and still watching her. “I’ll be there.”

As she walked away she could see from the corners of her eyes as one of the men joined Steve again and dimly she could hear him complain “I’m invisible. I’m…I’m turning into you. It’s like some horrible dream.”

She smothered a smirk when she heard Steve say “Don’t take it so hard. Maybe she’s got a friend.” in a clear inside joke.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next morning Loki walked to the nicknamed Brooklyn bunker and entered, Howard had requested her to join them in viewing of the newly formed weapons and whatever it was that the weapons they had obtained from Hydra could do. 

She was smiling to herself as she walked through the room and past the shelves. When she saw the action in front of her she froze in place and the breath stolen from her body. 

Steven was kissing another woman, a private a corner of her mind noted. Her heart hammered in her chest and in her ears, she found that she couldn’t breathe, and as her fingers curled into a fist she knew that if her magic hadn’t been taken from her a ball of green energy would appear around her hand. 

Anger immediately coursed through her when Steve didn’t even seem to struggle or pull away from the kiss and she could feel ice, not heat, crack through her veins and bring everything down and into focus. 

Steven Rogers was just like any other warrior; one victory, named a hero, and already claiming the spoils of the victory. He was nothing like she had assumed him to be. 

He was just like any other warrior. 

“Captain!” she barked out, her voice hard and cold, her eyes colder and harder. 

The both of them separated abruptly and looked at her. Steve’s eyes widened at the sight of her and he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“We are ready for you.” Loki said in a professional voice as she clasped her hands behind her back. “If you are not otherwise occupied.” at that she allowed a bitter tone to enter her voice. She didn’t wait for an answer as she turned and started walking towards Howard’s office. 

“Agent Odinsdottir!” Steve called after her. She didn’t look back as she continued to walk or acknowledge him in any way. “Wait!”

“Looks like finding a partner wasn’t that hard after all.” Loki said without looking at him as they continued to the office. 

“Loki, that’s not what you thought it was.” Steve pleaded with her. 

“I don’t think anything, Captain. Not one thing.” Loki said simply. “You always wanted to be a soldier.” She allowed a bitter smirk to appear on her face as she thought back to the countless warriors she had known. Her own brother Thor, beautiful Bal-best not to think about him, even Fandral. All had started pure enough before tainted with the arrogance and simple notion of being a hero and wanted by others. “And now you are, just like the rest of them.”

“Well, what about you and Stark?” Steve stumbled. She whirled to face him and he continued forward, despite the red coloring his face and the stuttering of his voice. “How do I know you two haven’t been…fonduing?”

Rage clouded her eyes and she found herself breathing heavily as the desire to strike back at him arose inside of her. A desire she had known her entire life and was never encouraged to use; a lady and daughter of Odin going to violence was never allowed and was looked down despite the double standard of both her brother Thor, her once powerful strength in magic, and the thinly veiled exclamations and desires of others for her to resemble Lady Sif.

Punching Steven would result in nothing. Either her strength that was still somewhat linked to Asgard would kill him or merely hurt him, neither of which was allowed, or she would break her hand. Nothing would end in a good result.

If only she still had her magic.

“You still don’t know a bloody thing about women.” she spat at him before she walked off and finally entered Howards office. Howards head immediately came up at her entrance and how she slammed the door behind her, right in Stevens face.

Howard smiled widely at her and couldn’t seem to help the sigh that came out of him. “Lady Loki, you are one in a million.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki pursed her lips and swiped her tongue over her front teeth as she listened to Howard explain the new weaponry to Steven. She rolled her shoulders and her neck backwards and to the sides as she breathed deeply. Remembering the meditation techniques that her Master had taught her she went through the steps in her mind as she tried to calm herself down. 

If her Master could see her now, she quickly squashed those feelings. While her hurt towards Thor and Asgard in generally seemed to be lessening her Master had a special place in her heart and she knew that above all she would miss him the most. He had always treated her with respect and as she learned more magic he started to regard her as an equal and would encourage her to sneak out of the castle to participate in magical tournaments. She shook her head to rid herself of the emotions driving up in her and tried to focus more on the situation in the present. 

There was no real reason for to become so emotional in this situation. In all truths she should have seen this coming and had been prepared. A warrior was a warrior, regardless. 

But she had hoped so much that Steven had been different.

Her attention shift to Howard and Steven who had turned to where she entered. Her anger had cooled slightly however she felt it stir once more as she looked at him. Steven was holding a silver shield in his hands.

“Are you quite finished, Mr. Stark?” Loki asked, her voice emotionless yet cold. “I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.”

Steven didn’t seem to realize her remarks as he held up the shield in his hands upwards. His expression was clear and happy, as if the last hour hadn’t happened. “What do you think?” he asked almost joyfully.

The rage burst forward again at his indifference to something that was causing her so much anger and, a small part of her was willing to admit, despair and disappointment. Her eyes fell to the table next to her that held many various types of guns. 

Without thinking she picked one of the guns up into her hand, pivoted in place, aimed the gun directly at Steven; whose eyes widened at her actions and quickly brought the shield up to protect himself, and fired the gun until it ran out of bullets. When she was finished Steven looked up at her over the edge of the shield. She refused to allow his boyish and almost puppy-ish blue eyes that were looking at her like a scared child to cool her anger.

“Yes.” Loki said smiling bitingly. “I think it works.”

She put the gun back onto the table and walked past Steven, not before throwing him a freezing look that he was sure he felt clearly, before turning her head and walking out of the lab. 

The entire lab was silent and was watching her leave. She could feel all of their eyes on her, especially Stevens and Howards. 

She could hear the rustling of paper as Steve said dimly “I had some ideas about the uniform.”

“Whatever you want, pal.” Howard answered in what could almost be considered a dreamy and awed tone of voice.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
As the months passed the nicknamed ‘Howling Commandos’ continued throughout Europe and destroyed Hydra bases one after the other. 

Slowly Loki’s anger started to fade, however she kept her distance from Steven. She spoke to him only as a professional, one soldier to another, and once their conversations were done she would leave him alone, despite him calling to her and at times going to her side. 

Instead she spent more time with Howard Stark, much to the man’s delight, in an effort to rid her mind of Steven. While he seemed to know exactly why Loki spent her free time with him he never mentioned it out loud and the only times he would acknowledge it was when Steven would come to the two of them, Howard would throw him a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Howards mind was a brilliant place to be in, racing by miles per second it seemed he barely had time to get onto one project before his mind created another three. Together they would drink well into the night as he would talk. He would talk of mechanics, mathematics, science of all ranges, and countless others. He would patiently answer any questions she had or help to clarify any misunderstanding. 

She would even help in the lab as he continued to create more weapons. She was never fond of weapon creation however the way that Howard was putting everything into place she couldn’t help but enjoy watching and later participating. He treated it as an art; a scientist onto machines as an artist would to a painting he spent his life on. 

One night he had startled her when he placed his hand over hers. She had grown used to his touching, correcting something that they created together or guiding her hand elsewhere when need be. However, at that moment they were simply drinking with one another, one of her hands were clasped around her glass and the other was on top of the desk. He had leaned over to her with no hesitation or worry, a man filled with confidence and the pure knowledge of never being told no, and placed his hand over hers. 

She had started, breathed in deeply and suddenly, and flinched lightly at the touch. The lights were low in the room and she hadn’t had enough to drink to cloud her judgment. When she looked at him he met her gaze with no reluctance and seemed to wait for her to make the next move. 

Slowly, she slid her hand out from under his and placed the glass on the table instead. She bid him a good night and went to her barracks clutching the hand he had taken to her chest with her other hand, and the entire time feeling Howards hooded gaze following her and for the first time feeling uncomfortable under it.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
As she sat in the dark room she and Colonel Phillips were watching a black and white film of Steven’s latest mission. As with every mission the Howling Commandos were sent on a cameraman was sent as well to obtain footage to show to everyone how the victory of America was going and how quickly they were going to win the war. 

Each video was similar to each other. The team would burst in, destroy the base, protect themselves, take as many hostage as possible in order to gain more information, confiscate any weaponry for their labs and Howard to look over, get together, and move quickly on. Everything was done fast, quick, and efficiently.

For a moment however the video continued after the regrouping. It focused on Steven first who was directing and giving orders, his face obtaining the look of a true Captain who was guiding his soldiers through war and looking far more confident than Loki ever remembered seeing him. 

The camera suddenly went downward to where Steven was tightly clutching his fob watch. A cutout newspaper photo of herself was clearly visible for a few moments before the camera turned off. 

She changed a glance at the Colonel which they shared for a moment before he turned his head to give her a moment of privacy. Grateful for that moment she couldn’t help the blush and smile that appeared and widened on her face. Her heart started to beat faster in her chest and her fingers entwined with one another. 

He still waited for her.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki found that she couldn’t breathe when she read the report. She reread it once more in the hopes that she had misinterpreted or missed a word. 

Bucky Barnes was dead. The best friend of Steven. 

She had seen the two of them together in the videos, they were relaxed and in tune with one another deeply. 

Swallowing deeply she placed the report back on the table gently and walked out, her destination clear in every step. 

Steven was in the remains of a bombed bar, surrounding by the destroys stone of the building and overturned furniture Steven sat at one of the few remaining tables with a bottle of alcohol and a half full glass in front of him. 

He turned slightly when he heard her coming towards him. His red rimmed eyes didn’t seem to even realize who she was at first and when he did he barely reacted. Instead he motioned with his head towards one of the seats. 

She picked up one of the chairs that were on its side and placed it straight on the ground and turned to face him. He was playing with the glass in his hands. 

“Dr. Erskine said that the serum wouldn’t just effect my muscles, it would effect my cells.” he said, he seemed to not truly realize what he was saying. Perhaps he was just trying to fill the silence. “Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means um…I can’t get drunk.” He glanced up at her slightly. “Did you know that?”

“I was told that your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person.” Loki said after a moment of simply watching him. “He thought it could be one of the side effects.”

Steve nodded once before nodding again more firmly. Regardless he drained the glass in his hand and refilled it. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Loki said softly staring at the table. 

“Did you read the reports?” Steve snorted.

“Yes.” she said almost reluctantly.

“Then you know that’s not true.” Steve said all fight and life in him draining at the words. He slumped in his chair and his hands fell to his lap. 

“You did everything you could. Unfortunately, this is still war. And in war we, at times, must still be prepared to lose whomever we care about.” Loki said remembering the countless wars, the battles, the tears over fallen comrades, and the pure feeling of knowing that she could have done something, anything, to have saved the fallen. She slid her chair closer to Steve and reached out to clasp his hands in hers. “Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?”

Steve glanced up at her, the answer obvious in his eyes. 

“Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.” Loki said tightening her grip on his hands. Slowly his hands returned her grasp lightly and she could feel warmth course through her at the feeling. “He must have thought you were worth it.” She bit her lip before she quietly admitted “And so do I.”

Steve’s eyes warmed over and he held her gaze, for that moment Loki allowed herself to be rushed away in the emotions coursing through her. Suddenly his eyes hardened and he resembled the soldier she saw in the videos. 

“I’m goin’ after Schmidt.” he told her firmly. “I’m not gonna stop till all of Hydra is dead or captured.”

Loki met his steel eyes with her own steel ones and smiled at him. “You won’t be alone.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was pandemonium. It was pure and utter chaos. It was destruction and it was carnage. 

It was war. 

Bullets and shots of energy were flying through the air. Hydra weapon from the Nazis sides and the Hydra weapons they obtained and created on the Allied side. 

For the first time in a long time Loki found herself on the battlefield. Her gun fired one bullet after the other and when it ran out she simply grabbed the nearest weapon to her, a Hydra weapon and used that instead. 

Steve was obvious all around. The costume of his stood out in the brown and black uniforms of the others. He had a single gun and used his shield more than anything. He threw it with clear and careful precision to a point that he was able to bring it back to him after it was thrown. 

She couldn’t help the feeling of happiness that was erupting inside of her. Steve’s plan wouldn’t fail, they would destroy Hydra here once and for all. This war would be won and they could move on.

She didn’t know what Steve intended to do afterward however she knew what she was going to do immediately after the official declaration of victory. 

Steve had promised her a dance after all. And despite everything she was looking forward to it more than anything else. 

She couldn’t help the smile on her face after her brief encounter with Steve on the battlefield. Schmidt was going to fall, the item that she believed to be the tesseract would be taken in by the Americans; somewhere she could keep a close eye on it and make sure that humans didn’t realize what it could truly do, and Steve…

Steve would be able to live. Would he continue to court her? Would he prefer her over the hundred other women that would gladly throw themselves at his feet?

Only time would tell and at the end of the day she knew that they would have all the time in the world.

Soon enough they found themselves on top of a car. Herself and Steve in the back as Colonel Phillips gritted his teeth and pushed forward more, pushing the car to its limits. They flew through the air towards the aircraft that contained both Schmidt and the tesseract. 

Steve jumped up on the edge of the car as they drove closer. The aircraft was close to taking off, they had mere seconds. The war could finally end. 

“Keep it steady!” Steve called out to Phillips. 

“Wait!” Loki couldn’t help but cry. Steve looked to her in confusion. Acting on impulse and pure desire she grabbed him and pulled him closer to her. When her lips came to his she couldn’t help but relax into the kiss and smile despite the destruction happening around them. 

They broke apart too soon, his shocked face stared at her in disbelief. 

“Go get him.” she said softly. 

Still in shock Steve looked at Philips who spared him a single look before turning his attention on the road ahead of them and grounded out “I’m not kissing you!”

Loki settled back in her seat as Steve nodded, shot one last look at her, and jumped off the car and onto the plane. She watched as he climbed up and into the plane biting her lip, her heart pounding in her chest almost painfully.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Loki paced back and forth, Peggy was murmured comforts to her, and Philips was barking out orders as they all tried and failed to maintain composure as they waited for reports. Any report or any word from Steve. 

One of the soldiers, Jim Morita, was at the radios as he tried and failed to get some sort of signal out. 

Loki took in a deep breathe to try and calm herself down. When that failed she resumed pacing back and forth, her hands clutching one another.

Suddenly the crackling radio came to life. Words jumbled over each other and were lost in the static. Everyone in the room had their attention on the radios as Morita’s hands flew over the machines in an attempt to establish contact. 

Suddenly, clear as anything, a thankfully familiar voice came out of the radios. 

“Come in. This is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?”

“Captain Rogers, what is your-” Morita started to say. Loki all but flew to the machine and pushed him out of the way before bringing the microphone to her. 

“Steve, is that you?” she said into it, unable to keep the hysteria out of her voice. “Are you alright?”

“Loki, Schmidt’s dead!” Steve said. A small cheer went through the room at that however Loki didn’t dare allow herself to even smile. He hadn’t answered her question. 

“What about the plane?” she asked. 

“That’s a bit tougher to explain.” he said his voice strained. 

“Give me your coordinates, I’ll find you a safe landing site.” Loki said trying to keep her voice steady.

“There’s not gonna be a safe landing.” Steve said dimly and young. His voice hardened then. “But I can try to force it down.”

“I’ll get Howard on the line, he’ll know what to do.” she insisted feeling water gathering in her eyes. 

Never before had she cursed to herself so much at the absence of her magic. The pure feeling of being useless and unable to truly help. 

“There’s not enough time. This things moving too fast and its heading for New York.” his voice was wavering. “I got to put her in the water.”

“Please, don’t do this.” she pleaded her voice breaking slightly. “We have time. We can work it out.”

“Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer, a lot of people are gonna die.” he said, his voice obtaining that almost childish tone to it once more. 

Let them die, she wanted to say. As long as we save you it can be worked out. 

“Loki.” he said softly and lovingly. “This is my choice.”

She couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped her lips at his words. She closed her eyes as tears continued to gather and threatened to spill down her face. She could hear the gears in the plane and the howling wind through the radio as Steve forced the plane downward.

“Loki?” his voice came out, uncertain and with a tinge of fear. 

“I’m here.” she managed to say. She cleared her throat so that she could speak more clearly. “I’m here.”

There was a pause and when Steve spoke his fear was clear as he most certainly flew to his death. “I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”

She couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face, however weak it was. She licked her lips and said softly “All right. A week, next Saturday. At the Stork Club.”

“You got it!” Steve all but exclaimed. His voice sounded as if he was fighting tears of his own. 

“Eight o’clock. No later, no earlier.” Loki continued her voice wavering and a tear coming down her face. “Don’t you dare be late. Understand?”

For a moment she was afraid that they had lost connection. Until his quavering voice came and said “You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”

“I’ll show you how.” she said her heart tightening and threatening to break. “Just…just be there.”

“We’ll have the band play something slow.” Steve promised. The radio started to break out. “I’d hate to step on your-”

Then suddenly the only thing she heard was static. She could feel her heart breaking as she felt more tears coming down her face. 

“Steve?” she called into the microphone softly. “Steve?”

Dimly she was aware of the people leaving the room as her voice broke and she leaned forward against the machines and radios. Tears continued to fall down her face as she sobbed quietly and called out one last time.

“Steve?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Avengers or MCU.
> 
> I'm sorry about the long wait guys. But now that we've gotten out of the Captain America timeline for now from here on my own parts will be coming in and hopefully with sooner updates.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki didn’t remember the next few hours. According to Peggy she had continued to whisper Steve’s name into the microphone and had to be pried away. That she had been in a catatonic state and wouldn’t react to anything around her. 

She managed to sober up a few days alter for the memorial. Standing stoically next to Colonel Phillips she watched emotionlessly as the speeches were given and the flags were hunt at half-mast. 

At some point Peggy, who was standing next to her, reached out behind them and took Loki’s hand in her own and held it tightly. Loki didn’t say anything neither did her face change however she just as firmly clenched Peggy’s hand. 

The next Saturday however she dragged Peggy into town early in the morning and the other woman helped her try dress after dress on until they decided on the long and sequined green dress that accented her eyes. 

A few hours later Peggy had helped her with the makeup and her hair, as her own hands had been shaking too much for her to do much. She even gave Loki her own silk stockings instead of the nylon ones that Loki owned. 

As she entered the bar she found herself remembering the scene from when she entered a different one to see Steve surrounded by his friends.

Shaking her head to clear her mind she walked through the bar, ignoring the crowds of people and the music that was ringing through the air, she ignored the looks that men were throwing her, and focused on getting to an empty table.

A waiter appeared the moment she sat down and she ordered herself a glass of whiskey that she had grown to like from her late night drinking with Howard. 

As she got her drink she found a little bit of comfort from the cool glass and ice and sipped from it to calm her nerves. Her fingers curled around the glass and she pressed it against her cheek. 

One hand was clutching the glass to a point that she was surprised that it was breaking in her grip and the other was clutching her bag. She fought the desire to look at the clock on the wall for as long as she was able to until finally her eyes betrayed her and she glanced at it. 

Seven thirty. Still a half hour left.

Ten minutes before eight o’clock a man came up to her. He leaned onto her chair with a single hand and smirked at her with a leer. 

“Hate to see such a pretty girl sitting alone.” he drawled. She could smell the stench of cheap beer on his breath with every word he spoke. 

“Then look in a different direction.” Loki said sipping from her glass and turning her gaze away. 

“Don’t be like that.” he slurred at her. “Let me buy you a drink, loosen you up a bit.”

Before she could retort, or perhaps even reach for the gun that was in her bag, a hand came up to the man’s arm and twisted it so that he cried out in pain and twirled him away from her personal space. 

“Sorry about that ma’am.” the other man said in a lowly voice that reminded her of fields and horses for some reason, tipping his head towards her. 

He was wearing one of the Howling Commandos uniform, she suddenly realized as she placed the face and the voice. His name was Gabriel and he was from the southern part of America. He pushed the drunken man away from the both of them.

Loki nodded her thanks. “I could have taken him.”

His grin was surprising and warm. “We’re sure you could’ve.” he said motioning with his head to the side where she suddenly realized the rest of the Howling Commandos were sitting. “We’re just making sure that nothing is going to bother you, tonight of all nights especially.”

Her gaze broke away from him at his words and instead she focused on the rest of the soldiers that followed Steve into battle. They all had drinks in their hands however they were gripping them too tightly and their shoulders were tense.

“We have hope too, ma’am.” Gabriel said softly. “We want to believe as much as you do.”

Loki didn’t trust her voice to not waver or break so she simply nodded. 

Gabriel smiled sadly at her one more time and touched her hand lightly with his fingers before he left and joined his friends once more. 

Her eyes locked onto the clock. Eight o’clock on the dot. Her eyes went to the door. 

Plenty of soldiers entered however none had the familiar blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes that reminded her of the sky. 

One soldier entered the bar and her heart leapt into her throat and she started to stand however when he pulled his cap off and she saw the black hair she settled back into her seat. 

Around eight thirty Colonel Phillips entered the bar and saw her sitting alone, still drinking the single drink. He seemed to fight the urge to go to her, instead he nodded to her which she returned before going to the bar and ordering something for himself. 

Around nine o’clock Howard entered the bar and ordered a glass of whiskey and taking the bottle with him as well before getting past each of her self-appointed guards and sat next to her. 

She barely glanced at him as he sipped from his glass. When he motioned the bottle to her she held her glass out and he refilled it. 

“He’s late.” she said softly, not looking up from the table. 

Howard seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before he simply gave a jerked motion that could go either way. 

They sat together as the hours went by. She could see the Howling Commandos drink more and more as the time passed. She was sure she saw tears on one of their faces and most weren’t looking up from the floor or table.

Around midnight the band stopped playing and the people were staggering off. People rushed to clean the entire place. Soon enough only the few workers, she, and Howard remained.

She drained her glass and placed it on the table with a bit more force than necessary. She turned to face him, he met her eyes with no hesitation or fear.

“Say it.” she commanded. “Go ahead. Say it.”

The entire time she knew him she knew that Howard Stark never held back any of his thoughts and never sugarcoated a single belief. If he was displeased with something the whole world will know and will know the moment he wants. 

He would never lie, especially not something like this. 

“He’s not coming.” he said levelly. 

Loki slowly nodded, she refused to acknowledge the tears that were gathering in her eyes. Sniffling lightly she turned her head and pressed the side of her hand to her mouth. 

Howard didn’t say another word, he seemed to be waiting for her to say something. 

“Why?” she finally asked. She placed her hands on her lap and clutched them together tightly. Her throat closed up and she forced the next words to pass through her lips. “Why didn’t he come?”

“Because he’s dead.” Howard said, his voice never changing. 

Loki let out a gasp as she covered her eyes. Her fingers tightened slightly and her nails drove into her forehead. She felt more than she saw as Howard took her hands in his and brought them away from her face. Looking up at him she saw pain clearly visible in his eyes as well.

“It’s not fair.” he said, his voice still cool, calm, and collected. “It’s not fair and it’s not right that Steve would have died.” He ignored the way she choked at the words. “But we are in a war. And as such war goes, good men are lost.”

“I have known war.” Loki said softly. She slid downward in her seat until she was able to put her arms on the table and her head on top of her arms. “I have seen and fought in war. I have seen the grounds soaked with blood and the spirits of men and women destroyed.” She extended a single finger and traced the edge of the glass. “I have seen great warriors, soldiers, fall and I know the loss.”

Her eyes closed as her hand fell onto the table. “It is never easy to lose someone.”

“Especially someone you care about.” Howard said. He reached out and placed his hand on top of hers once more. 

This time she welcomed his touch, she turned her palm over and entwined their fingers together, seeking his warmth and comfort. 

And if he ignored with an easy tact the way she pressed her face into her arm and sobbed soundlessly, then it wasn’t something worth mentioning.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Within days she found herself being sent back to America. With Captain Americas death there was, in reality, no reason for her to be there.

She was restless, there was no other word for it. Back in America there was truly nothing for her to do. The Superhero Serum that Erskine had created was being attempted to be recreated with no avail. Soldiers were being trained by generals and colonels. She didn’t have a nursing degree and therefore couldn’t continue in the war as a nurse. With the sudden shutdown of Captain America and the Howling Commandos team her options had become limited. 

Thankfully Howard saw her problems and was quick to offer her a position as his assistant. 

Not as his secretary or note taker. His assistant in his creations and inventions. 

Together they started to create more bombs, attempting to find new and better ways of enforcing their power. Her mind flashed to the tesseract that had been lost in the plane flight that had claimed Steve’s life and she knew that if the humans had obtained that power the war would be over in mere days. 

As HYDRA was infiltrated and scattered with the loss of its leader the bases fell more and more with each passing week. Their weapons were sent back to them and in turn Loki and Howard would take them apart and learn how they worked. 

The next few months were a blur for her. She worked as best as she was able to with the machines, spending any spare moment she had in an attempt to learn them better and ask Howard countless questions on them to ensure she had complete understanding. 

Howard, while accommodating and understanding, was at times confused and even suspicious at how little she knew of some events. There had been certain things that she had managed to hide, and at times she cursed herself in choosing her name and wished that at that moment she had said it that she hadn’t been dazed and confused and simply stated the name she was known as.

Howard had started asking her questions about her past. Her family, any former friends, the little details a child would remember of their lives. 

Some she was able to lie through. She maintained that she was an orphan from the Scandinavian lands. That she didn’t have that many friends growing up and had immigrated to America in an attempt to better her life. 

But then he would ask her other questions. Her education, the country she had grown up in, the little places that a child would know such as hiding places and the alleys that she cut through for a shortcut. 

She lied through her teeth, her stomach twisting at the thought of lying to the man who had done so much for her and whose friendship she enjoyed greatly.

One afternoon however she walked to his office, hours after all the other scientists had left, and she had heard a muffled conversation. Something called The Manhattan Project and the Strategic Scientific Reserve. She immediately knew that this wasn’t something for her ears however she couldn’t help but press herself into the shadows and attempt to listen closer. 

It seemed that there were spies within the spies and one had seen her listening because the next day she found herself being officially moved to the rank of Lieutenant-Colonel and then her contract with the military was terminated. Colonel Philips himself came to her with the news and his sorrow filled eyes. He was silently asking her not to question her termination which she abided to. 

Because she was no longer a part of the military she could no longer work with Howard on the HYDRA machines and therefore could no longer work with him at all. He had nodded when she told him in his office, opened a drawer in his desk, pulled out an envelope and a small suitcase, instructed her to open it when she was alone, and wished her good luck.

Hours later she found herself on a train ride going to New York in a private cabinet she finally opened the envelope, sliding a single finger under the flap of the envelope and carefully pulling its documents out. 

She froze when she noted her name, Loki Odinsdottir, written in script on what was apparently her birth certificate. Hurriedly she pulled the other papers out and spread them out on top of the suitcase Howard had given her. 

Birth certificate, social security card, papers from an orphanage signed by a name called “Sister Catherine” and more. 

Breathing heavily she ran her fingers through her hair and tried to calm herself. She pulled out one more piece of paper from the envelope, it was folded in half and she could feel another paper inside of it. She opened it, catching the second piece of paper and placing it to her side before she started to read. 

_Loki-_

_There’s no real easy way to say this but I’ll do the best I can. I know you were lying about who you are, where you are from, and you’re past. I don’t judge and I most certainly don’t care, your past is that, yours and in the past. I talked with the higher ups however and I learned that you were missing quite a few things. I…encouraged them a bit and they told me that you told them that any paperwork you had had been destroyed during the war because the orphanage had been bombed._

_Crafty, my fiery maiden. You think well on your feet. I like that._

_Anyway to get to my point, I decided to help you. I like you Loki, I like you a lot and I wanted to help you._

_The higher ups had gotten a bit suspicious and that’s why you’ve been sent away. I’ve known about this for a while so I had some time to prepare. I don’t really know what the army is doing, I’m just doing my job as a scientist. And unfortunately, because the suspicion and your lack of a real background, they no longer want you to be a part of it._

_Shame, I liked having you in my lab with me._

_We’ll be in touch, don’t you worry about that, you can’t get rid of me that easily. But, until then. Have fun. Do whatever you want. I’ll find you when I can._

_Regards,_

_Howard Stark._

_P.S. Don’t even think that you are in my debt or that you owe me something. We’re friends, friends help one another._

_P.S.S. Course I wouldn’t say no to being a bit more than friends._

Loki shook her head as she read Howards letter once. Twice. A third time. An unexpected warmth filled her as she reread the words, absorbing the emotions they radiated and her eyes following the curve of the letters as she looked over Howard’s familiar handwriting. 

She still had a friend. A good friend that she could count on. She glanced to the side where the papers lay and she spread them out a bit on the seat, a high school diploma caught her eye and if she wasn’t mistaken she owned a house in Denmark according to a different paper. 

She picked up the piece of paper that had been folded into the letter and flipped it over. 

There was a series of numbers and checking the suitcase she finally noted the combination lock on top of the case underneath the handles. A corner of her mouth lifted as she glanced at the numbers once more and slid the lock into place. 

Her smile fell however when she lifted the top only to freeze for a moment before all but slamming the suitcase shut. A tense second passed before she tentatively opened it once more to the same picture. 

Crisp and straight bills were staring back at her. The amount of money that she was staring at she didn’t know however it seemed to be well into the thousands. 

Her lips parted and her even her eyes watered slightly. There would be no way for her to repay this. The papers and the money that he had given her. 

She was in his debt. And an Asgardian always repaid their debts.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Without being in the army or even with Howard Loki wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She had wandered aimlessly through the city during the day, going to the park or visiting Coney Island that she had once heard Steve talk about. 

In the end she decided to apply for college. She had the high school diploma thanks to Howard and a part of her wished to be surrounded by books and learning once more. Granted it would not be with private tutors and in a classroom with other students however that was a new experience for her and something she was looking forward to.

Most of the colleges she applied to send letters back declining her however one did allow her to attend. In the end Barnard College accepted her application and once September had come along Loki had signed up for classes and for the first time in her life she was attended classes with another students. 

The college itself was a woman’s only college, one of the few that allowed women to go further in studies. For the first time ever she was surrounded not only of likeminded women but also women who shared her passions and most of them didn’t turn their noses up at her. 

Loki wasn’t sure what she wanted to study, she had decided to attend college on a whim; aided with the money that Howard had left her to pay for the classes and her pension from the military gave her money to pay her rent on her apartment and the bills and food. 

There weren’t many choices available to her, because she was a woman was later explained to her with a curled lip on her guidance counselors face, and for that she could either go into the more expected schoolings such as teacher or nurse or if she was feeling particularly challenging and self-assured she could try to go for a complete doctorate or science or mathematical field. 

Remembering her pleasure of being in Howards laboratories and work alongside him Loki decided to choose to study the scientific field. She filled her schedule with physics, biology, chemistry, anatomy, and the like. She spent long hours in the school’s library, well into the night and to the point where the librarians would have to either drag or threaten for her to leave until they simply threw in the towel and gave her the key to the library and told her to lock up when, if, she finally left. 

When the news started to talk about the country of Japan surrendering she spared the war she had left a thought and went out to buy a newspaper. 

And there it was written just what the American army had done in an attempt to win and end the war. An atomic bomb. 

She discussed the bomb with her teachers and they helped her come to conclusions of just the amount of energy and power the bomb would have and the possible repercussions of using such a bomb. 

Time continued to pass. Loki took more classes and furthered her own knowledge of the science world, in truth she found similarities to her studies of magic back in Asgard which helped her interest, and would spend all her time if not in the library then she was discussing and arguing with her teachers. 

Eventually after months and months, to her teacher’s amusement, she accepted the position of becoming a teacher’s aide, her physics teacher and occasionally she helped her chemistry teacher as well. It was a new source of income and responsibilities for her that she enjoyed immensely. One quick and sly discussion with both women hiding their true words and allowing the other to come to her own conclusions she decided to finally decide on a teaching degree. A talk with the master of the school and countless recommendation letters from her teachers she was told that once she had a degree she would get a permanent teaching job at the college. 

So, in the end, Loki started to settle. She celebrated with the rest of the city that the war was over and danced alongside the civilians and soldiers that had returned from war after so long. She started to greet her neighbors and she knew who was marrying and who was expecting a child. She comforted people from the college when their brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, boyfriends, husbands weren’t coming back from war. 

She studied every night and when she ran out of books from the school’s library she branched out in order to read other books other than science. She fell in love with the poetry of Midgard and often wrote her own in her notebooks. 

Under the guidance counselors advice she took a few electives that had nothing to do with her teaching degree or science courses. In the end she choose art classes that helped her to learn to draw and soon enough her apartment was filled with paintings that were finished and half finished. 

And if she had chosen painting if only because Steve had been good at it as well, well. No one had to know that she was still trying to feel a bit closer to him despite him being gone. 

She learned how to cook, she had to because for the first time in her life she didn’t have anyone else to do it for her, and was pleased with her results after a few failed attempts. She bought her groceries on the weekends and the teachers that she was working for she helped to grade the papers and the tests.

When it was questioned on why she didn’t attend church on Sunday she lied for the first time since she had settled in New York that the churches around her simply didn’t feel right to her and it was quickly put to rest. 

There were a few attempts to get her to date, someone’s brother or single friend or cousin, however each time fell through. The wound from losing Steve was still too fresh and she had no desire to get that close to another human being once more and face this again. 

A few months before she would obtain her teaching degree, she hadn’t even realized just how much time had passed and she most certainly couldn’t believe that a few years had passed, she was in her apartment sketching out a detailed human body and attempting to do it only by memory although she did have her book beside her with the page marked down if she needed the help.

A knock at her door brought her out of her thoughts. Frowning slightly she put her pencil down on her notes and stood. Walking to the door she didn’t bother to look through the hole and opened it. She froze when she saw who it was.

Howard Stark grinned at her and spread his arms. 

“Loki Odinsdottir.” he said ominously. “I am here to invite you to a super-secret organization called The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.” He made a face then. “We need a new and shorter name though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather non-action chapter if only to set everything else up. I have this entire story planned, don't worry.


	9. Chapter 9

Loki blinked in surprise as Howard continued to stand in front of her with his grin and open arms.

One of her neighbors walked through the hallway and passed them, sparing the both of them a look before continuing on. 

“What?” she finally asked. 

If possible Howards grin widened and he entered her apartment, after quickly hugging her. Still in slight shock from his sudden appearance Loki slowly stepped back into her apartment and closed the door behind her softly. Turning she saw Howard was looking through her notebooks. 

Without a word Loki watched with the palm of her hands pressed against the door behind her. Occasionally Howard would write something in her notebook, with her discarded pen, and from her place Loki could see that they were either corrections or extensions of the equations. 

“They are meant to be incorrect.” she said. “I’m writing down the most common mistakes that people do.”

Howard made a face. “That takes too much time and too little sense.”

“My students appreciate it when I am able to explain those mistakes.” Loki said coolly.

He then gave a snort. “You. Teaching.” Howard said shaking his head slightly in amusement. “Not something I thought you would be doing.”

“I get my teaching degree in a few months.” Loki said levelly. She took slow and measured steps towards her kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Black, one sugar thanks.” Howard said. He pushed the first notebook away with a single finger, Loki twitched slightly when it bounced her cooled half full cup of tea and it seemed as if the cup would fall over. She settled down when it didn’t and walked into her kitchen. She filled her kettle with water from the sink and placed it over her stove. 

“So where’s your real notebook?” Howard called out to her. “The one with actual real stuff.”

“The green one on the shelf behind you, third shelf.” Loki answered as she turned her stove on. 

She could hear Howard take the book off and flip through the pages. 

“Not bad.” Howard said entering the kitchen still leafing through the book. “Bit rudimentary but you’re on the right track.”

Without saying a word Loki strode forward and took the notebook out of his hands and replaced it with the coffee cup. Clutching the notebook tightly and pressed to her chest she finally asked “What are you doing here?”

“Rude a bit.” he said avoiding her question as he sipped from the cup. He leaned against the wall, the picture of being completely at ease, and for all the world looked as if he owned the apartment and she was the guest. “How you’ve been?”

“Fine.” Loki said going back to the kitchen and grabbing her own cup of newly made coffee, she had grown slightly fond of the caffeinated drinks. Tea for studying, coffee for everything else. “Yourself?”

“Good. Been busy.” he said purposely leaving his answer vague and looked at her expectantly. 

And damn her either because she missed him or because her new life was filled with mere studying and teaching that she wished for something new that she took the bait. “Busy with what?”

“Super-secret stuff.” he said ambiguously. “Stuff that I could tell you…if you joined me in my labs.”

“At the--” she thought quickly for a second as she remembered minutes ago when she had opened the door. “Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division?”

Howard grinned at her once more. “You passed part 1, only those who can say the name can get to part 2.”

“I’m flattered.” Loki said dryly. She tilted her head to the side and glanced at Howard completely. “Is everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Howard asked shrugging his shoulders. “I’m at top of the world and dear Loki, I want you to be there with me.”

Loki blinked slowly once. Twice. A third time. She took a sip from her cup and cleared her throat. “What?”

Howard made another face. “You didn’t use to be so uninformative.” he said wagging his finger. Loki felt a sudden urge to break that finger. 

“My mind is filled with my classes and lectures that I need to get back to.” Loki retorted. “I’m a few months away from getting my PhD and teaching license.”

“What’s your major?” he asked leaning back on his heels. 

“Physics.” she answered as she stepped to place her notebook back on its place on the shelf. “With a minor in biology.”

Howard nodded in approval. “That’ll be good enough for the higher ups, you’ll be my assistant for sure.”

She felt something bristle up her spine. “What do you mean I’ll be your assistant for sure?”

He looked at her in amusement now, the same look Odin had always given her when she had come to him after performing a complex magic spell and wished to show off like Thor always had after learning a new fighting move. He had always looked at her as if she was a child showing that they learned how to do something simple such as spell a word correctly or how to create an arrow. 

Anger, familiar and almost soothing, started to flow through her. 

“I need my assistant again, every good scientist needs an assistant.” he said slowly with that same antagonizing smile on his face. She fought the urge to rip his mustache off for a second. “You were my assistant during the war and I want you back again. Your degrees will help keep the higher ups from crawling up my back.”

Grinding her teeth together slightly she fought for her composure as she said tensely “How sure you are that I am going to go back to your labs.”

“Of course you’re going back to my labs.” Howard laughed. “Where else would you go?”

“Barnard College.” she said through clenched teeth. “To teach, where I have been offered a position once I finish my studies.”

“You can’t be serious.” he said still chuckling. His chuckling died out however when she fixed him with a cold glare and didn’t laugh with him. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am very serious.” Loki said her voice frosting over. 

Staring at her in disbelief Howard placed his cup to the side. “You’re not going to accomplish anything at a silly little woman’s college. I’m giving you the chance to actually do something.”

“I can do plenty on my own.” Loki said. 

His eyes narrowed. “So what, you’re saying no?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Loki threw at him. “No.”

“No one says no to me.” Howard said coldly and emotionlessly. “No one.”

“I believe I just did.” Loki said. “Now get out of my apartment.”

Howard threw her one dirtier look before he turned in place and stalked out of her apartment. Loki immediately locked the door behind him and leaned against it as she struggled to regain her composure and her breathing.

Taking a few deep breaths she pushed the thought of Howard Stark out of her mind, a feeling of guilt appeared in her stomach when she thought back to everything that he had done for her however she pushed it aside as well. He had said so himself in his letter to her that she owed him nothing. 

In the end she pushed the matter of Stark and his pigheadedness out of her mind and focused on her studies all the more.

She managed to ignore the Stark Expos that Howard had created over the years and only gave a passing nod to the fact that the Stark Empire was slowly making its way around the world, focusing mainly on military and weapons especially. 

There were only two times she spared Howard Stark more than a passing thought. The first time was when the newspaper declared that Howard Stark was marrying a woman named Maria Carbonell. The second time was when on May 29th, 1970 when Antony Stark had been born to Howard and Maria.

\----------------------------------------------

December 14th 1991 found herself in her apartment as she graded the remainders of the essays. Her students had been more than happy to take their finals a good two weeks before the others.

This was her fifth college that she had taught at, the fourth time that she had to obtain fake documents, after paying a great deal of money to get a good enough version to make even the most official to take a pause at their authenticity. After realizing that she hadn’t aged in the near fifty years that she had been on Midgard she moved quickly, never staying in one place for more than ten years and sometimes even pretending to be her own daughter.

When she realized that she wasn’t aging she stopped trying to make friends with the people in her school or even her neighbors, maintaining a healthy yet professional relationship with them despite their protests and attempts to draw her out. 

It was a lonely life however it was a comfortable one so she wasn’t complaining entirely. 

Watching history unfolding in front of her, the suffrage acts the civil rights fights. Fighting for equality and rights that were due to them were fascinating and one she delighted in being a part of.

During the seventies when women were protesting in the streets she was right there beside them holding up their signs and screaming out protests. She fought back when policemen descended on them, more than once she had to run for her life to not be arrested. 

It was a breath of fresh air in an almost monotonous life that she led. As women assimilated themselves into areas where they were once all but banned outright she slowly rose herself as well. Science was always her love and now that she was able to go further into it, however not far enough for her name to be known just enough to learn of the newest findings. 

Radiation was a new found love for her, something she hadn’t paid much attention to in the beginning however once the world was immersed in the Cold War she couldn’t help but occasionally learn a bit more about what they were capable of. 

She settled, there was no other way of describing it. She had devoted two years, a gap years the other teachers called it, to attempting to find a way to reclaim her title of Princess of Asgard to no avail and in all honesty everything that she had done in those two years were done at half strength and desire. 

She had settled in Midgard and she had reached a sort of peace, not happiness but a contentment that she had found lacking back on Asgard now that she realized what she had. 

So she filled her days. She taught during all the seasons, teaching summer and winter classes as well. When her college didn’t need her, either because of too few students signing up for her Advance Placement Physics or Advance Placement Chemistry classes she volunteered at high schools and middle schools to teach there instead. Over the years she branched out her classes and taught the more basic science classes of biology, chemistry, anatomy, and physics. 

She didn’t want to brag, however she was also not too modest to admit that she knew what she was doing in her classes. She had spent nearly forty years learning and watching the fields grow and learn beside them. 

When classes weren’t in session or she had already taken them or simply had no interest in them she went to the free classes that were offered at the libraries that helped people learn to draw or play a new instrument in groups. She learned the guitar if only because she enjoyed the feeling of it in her lap and she learned the violin if for how it caused its vibrations to course through her when she played. 

She learned how to dance. When she had been princess of Asgard she of course knew how to ballroom dance however on Midgard she learned countless others such as the tango, salsa, and even tap dancing. She attended yoga sessions and found the environment to her liking with its soothing music and the ending with meditation that reminded her of her teenage years on Asgard. 

On a somewhat psychotic whim when a martial arts studio in her neighborhood at the time she had joined and begun to learn self-defense. She had always detested physical violence, something that she was terrible at back on Asgard, however these were different. The moves were quite similar to the dance moves she had learned and her body quickly adjusted to the demands. Both the dance and the fighting were similar to the dance rituals she had to perform on Asgard when calling upon a higher magic, sometimes in her mind’s eye she still saw herself dancing around a fire in glee with her Master as together they summoned magic after magic that curled around them in green smoke. 

So she learned self-defense, it coming to a great deal of help when a man had attempted to mug her and steal her bag. She had moved on instinct alone and had him flat on his back within seconds and her already moving on. Once she had obtained a black belt she went to the other branches of self-defense as she slowly learned.

There were times when she was hit with an unbearable loneliness which she would simply curl up in her bed with her blankets and watch television, not really caring what was on the screen only wishing to fill her apartment with some sort of noise that wasn’t hers. Those times she would almost immediately think of Steve, something of which had made no sense in all honesty. They had not been in a real relationship at the time, even their courtship had been rocky. There had been no reason for her to become so completely and irrevocable emotionally dependent on him. 

Or perhaps that had been the love at first sight that so many maidens had swooned over back at the court. 

And of course she continued to paint. She painted countless pictures, sometimes even giving them away when someone else had seen them and taken a liking to them. 

Asgard was her past, there was no denying that. Midgard was her present, that much was obvious. 

She didn’t know what her future was to be. She was more than content to wait and see. 

That is why, on December 14th, 1991 when she was in her apartment with a blanket around her as she sipped from her hot chocolate while reading a book with her television on a low volume simply to fill the apartment she had been startled out of her musings by her doorbell ringing. 

She placed her book down on the couch, turned her television off with a click of her remote, and tightened her blanket around her shoulders as she walked to the door and peered through the peephole. 

Disbelieving she opened the door to a sight and was immediately taken back forty years ago as a sense of déjà vu played in front of her. 

“Hey Loki.” Howard said tiredly with hooded and heavy eyes as he held his arms out. “I need to talk to you.”

\----------------------------------------------

“The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division …is compromised.” Howard said wasting no time as he fidgeted with the cup in front of him. When he looked at her his eyes were old and worn, looking more at home on a man of over one hundred rather than his face. “I’m going to be killed any day now.”

“Howard. You need to get out of there while you still can.” Loki hissed at him. 

Howard simply leaned back in his seat and stared at her with a small smile. “You are truly beautiful.”

“Stop screwing around.” she snapped at him. “Do you need help getting out of the country? Is there some place safe you and your family can go to?”

“There’s one thing you can do.” he said ignoring her questions. “Once I’m dead, you need to join The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.”

Silence rang through the air only to be broken by the murmurs of the conversations around them. The indoor café that was only one block away from her apartment was still a quarter filled despite the cold weather and some of the people would glance at their table at the recognition of Howard Stark and the self-held belief of who she was. 

“What?” she finally asked. She inwardly groaned as the people still looking at them, this time tomorrow a newspaper will have it listed that Howard Stark was having an affair and with her luck her picture would end up on the front page as his mistress. 

“You need to join The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.” Howard repeated. “At my funeral the director will be there, his name is Nicholas Fury and he knows about you, not everything.” he quickly corrected when he saw her suddenly paled face. “Enough to know that I am recommending you with the highest of praises.”

“You want me to join…the organization that you believe is going to kill you.” Loki finally said. “Are you insane or is this some warped version of revenge of not joining you all those years ago?”

Howard waved away her accusations. “I need someone in the inside that I know that I can trust.”

“You’re going to be dead.” she pointed out. 

“My son is going to live.” he retorted. “And I need to know that he is going to be safe.”

Loki leaned in closer towards him. “And how exactly am I going to protect him from The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division?”

“You’ll be on the inside, they are going to watch over him regardless. My son, my son,” he obtained an immensely proud look on his face at that moment. “My son is a genius, give him a few more years and I would nothing compared to him.”

Loki considered him for a long moment. “Howard. What is The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division exactly?”

“A secret organization based on spying, gathering information, and control.” he easily answered. “If something happens The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division knew it was going to happen days before it did. If they don’t know something, they find out fast.”

Howard glanced around them for a second before leaning in and quietly asking “Do you remember HYDRA?”

Her widened eyes were answer enough for him as he nodded and leaned back. 

“I have reason to believe that they are inside The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.” he said. He reached out and added sugar into his coffee although he didn’t drink from it. 

“So why don’t you try to get them out?” she asked lowly. 

“Because I am stupid and made too many mistakes.” he said not looking up at her from his coffee. “Because instead of doing the smart thing and looking quietly and carefully I came out and said everything I think about them. I’m a marked man, dear Loki.” He finally looked up at her and their eyes connected. “Now all I can do is ensure my son will be safe.”

“Anthony.” she said, saying the name for the first time since she had heard it. Howard nodded. 

“Why me?” she finally asked.

“Because you are still the only one I can trust above everyone else.” he said truthfully. “Because I know you can do it, goddess of mischief, lies, and trickery that you are.”

Her heart speeded up however she refused to change her facial expression. “How long have you known?” she asked not bothering to deny her once titles that she had clung to with all her might in her time in Asgard.

“Since I realized that you hadn’t aged back in 1979.” Howard answered dryly. “I know some women age gracefully but you took the cake, not to mention the fact that I know you never had any kind of surgery to help it. A little bit of research and that was all I needed.”

“And if I am the Goddess of Mischief, Trickery, and Lies as you say.” she said slowly leaning towards him. “Then how do you know you can trust me?”

Howard leaned towards her as well. “Because I know you.” he said simply. “And I know that despite everything you are someone I would want by my side desperately.”

“Regretting that you didn’t push harder all those years ago for me to become your assistant?” she asked. 

“Relieved that you said no and that my pride was too stupidly damaged to go back and demand again.” he corrected. “If you had joined I honestly don’t know what would have happened to you.”

Loki pursed her lips as she crossed her arms. “You want me to join an organization, a person who you know doesn’t age and you now know that she was once considered Loki the Norse Goddess, yes I know it is considered Norse I did my own research as well.” she snapped at him when she saw his surprised look. “To join an spy organization that is going to kill you because you spoke out against it vehemently. A place I could easily die if not get taken for experimentation.”

“Trust me.” Howard said. “And trust Fury, he’s a good guy.”

She blinked and looked to the side and out the window. She could easily see her apartment building to where her lonely apartment stood waiting for her. Its emptiness yet filled with memories of living on Midgard for the last fifty so years. The feeling of longing and the desire to bring life back into her veins. 

The thrill of the chase, her blood pumping through her veins. Just her and a select few against the rest of the world. 

If nothing else, to break the monotonous repetition that her life had become. 

“I’ll do it.” she said softly. Glancing at Howard he smiled brightly at her. “I will join The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division after your death.”

“Thank you.” he said simply. “Fury will be there at my funeral and my will is set to send you an invitation.”

She nodded as she gave into her impulses and reached over the table and drag him into a tight hug, something he readily returned as he buried his face in her neck. Slowly and with great displeasure they separated and sat back down.

“I just have one question.” Howard said. He waited until she looked up at him before he threw her a grin that immediately made his face look thirty if not more years younger. “Was the part about screwing a horse true?”

She will forever hold onto the fact that she was entirely entitled to throw the entire bowl of sugar at him with he easily dodged with a laugh.

\----------------------------------------------

She wasn’t the praying type however she hoped reverently that Howard had been wrong.

However on the morning on December 17th, 1991 she awoke to the news on her television and in the papers of the death of Howard and Maria Stark the night before, a car accident leaving their only son Anthony Stark an orphan and heir to the Stark Industries. That afternoon she found an invitation to the funeral happening the next day. 

She sat in the back of the auditorium, the entire room filled with fake tears and cries, something she tuned out. At the front she saw a teenage boy almost at the cusp of manhood crying bitterly, something she knew was not faked. 

Her first personal glance at one Anthony Stark. 

Throughout the service she felt as if she was being watched and each time she would look to her left a man with an eye patch would stare back at her unflinchingly. Each time they would hold their gazes to one another before breaking it together and turning back to the front only to glance at one another again. 

She felt like she was being tested for something and she didn’t know if she passed or not. 

Once the ceremony was over and the coffins, a closed affair considering the car accident hadn’t left much to work with, were being driven to the cemetery Loki stood and the man with the eye patch did the same. Walking a few feet away from one another, and somehow at some points behind one another, they left the building as the other guests disembarked and were already talking about other and more interesting events. 

She stood outside of the building, remembering her first funeral on Midgard for Dr. Erskine and how that was the first real conversation she had had with Howard and was hit with such a feeling of loss that she almost keeled over. 

“Ms. Odinsdottir I presume?” an unfamiliar voice from behind called her. She knew who it was before she even turned around.

“Nicholas Fury I presume.” she retorted, turning around and seeing the man with the eye patch behind her watching her with his single eye. 

He had his hands clasped behind him and an unreadable expression on his face. “Howard Stark was under the assumption that you wished to talk to me.”

“I want to talk to you about The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division, Howard told me a bit about it.” she said. 

His face could have been made from stone and shown more emotion. “I didn’t realize you and Howard were such good friends, strange that we have no record of it.”

“You shouldn’t assume that you know everything, just because you think you do.” Loki said smoothly smiling slightly. It wasn’t a nice smile, it was a smile of a predator and one that she hadn’t had to use in ages since her coming to Midgard. It wasn’t the smile of Loki Odinsdottir, teacher of science courses and lover of all sorts of arts. 

It was the smile of Loki The Trickster. Loki the Mischief Maker. Loki the Liesmith. 

She felt as if she was settling back into a new skin that she hadn’t worn in decades. It was comforting and frightening as anything she ever faced. 

“I know what Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division is for.” she said, still with her smile. “Protection and information, division and illusionment. I want in.”

Her smile widened and she was sure that she saw Fury’s eye shine with pleasure and even a slight smidge of respect.

“I want to become a member of The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.” she said firmly. “Although I really need to say this, you need a new and shorter name.”

Fury considered her for a long moment and she refused to look away. Finally, and slowly, he extended his hand towards her which she grasped and shook firmly. 

“Welcome in.” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Avengers or Marvel MCU. 
> 
> There will be a separate work here based on outtakes and things that didn't fit into the main storyline later on.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: implied past self-harm, unintentional attempted suicide.

**Twenty Years Later: 2010**

Partnering with Clint Barton, and later his girlfriend Natasha Romanoff a former agent of the Red Room, had been one of the most foolish, stupidest, brainless things she had done ever since she had joined the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. 

It was also one of the few things that she would never regret for the rest of her life. 

He always managed to draw something out of her, a laugh or a smile at the least. Natasha she had met with more than a bit of suspicion however soon enough the two of them were friends, often going off together to complain about anything and everything around them that they wished to. 

The three of them would often go to restaurants and bars at the end of their working days if they weren’t on missions. And more often than not the three of them would go on missions together as well. One notable mission had been to Siberia where Loki had fallen through the ice into the water of the ocean and had easily gotten out as if it had been in the middle of summer. 

When she was apart from the other two she felt a hole inside of her that she couldn’t fill again until she was with them again, a hole that made her curl up in bed and almost wish for death. 

Loki slowly and mechanically cleaned her knives with an almost robotic precision. 

Clint and Natasha had been placed on a mission together hours ago, something Clint gleefully called their version of a romantic date, and for the first time in a long time Loki hadn’t been included on the mission, something about the two of them being enough.

For the first time in ages she was alone once more. 

She had never truly realized just how quiet her apartment was, how quiet everything was when she was alone. She couldn’t even bring herself to turn on her IPod or the television or anything. A corner of her mind said that maybe she should do something else than clean her knives. 

Deep measured breaths, in and out. In and out. 

Ever since she had joined SHIELD, why it had taken so long for anyone to notice that the first letters of the words spelled the word shield was anybody’s guess, she kept busy, busier than even when she had been a teacher. There was always something that needed to be done: missions, reports, surveillance, infiltration, training, practice. Always something. 

She relished the feeling of being busy. She loved that she was learning more and more each day, more information than most people obtained in their lifetimes she had at her fingertips. Fury had mentioned something to her about a promotion meaning more access and less restrictions. 

So why couldn’t she bring herself to smile?

Why did she feel like she wanted to cry? 

Why were her hands shaking?

She slid her knives back and forth on their sharpener, occasionally stopping to look at their edges in the light to determine if more was needed or not before either putting them to the side or continuing sharpening them. 

Knives were a comfort to her more than anything else in all truths, even the countless books that she had always sought refuge in. Knives had always been her choice of weapon in Asgard, the other burlier weapons were always either too heavy or too eye catching for her tastes. 

Why were her hands still shaking?

Her heart twisted in her chest as she placed her current knife to the side and picked up another one. Placing it on the sharpener she moved it back and forth. A part of her noticed that her cellphone was, had been for quite some time now, vibrating next to her and if she looked she would have seen that Clint was calling her.

However she didn’t even realize her phone was vibrating, its sound was off.

In Asgard knives were considered an almost cowardly weapon, just like her magic. A true weapon was one that was obvious and could boast power and strength just by looking at it. 

Just one more strike on her name. 

Loki the Lie smith. Loki the Trickster. 

Loki the Unwanted. 

Her mouth opened in an almost silent scream as her hands clenched at the handle and blade part of the knife. She barely registered the fact that the blade easily sliced through the pads of her fingers coating them with blood. She didn’t realize this and continued to curl her fingers around the blade, ignorant of making her cuts deeper. 

There was something that she had always done in Asgard when she had been sharpening her knives. In order to test their sharpness and ensure to herself that they would be of the highest capacity with no dull edges. 

In truths she could have, and should have, called servants to help her check however she never saw a reason to burden them with the test. It was something she enjoyed doing.

Without thinking she slid the blade out of its place on the sharpener still slick with the blood from her still flowing wounded fingers, and placed it on her wrist and sliced through her skin. 

The pain was dull and so familiar that she did finally cry. The blood glided along her arm and down onto her knees and the ground. Placing the used knife to the side she picked up the other two that she sharpened and allowed each one to cut on her arm, each cut below the other. 

With a sigh of satisfaction she placed the knives back on the table and allowed her arm to fall to her side. She reached for the other knives that she needed to sharpen before she finally realized that something was wrong. 

She couldn’t really move the arm that she had cut. She couldn’t bring it up. 

Looking down her lips parted in surprise as her unwounded arm went to the other and brought it up. 

Blood was flowing freely down the three cuts. Bright red and captivating as it streamed down her skin and onto the ground, staining her clothes and wood. 

Her hand came up to cover the cuts and the blood seemed to ooze out between her fingers. 

Panic started to settle as her fingers slipped over the wounds and tears began to drip from her eyes. 

She wanted to scream. She needed to scream. She needed to get to her first aid kit at the very least. 

She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t move from her seat. 

Scrambling in place her blood covered hand flew to her cellphone, she threw her entire strength into the jump and while she managed to snag her cellphone she also fell to the ground. 

Her cut arm fell to the ground useless and the blood covering her hand made her fingers slip on the cellphone, staining the glass and smearing her already and rapidly clouding vision. 

She managed to give a choked and smothered whimper as her eyes closed and the hand holding the cellphone fell to the ground. 

Just before she fell into unconsciousness she managed to hear her front door being kicked open.

\----------------------------------------------------

There was a beeping noise. 

Her eyes were heavy and she couldn’t bring herself to open them. 

Everything hurt. Her eyes hurt, her head hurt, her throat hurt, her arms hurt. 

Almost as if her ears had been covered a muffled sound was brought to her attention, a shuffling sound. Something was pressed to her mouth and it took her a few seconds to realize that it was a glass. It was tipped forward by the one holding it and she managed to part her lips and water slowly slid in her parched mouth. 

She couldn’t hold back her moan as she continued to drink. The person took the glass away from her lips and it took everything she had to not beg for more. 

“Loki?” a familiar voice asked. “Open your eyes.”

Unbidden she obeyed. Her eyes snapped open only to quick shut once more at the brightness of the walls. 

Slowly her senses returned to her and she was finally able to feel that someone was holding onto her hand tightly. Weakly she clenched her fingers of the hand that was being held. Turning her head to the side she opened her eyes once more and she saw Clint was the one holding her hand and Natasha had been the one to give her water. 

Clint seemed to all but explode in anger and concern, his eyes flashing and seeming to not know which one to focus on. 

“You should have picked up.” he whispered harshly. His other hand came to his and he used both of them to clutch at her hand. “You should have picked up your fucking phone.”

“I didn’t realize it was ringing.” she said hoarsely. 

Disbelief flew on Clint’s face however before he could explode Natasha quickly came to his side and placed her hand on his shoulder. Whirling around to face her they had a silent conversation complete with Clint’s eyes and eyebrows going almost insane and Natasha’s face never changing before Clint threw his hands up into the air and stood. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms as Natasha took his now vacated seat. 

Natasha then took Loki’s hand in one of hers and entwined their fingers together. “Talk to us.” she said softly. 

Loki shook her head slightly. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to get to this.”

“Loki.” Natasha said in a measured voice. “You wouldn’t answer your phone and when we got to you, you were unconscious on your floor with your wrist slit. Did someone else do this to you?”

Loki managed to shake her head as tears began to fill her eyes once more. 

“Loki.” Natasha said gently as she rubbed her thumb over Loki’s palm. “You might not have realized what was happening but we know what we saw.” Her eyes were as soft as Loki had ever seen them. “We saw that you had tried to kill yourself.”

A gasp escaped her throat as she shook her head again and again, her tears finally fell down her cheeks in small trails. 

“I didn’t.” she insisted in a weak voice. “I didn’t. It never happened like this before.”

“Before?” Clint demanded. He started to go towards them however a glare from Natasha had him pressed against the wall once more. “You’ve tried to do this before?”

Shame flooded through her for a reason she couldn’t understand. “It’s just something that I used to do, before. It’s how I always tested my knives.”

“By cutting yourself?” Natasha said tenderly. 

She nodded her head now, her entire body was shaking and she couldn’t stop her tears or steady her voice. “It’s just…I liked it. I knew the knives…I wanted…” it seemed as if her entire body just collapsed on itself as she gave a loud sob and fell. 

Natasha’s arms came up to grab at and steady her. Clint joined her other side almost immediately. The both of them held her as she sobbed and cried. 

Pain coursed through her however she knew it wasn’t from her wrists, that was a dull pain that medications took care of. Her heart was twisting agonizingly in her chest and she could no longer control herself. 

Everything seemed to consume her. Insults and abuses over her years flashed through her. Her crimes and her sins, her punishments and her reasons. Bruises and cuts that she had carried in her life.

Most of all her loneliness. It wasn’t just from her time being banished from Asgard but what seemed to encompass her entire life from the moment she and Thor had begun their training. 

Countless taunts. Countless insults. Countless bruises that would fade within moments of getting them. 

She was tired. She was too damn tired. 

Hiccupping slightly she allowed Clint and Natasha to place her back in her hospital bed, Natasha clicked on the IV that was attached to Loki and a cold liquid entered her arm. 

Sleep soon overcame her and she fell into blessed slumber.

\----------------------------------------------------

Everything did and didn’t change after that. 

Clint and Natasha had taken time off from field work and once she had healed enough a mandatory vacation time started as well as therapist visits. 

Loki lied to the therapist more than she had ever lied in her life, something Dr. Novlet knew and wasn’t afraid to call her out on. However, no matter how much Dr. Novlet pushed and prodded Loki refused to give entire answers. 

One day she had been called into Fury’s office where Clint and Natasha were waiting for her. Fury hadn’t said a single word, he had merely pushed a picture of her towards the three of them. 

It was one of the few pictures taken at the time of the serum that had created Captain America from Steven Rogers back in the 1940s. 

Remembering Howard’s words that still at times haunted her nightmares she had sighed and decided to place her trust in one Nicholas Fury and tell him, if not the entire truth, a small part of the truth that told them that she had been there during the creation of Captain America and helped to fight somewhat in World War II. 

And that it was more than obvious that she hadn’t aged a day since then and that all her papers were now obviously forged.

She had been more than afraid that this was the moment. This was the moment that she would be taken to the labs and experimented on. 

“I haven’t aged since 1940 either.” Natasha said rolling her eyes. “Were you a part of the Red Room, the Nordic Division?”

She had been saved from answering at that moment because a news came in at that moment, Anthony Stark had been kidnapped in Afghanistan after a weapons demonstration. 

Talks of treason and supplying enemy’s filled the air after the kidnapping, there were murmurs that Tony Stark had been supplying terrorist organizations with weapons under the table. 

She wanted to believe the best of Howard’s son, however all she truly knew of the man was what had been either printed in the newspapers or the reports that she had read from SHIELD. 

Her promise to Howard echoed through her mind for three months as she tried to search for him on her own without raising any suspicion. A sudden eruption watched over by satellites caught her attention and while she couldn’t do a single thing she did send a quick notification to the United States military for them to investigate. Hours later she sat with her heart in her throat fingering her new scars on her wrist as she watched Tony Stark being brought back to the United States, scratched and bruised but thankfully alive. 

In a whirlwind of days an unidentified object had been found flying through the skies and following its pattern led them back to Starks home. 

He was building something, that much was obvious. 

Because she was on punishment from not talking to her therapist she hadn’t been allowed to go on any missions or interrogations or even interviews so all she had been able to do was read the reports that were coming in from Coulson and his attempts of getting an appointment with Virginia Potts who was also known as Starks personal pa. 

In the end Iron Man had been created.

When SHIELD had wanted someone to infiltrate Starks office life in the form of a secretary for Virginia Potts Loki had jumped at the chance to finally be able to get as close to Howards son as possible.

However her mental state was still in question from her attempted suicide, the failed therapy sessions weren’t helping, not to mention that it was obvious she had more than a bit of a personal stake in the mission and a biased outlook on Stark himself her application had been denied and Natasha had been sent out in her place.

Slowly Loki healed herself. Clint and Natasha, until she was placed on the Stark mission, helped her. She trained with the both of them once more and she started to sleep easier, something she hadn’t noticed until she realized that she had slept eight hours each night for a week straight and the dark bags under her eyes had vanished.

However, everything changed in a single day.

\----------------------------------------------------

Loki gave a groan, rubbed her hand against her eyes, and threw the cards onto the table. “I’ve got nothing.”

Clint grinned at her, spread his cards on the table, and reached over. With one sweep of his hand he pulled her candy pile to his own pile. “Better luck next time.” he said smugly as he unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it in his mouth. 

“Don’t choke on the stick.” she mumbled obviously hoping for the opposite. 

“No need to be a sore loser.” he teased. “Think of it this way, I’m saving you some time in the gym.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“Never!” he exclaimed holding his hands up innocently. “I’m just saying to lay off the sweets, you’re kinda addicted and we’re getting worried.”

“So you are calling me fat.” Loki sniffed. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. “I’m calling Natasha and telling her.”

Clint rolled his eyes and reached over to pluck her phone out of her fingers. 

“We’ve been noticing things.” Clint said ignoring Loki’s snort. “You’ve been eating a lot more lately and going to the gym more often.” He took her hands in his and slid his calloused thumb across her knuckles. “Is everything alright?”

“This has nothing to do with my weight, I assure you.” Loki said clutching his hands tightly. 

“Then what’s wrong?” he asked, his eyes almost unbidden fell to her scars on her wrists that her sleeves covered. “You can tell me, I’m your friend.”

Loki managed to give him a weak smile. “A lot of stress. That’s all. Food is somewhat comforting and so I tend to indulge. Maintaining and keeping both strength and weight is the reason for increased gym going, I will admit.” She gave a bit of a helpless shrug. “It will pass, it always does.”

Clint slowly nodded before he gave a smirk and adopted a lecherous gaze at her. “Because I hope you know you are sexy.” he drawled as he crossed over behind her and placed his hands over her hips, sides, arms, and back and tickling in certain areas until she gave a laugh. He playfully growled at her. “If I wasn’t dating Nat I would be all over you girl.”

“As if you can handle me.” Loki laughed as she pushed him away with her shoulders. Clint walked back a few steps with a grin. 

“If you two are done playing.” a dry familiar voice said. 

The pair looked up to see Coulson standing in the doorway, his face impassive as always however with a tinge of amusement clear in his eyes. 

Clint took this moment to fall cleanly on Loki’s lap to which she accepted and placed her arms around his waist.

“We’re never done.” Clint said, placing his head on her shoulder.

“You’re welcome to join if you wish.” Loki added. 

Coulson shook his head lightly. “I’m being called to new Mexico.” he said. He motioned with his head towards Loki. “Fury wants you to come with.”

Loki blinked in surprise but couldn’t help the smile that was spreading on her face. “Am I finally being allowed back on missions?”

“Consider this a test run.” Coulson said dryly. “For the time being this has a low risk rating, we need to see how you act on the field once more now. Now get to it.”

“All work and no play is what must excite Fury.” Clint said with a sigh. He slowly untangled himself from Loki and stood, stretching lightly.

“Barton, you are on standby.” Coulson continued as if Clint hadn’t said a word. “Depending on the situation we may need added security.”

Loki frowned slightly. “New Mexico? If this is about Roswell again I told you guys, it was just a dare.”

“Get ready to leave in five minutes, meet me in the garage.” Coulson said over Clint’s laughter. “Let’s move agents.” Without waiting for an answer he turned and left.

The two of them chuckled slightly as they gathered their belongings, in this case Clint’s winnings, and started towards their respective locker rooms. As Loki walked away she felt her smile slide off of her face. Something was wrong. Something was going to happen. 

“Catch.” came Clint’s voice clear in the empty hallway despite being on the other side. Her hand came up automatically at the word and she caught something small. Clint grinned at her. “For the road.”

Smiling slightly she opened her hand to reveal a red lollipop in her palm.

\----------------------------------------------------

The trip itself was a bit of an experience. She and Coulson never really had anything to say to one another on a good day despite him being her handler, it wasn’t hatred more of nothing in common with the other, and Loki had been prepared to spend the entire journey reading.

“I was recently given a file on you.” he said not taking his eyes off the road. “A real file, not the public one for all agents.”

Loki turned her tablet off with a sigh and twisted herself to look at Coulson directly. “Go ahead.” she said wearily. 

This had happened with Clint as well, sometimes she could still hear him exclaiming “Dude you’re how old?” followed by Natasha smacking him on the back of his head. 

Coulson bit his lip, looking uncharacteristically hesitant, before he let out a string of words together. “IsittrueyouknewCaptainAmerica?”

Silence rang in the car for a moment.

“What?” Loki asked.

He let out a gust of air through his lips. “Is it true that you knew Captain America?”

She couldn’t help the chuckle she let out .when it came to her file the first thing people would ask about was her age, to which she gave various answers to such as eating carrots, meditation, and a personal favorite that she dances naked under a full moon every month. The second thing people would always ask was about Steve. 

Steve. Nearly seventy years ago and the thought of him still twisted her heart.

“Yes.” she said softly. “That’s true.”

Coulson had obtained a look of pure adoration on his face and is fingers twitched slightly on the steering wheel. “What was he like?” he whispered.

“Shy.” Loki said watching Coulson’s eyes widened. She continued talking before he had a chance to say something. “On the battlefield, make no mistake, he was a leader pure and throughout. When he was with friends he was more relaxed and open however around strangers, especially women, he was very self-conscious and had a tendency to not be able to look people in the eyes.”

“The file said that you were close to him.”

Loki slowly nodded. “We didn’t have a chance to get too close, the war was the foremost part of our thoughts, and certain events happened and had us focused on more important things than a relationship.”

Coulson glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. “But…did you…love him?”

Loki leaned against the cool glass of the window and curled her fingers along the edge of the tablet. “Yes.” she said softly. “I do.”

“Do?” Coulson asked in slight surprise. 

She gave him a sad gently smile. “A body was never recovered and a wreckage or crash site never found. If only for that simple fact, I still have hope.”

“Me too.” Coulson said. He reached over to place his hand over hers for a moment as he stared straight ahead to the road in front of him and ignored her slight sniffling.

\----------------------------------------------------

The road itself was an easy one, only occasionally broken with stops for food, gas, or the bathroom. There was an event at a gas station which involved two robbers to which Loki had watched in amusement from the car. 

When they finally reached New Mexico her legs were slightly cramped from siting for so long and there was a crick in her neck. Coulson drove up to the crater and they smoothly slid out. With a sharp eye Loki glanced around noticing the amount of people and trucks. Some were hosting barbecues and others were yelling out as Loki stretched her legs, her leg bent backward with her hand at her ankle. 

As she rolled her shoulders back a few times her eyes fell onto the middle of the crater. Everything suddenly came to a crash inside of her. The blistering heat from above and the heavy and meat scented air around her faded. Her leg fell out of her grip to the ground as she fell to her knees and she didn’t realize she was screaming until she was able to comprehend Coulson’s arms around her and his voice in her with one hand covering her mouth. 

It didn’t matter how long her screaming fest lasted. That she wasn’t able to restrain herself as the agent she is. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t able to retain some dignity.

Nothing mattered.

Because she was staring right at mjolnir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Avengers. 
> 
> Sorry that this seems a bit rushed guys, I want to stay on the main story and like said in the previous chapter, there will be a separate piece of oneshots and things that didn’t fit into the story some other time.


	11. Chapter 11

She didn’t know how long it took for Coulson to calm her down. Perhaps it was because he was a fellow agent, or her handler, or maybe because they seemed to cross some bridge over this time. Whatever it was he held her close to him with his arms around her tightly and the both of them on the ground, neither noticing the sand or dirt on their clothes. 

When she finally took deep breaths in and stopped hyperventilating Coulson picked her up bridal style and placed her in the backseat of the car. He turned the air conditioner on and rummaged through her bag until he pulled out her still full water bottle and watched her until she drank half of it. When he was self-assured that she wouldn’t have another fit he slid out of the car and pulled his phone out. She couldn’t make out the words but within seconds he was back with her. 

“SHIELD will be here in two hours with labs, guards, and all the good stuff.” he told her. His voice softened as he added “Barton is one of them.”

Not trusting her voice Loki settled for nodding as she took another sip of water. 

“I didn’t tell them about what just happened.” he continued. “Do you know what this is and what it can do?”

She closed her eyes and nodded. 

“Will you?”

“I’ll try.” she whispered. 

Coulson nodded this time. “If you are emotionally compromised I can get you off the mission.”

Loki shook her head harshly. “Agent first, everything else second.” she said firmly.

Coulson grinned at her surprisingly. “That’s right.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
She got out of the car when the other agents of SHIELD arrived and helped to settle everything. Tents, computers, and guard towers were set up. The people that had been attempting to move mjolnir weren’t happy about leaving and needed to be persuaded to. 

The entire time Loki barely managed to keep the weapon out of her mind. She tried to focus completely on whatever task she had at hand. When Clint finally arrived, bless him, he had taken one look at her and immediately started cracking jokes about her shriveling and melting under the desert sun.

Three hours later they were settled and working with the notes that they friendly acquired, Coulson’s words not hers, from a Dr. Foster and everyone had settled in place.

Slowly Loki walked through the tents and stood on the level that overlooked mjolnir and simply watched. People were running back and forth, orders and observations were being yelled and when she glanced to the sides she saw the computers, the scanners, almost everything electric was barely working and kept shortening out every few minutes. 

Licking her lips she could practically taste the static and electricity in the air. Her blood was coursing heavily through her veins and her heart was audible in her ears. 

Slowly she turned and walked to the side where the ladder was and stepped down until she was on ground level as mjolnir and made her way to it in slow and steady steps.

The hammer was just like she remembered. Large and boasting of power even when it was still. Her eyes raked over the metal, not a single scratch or mark. As she got closer she could swear she could hear Thor’s triumphant yelling in her ears and the applause of the court for the first time in over seventy years.

She finally reached the hammer, the hammer that she had personally ensured to be forged before Odin placed his magic upon it, and simply stared at it. Then with a surprisingly steady hand she reached out, aware the entire time of Coulson’s eyes on her, she curled her fingers around the handle and pulled. 

She would never be able to deny that sweet relief coursed through her when the hammer refused to move an inch.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
Thunder cracking through the sky was the only warning they received before the rain started to fall almost immediately after.

Loki glanced upwards as she pressed back under the cover of the tents. The hair on the back of her neck was rising. She shared a glance with Clint who was standing next to her. 

Alarms suddenly rang out and Coulson’s voice was clear in her ear. 

“Security breach.” he said, his voice brisk and to the point. 

Neither of them wasted another word. Clint ran to the area where the weapons were held and she ran into the tent leading to mjolnir, her hand bringing her gun out of her holster.

It was easy to hear the commotion now that the entire base was on alert. The grunts and the cries of the agents and the intruder. In her mind’s eye she could see them being thrown to the side with ease.

“Send in the big guns.” she realized she was saying into her mouthpiece. “Our regulars won’t be able to hold him back.”

She knew exactly who the intruder was.

She finally skidded to a halt in front of mjolnir. As she climbed the ladder upward to join Coulson who had just appeared her eyes went to the torn sheets. 

“You want me to slow him down sir?” Clint’s voice said in her ear. She glanced up at Coulson. “Or are you sending more people for him to beat up?”

Coulson’s eyes met hers as he brought his radio up. Loki bit her lip and gently shook her head. 

“I’ll keep you posted.” Coulson said still watching her. 

She could almost hear the smirk in Clint’s voice when he said “You better call it Coulson, I’m starting root for this guy.”

At that moment everything around her stopped to a point that Loki forgot how to breathe. Because at that moment Thor walked in.

Even covered in dirt, mud, and rain he still practically glowed as the golden prince he was. He didn’t so much as walk but swagger towards mjolnir, his face alight from the victory of another battle. He was just as she remembered him.

Her eyes narrowed as a feeling of dread descended on her, she stepped forward and placed her hands on the railings as she leaned over and watched. Why was Thor on earth? Why was he wearing earth clothes? Why didn’t he simply summon mjolnir to him?

Why, after all this time, is Asgard having to do something with earth?

Thor finally reached mjolnir and extended his hand to curl his fingers around the handle. His eyes were bright and alight, filled with confidence that he always had.

If he looked up now, a mere two or three feet he would look directly at her. 

In her ear piece she swore she heard Clint draw his arrow back, ready to let go. She looked to Coulson and briskly shook her head.

She turned back to Thor as Coulson relayed the order not to shoot. Thor had been attempting to pull mjolnir off the ground. He failed each time and despair clouded his face with each attempt.

This had nothing to do with her she realized, her face smoothing over and her body relaxing. She couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on her face or the satisfaction she felt as Thor fell to his knees and cried to the heavens. 

Thor, it seemed, was the banished one now.

“Alright everyone, that’s enough.” Coulson said into his radio. “Clean up everyone.”

Loki stepped back as other agents moved in. She could hear Clint on her ear piece muttering about having to get wet and watched as Thor was led away with no resistance.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
She walked beside Coulson to the compartment where Thor was being kept. Along the way she placed her hair in a bun and kept the bangs covering her face slightly, sneaked out a pair of glasses without the agent realizing, had taken one of the white lab coats that hanging on a hook, and picked up a clipboard all without breaking her step and without Coulson saying a word. 

She dug a pen out of the coat pocket and posed it over the clipboard she had borrowed without permission from one of the other scientists as they entered and Loki found herself within feet of Thor Odinson for the first time in over seventy years. 

She pretended to make notes in the guise of recording the conversation, as if there wasn’t at least three machines recording every last inch of the room, however it gave her the opportunity she needed to look at Thor. 

The mud and dirt had been washed off leaving him completely clean. His hair was still golden, her memory of him had dimmed slightly or perhaps it was because the absence of his armor. He had a downtrodden and almost defeated look on his face that was a bit foreign to her. 

Thor was in banishment; the selfish, conceited, spoiled prince of Asgard had finally done something that had moved the Allfather to punish him. 

The only question was what, what had Thor done that was so big that it would induce banishment?

She had been half listening to Coulson’s questions the entire time however she perked up at the next one. 

“Who are your allies?” Coulson asked at the unresponsive Thor. “Or are you alone?”

Thor didn’t answer.

“Can we expect someone to come vouch for you civilly?” Coulson asked. He waited a moment before he strangely asked “Do you have any siblings?”

Loki threw him a questioning glance which he ignored with ease. Her grip on the pen tightened as she turned back to her papers.

Thor finally made a sound, a scoff, at the question but didn’t say anything.

Coulson tilted his head. “Is that a yes or a no?”

Finally Thor looked up at him and locked gazes with Coulson. “I do not have any siblings.” he said with finality. 

Loki felt her grip on her pen tighten to almost breaking point as the fingers that curled around the clipboard tightened until it hurt.

Without saying a word she turned and left the compartment, trying to steady her breathing and keep the sudden tears at bay.

Heimdall could easily see her, the gatekeeper saw through all the nine realms. It would be a simple matter for him to turn his gaze onto her. Asgard would not think she was dead. 

Unless she was banished. For the Asgardians banishment was worse than death. According to the laws the being no longer held any titles, protection, or even acknowledgement. 

However Thor, she blinked harder to keep the tears back, was apparently in banishment as well. Not to mention their shared past. They had been raised together, they fought together and played together. Seventy years was nothing to Asgard and yet he easily forgot her.

She didn’t know where she was going however her feet seemed to know what she needed because she entered the mess hall and immediately her eyes located Clint.

Clint, as always, was always tuned into his friends and his head turned to her the moment she entered. Even from across the room she could see his eyes widen. He jumped to his feet and met her halfway. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked lowly. 

She met his eyes for a moment before she shook her head. Understanding flitted through his face before he nodded. He tightened his grip on her wrist and led her out of the mess hall. They walked together in silence for a few minutes passing by people, cargo, weapons, and the like until they reached a deserted area where they were hidden by filled and covered crates.

The second he turned to her Loki felt her feeble hold on her emotions shatter and she burst into tears. Clint’s arms immediately embraced her, one hand tucking her head in between his neck and shoulder and the other rubbing her back soothingly. He hummed a tune in her ear quietly and simply waited.

She didn’t know how long she cried, however it wasn’t until no more tears could fall and she started to hiccup that Clint drew back. His hands came up to cup her face and his thumbs wiped away her tears. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked again gently.

Before she could answer a familiar voice said “Something we would all like to know.” The two agents turned to see Coulson walking towards them.

His eyes were hard however his voice was gently when he asked “Something you would like to share with us Serpent?”

Hearing her codename and knowing that Asgard, especially Thor, had turned their backs on her Loki felt something within her snap. Upon a split decision to know where her loyalties lied she brought her shoulders back, lifted her head high, and said in a clear voice “His name is Thor. And I was once his sister.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
Her explanation was to be cut short when a man named Selvig came to bail Thor out using the guise of Donald Blake, a scientist. Loki had been hidden in the side but still heard every word, she nearly felt a rib crack at her attempts to keep her laughter in and her nearly breaking point had been when Selvig enthusiastically stated that Thor was on steroids.

Eventually they allowed Thor to leave with the man, she didn’t even bother to watch him leave, and soon enough she was ushered into a private room that held no recording machines and soundproof walls.

Clint joined the two moments later and when Coulson called Fury on his phone and placed him on speaker Loki requested that Clint do the same only to call Natasha. 

Once her audience was settled Loki took a deep breath and started to talk. She told them of her banishment; she didn’t linger on her reason and was thankful that they didn’t ask, and talked shortly of her seventy years on earth. She told them of Thor, his abilities, and mjolnir. That Thor was in banishment and that she has had no contact with Asgard for the entire time and she knew nothing of what was happening in the other realms.

There was a tense silence that filled the room once she had finished. Coulson and Clint were staring at her in surprise with their mouths open slightly, no sound came from either of the phones.

Finally, and surprisingly, it was Fury that broke the silence. 

“Mother Fucker.” he cursed and in all honesty that was everything that could and needed to be said. It also broke the silence as they all let out awkward chuckles. 

“So you’re a former alien princess in banishment for the last seventy years.” Clint summarized. He smirked slightly “What the hell do you write on your census?”

“SHIELD helped to create a fake identity and past once we realized that she wasn’t aging, before that Serpent took care of it herself.” Fury said. They could almost hear him rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Officially Loki Odinsdottir is an orphan raised by a church somewhere in Norway or someplace like that. Unofficially, we had no clue and she wasn’t telling.”

“I would have thought that SHIELD would have done anything and everything to get information.” Natasha said speaking for the first time.

“Once we realized Serpent wasn’t aging we at first thought mutant.” Fury continued. “Then when it came to light that her past was fake and her blood came negative for the mutant gene we did want to experiment on her.”

“And what stopped you?” Loki asked surprisingly calmly. 

“At the time Howard Stark was still alive and made it very clear that not only were you under his protection but if we made so much as a single move towards you he would terminate the Stark contract with SHIELD.” Fury said dryly. His voice softened then in such a way that the three agents had to strain their ears to hear it. “Now you’re a bit too valuable to us as an agent than a lab experiment.”

“Thank you.” Loki said simply as she lowered her eyes. Clint slid his chair closer to hers and placed his arm around her shoulders.

“As long as you answer any questions we have of course.” Coulson added. 

Loki couldn’t help her laugh as she draw her arm across her eyes. “Of course.”

“First you, then Thor.” Natasha said. “Why is earth so popular?”

“Because it is not included.” Loki said simply. “The nine realms are connected and watched over by Heimdall, the guard of Asgard, and while there are communications between the other eight earths is not taken into consideration because they have no magic branch. In fact the eight realms see earth as childish, weak, and unimportant. It is cut off from the other realms and therefore is basically a free for all.”

Fury gave a snarl. “A free for all? Childish, weak, and unimportant? Who the hell do they think they are? Who the hell is Heimdall?”

“Heimdall is the guard of Asgard, he stays in the observatory and can watch and hear throughout all the nine realms.” Loki said. “The biggest and best spy simply.”

At Fury’s next bout of cursing Loki and Clint jumped and covered each other’s ears. At Coulson’s amused nod they put down their hands.

“Agent Odinsdottir.” Fury said curtly. “I expect a report on my desk in one week telling in explicit detail all these realms and everyone that you can list including but not limited to their abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and status.”

Loki frowned slightly. “I’m going to need more than a week Nick.”

“Week and a half then.” Fury said ignoring her snort. “On my desk. Explicit detail.”

“Sir yes sir.” Loki mumbled.

“Right now our main concern is Thor.” Coulson said. “He is a threat and we need to take him out or send him home.”

“He is in banishment right now and until he learns his lesson he will remain human.” Loki mused. “Knowing him as I do that may take a while, he is very arrogant and humility is something new to him.”

Coulson’s phone gave a beep and he spared it a glance. “Thor has returned to Dr. Fosters place. I doubt he’ll do anything tonight.”

“Get some sleep guys.” Natasha said. “Nothing else is happening today and you’ll need all the strength for tomorrow.”

They quickly said their goodbyes, with Fury calling out “A week and a half agent.” and Coulson and Clint slid their phones into their pockets.

Loki took in a deep breath, held it for a few moments, and slowly let it out. Her hands were shaking and her heart was still beating fast in her chest. 

“Come on.” Clint said sliding his arm around her shoulders. “I’ll treat you to some bitter coffee and dry food in the cafeteria.”

She laughed slightly and placed her head on his shoulder and allowed him to guide her out. 

Later when they returned to their barracks Loki pulled out her laptop and opened a new document. She stared at it for a moment biting her lip before she started typing. 

The first section of the report was titled Asgard.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next few hours after waking up in the morning was a blur. In between her running her every morning run and eating the dried up waffles with not enough syrup there had been another surge of energy. She had been standing next to Coulson when the notification of “Base, we got-uh- Xena, Robin Hood, and Jackie Chan.”

“The Warriors Three and Sif.” Loki said immediately. “Friends of Thor and almost as hungry for fights. They are loyal only to him.”

Coulson nodded slowly.

They moved quickly towards the area where the surge had taken place, where Heimdall had released the Rainbow Bridge she finally realized, brought Loki to the sight where the very familiar runes were etched onto the ground. Other agents were swarming around it, taking very careful care not to touch and ruin the design as they took notes and pictures. 

Her eyes flew over the runes as a corner of her mind translated them into something that might resemble English she felt the hair on the back of her neck rise once more. 

Looking upwards she barely had time for her eyes to widen and to jump to the side before another tunnel was created in a burst of light and pure energy which caused her eyes to water even behind her lids. 

When the blast was finished she pried her eyes open with dread to see who else had joined them. Her heart sank in her chest. 

She was staring at the Destroyer, the guard of the vault of Asgard which housed some of the most dangerous weapons in the entire universe and beyond.

“Do not engage!” she yelled out orders. “I repeat, do not engage!”

She trailed back with her eyes firmly on the Destroyer as it seemed to be scanning its surroundings. It gave off a low hum as its face shifted slightly to reveal the fire underneath its metal before blasting at one of their cars. 

Flying behind one of the still standing cars to avoid the debris as the Destroyer started forward, blasting at whatever laid in its way as it started towards the town. 

“Serpent, please tell me that is one of Starks so I can at least try to get some sort of a lawsuit against him.” Coulson said in her ear. 

“Wish I could say that.” she answered back. “It’s a guard from Asgard, it obeys the king.”

“Well what the hell did the king order?” Coulson demanded. 

“I’ll get back to you on that.” Loki said back as her eyes fell on the Destroyers back. “It’s heading for the town, we need to evacuate the citizens and we need to evacuate them now.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
She was back into her disguise and stayed a few paces behind Coulson. Pushing the glasses up higher she hurried to the scene.

And there was Thor, clothed in his armor and cape and shining as bright as the sun above. His smile was the brightest, his pride and arrogance clear and direct to the world as he declared his importance. 

She had never hated him more.

The ruined destruction of the Destroyer laid in pieces behind him, she categorized each part that she could remember made up the Destroyer and was already relaying instructions into her wrist communicator for each and every piece to be picked up and taken to SHIELD labs. 

She barely listened to either person, Thor or Coulson, and in truth Thor no longer had anything she cared about to hear. Not soon Thor was in the skies, oddly enough he had taken one of the women with him.

 _‘Good riddance.’_ Loki thought to herself as she turned back to the cars. 

Later that day as she was eating lunch and continuing her report for Fury Clint had come up to her smirking and handed her an envelope. When she opened it and took the card out she laughed. It was an ID with her picture and name on it and it declared her a citizen of earth.

Still giggling slightly she stroke her printed name with her thumb. Making up her mind she pulled her phone out and sent a text to Fury.

_“Permission to change last name.”_

_“Granted. To what?”_

Loki smiled as she remembered her true first friend and how she would not be here if not for him. 

_“Erskine.”_

_“Get the forms and new identifications, submit everything in less than twenty four hours. Report?”_

_“Writing it as we speak.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason for everything that happened here although I understand that it might be a bit confusing at the moment everything will be explained: why Thor thought Loki was dead, who sent the Destroyer. Everything will be explained in the future chapters and I hope nobody was too disappointed at the Thor-Loki interaction in the chapter. 
> 
> I believe the next chapter will contain a certain frozen Star Spangled Man with a Plan. 
> 
> I do not own The Avengers or MCU.


	12. Chapter 12

In the end it took her only eight days to write the complete report. 

Eight days of sleepless nights where Clint joked that she had hooked herself onto a coffee IV while Natasha threatened her with a sleeping dart in the neck if Loki wouldn’t go and sleep for at least eight hours. 

Loki had laughed at Natasha’s words but when she suddenly felt a pinprick in her neck moments later and she woke up missing ten hours in her bed she realized she would have to start taking Natasha’s threats a bit more seriously. 

Clint had laughed himself silly when she stumbled into her living room only to see the both of them sitting on her couch and drinking her coffee as if they lived there when he saw her disarrayed picture and while she wasn’t completely positive she was sure that he had taken pictures of her with her bedhead and of her while she slept to use as future blackmail. 

While she had laughed with them, after handing her a caramel whipped cream latte that she loved as a peace offering, she was also happy that Natasha had basically drugged her to go to sleep. Ever since Thor had come barging back into her life with his usual fanfare and booming tone she found her life was disturbed. Almost intruded and if she had to pick a word she would have picked violated. 

Thor had no business on Earth. Earth is her home, her place. Asgard was his and if he knew what was best, and in all truth she doubted that he had gained common sense in her absence, he will stay in Asgard. 

The thought that she would live and perhaps one day die on Earth no longer scared her. In fact she found that she, if not enjoyed, was comforted that if she did die one day on earth that she would have friends that mourned her death because they liked her and not because of her talents. They would truthfully mourn her and miss her with her loss. 

Her friends lingered over the jagged cuts over her wrist that remained despite the surgery. She refused to get laser surgery to get rid of the scars, she wanted to keep them and remember everything about them. 

As she had written her report to Fury about the other nine realms more often time than not over the past eight days she would go to the roof of her apartment with a blanket on her shoulders, her laptop on her lap as she typed, and a cooling cup of either coffee or tea beside her. Whenever she wanted to take a break from tying she curl under her blanket and take small sips from her drink while looking at the stars and sky. 

She thought of Earth. She thought of Steve, whose name still brought pain to her. Sometimes she thought of Asgard. 

Most of all she thought of her own place. 

She has not aged in seventy years although she was vulnerable to wounds and viruses, one momentous occasion when she had an allergy attack during the spring; something that never happened to her before and had never happened once, and she had taken medication for it. She remembered taking the medication and the next thing she knew she was in her underwear and bra kneeling outside of Wisconsin in a field of flowers. Apparently she had gotten high from the medication to a point that she managed to walk all the way to Wisconsin from Missouri where she had been stationed, had stripped to her underwear along the way, and had been having a deep and detailed conversation with flowers on the pros and cons of the rising gas prices verses the advantages of bike riding.

Clint had recorded the entire thing as he had followed her from the base to make sure nothing happened to her while at the same time letting her go wherever she had wished to at the time.

At first she had thought that her youth and age was a direct result of eating the Golden Apples of Idunn in her youth. 

Her entire ideal and perception of what used to be her world however hadn’t just been turned inside out as much as destroyed completely and simply more questions arose, questions she will never get an answer to, when she had taken a mission with Clint and Natasha in Siberia during the winter and she had fallen into the ice covered lake, because with her luck of course she had to fall into the only hole that was there.

It no longer mattered to her. As far as she was concerned she was of earth. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything in her past was that, her past. Something she was learning to let go of. Something that no longer had the power to drag her under the waters and refuse to release its hold. 

Loki Odinsdottir was dead. She was dead and gone. 

Loki Erskine was all that remained. 

So she finished her report in eight days. She outlined each of the eight remaining realms from Muspelheim which was ruled by the fire demons to Helheim the realm of the dead which was ruled by Hela and every one in between. She wrote everything she remembered about each ones culture, each ones ruler and classes, she outlined their powers and specialties and any potential weaknesses they might have. While her information was still rather dated, having no contact for seventy years meant she had missed whatever new inventions had been created and any new magic’s that had been discovered, however as Coulson had said it was better to have slightly outdated information rather than no information at all. 

At the morning of her ninth day she stared at her typed report for a full twelve minutes and twenty six seconds, she had counted, before she had sent it to Fury and going to print it and give in a physical copy in as well. 

She just didn’t know what to do to settle that restless feeling in her stomach. Until the November month rolled along and commercials started to advertise for Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving was simultaneously a familiar and a foreign concept for her. Familiar in the sense that living in America for over seventy years she had seen it countless times. Foreign in the sense that she had never personally experienced the holiday.

It was pure madness and insanity that she found herself inviting Natasha, Clint, Coulson, Fury, and Maria Hill to her apartment two weeks before the holiday. Most of them had been surprised at the invitation however they accepted nonetheless. Clint had said as long as there was stuffing and pie he was there. 

Living on her own for so long helped her to learn how to cook properly, she simply never made the foods that were required for the holiday and never the amount of food for more than two people at the most.

She spent her semi free time researching what was needed and what she had to make. She copied the recipes she was going to use into a separate notebook, occasionally changing the amount or an ingredient.

Two days were dedicated to battling the supermarkets and getting everything she needed including a bigger table, chairs, and silverware.

The day of thanksgiving she woke up early and immediately started cooking. As par for what read online she made stuffing and four different salads, there was mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with marshmallows. There was two kinds of pies being baked and the smells filled the air.

And of course, the turkey. The proclaimed highlight and main star of the entire holiday. 

It was the first thing she started to cook and the last to be pulled out of the oven. The entire day she had checked on it almost religiously to ensure that it was cooking properly.

Surprisingly Fury was the first to arrive at her apartment with two bottles of red wine and two bottles of white wine in a basket. It was strange enough to see him in a sweater and pants and in her home especially when he offered to help set the table.

Soon enough Phil, Maria, Natasha, and Clint joined with each of them bringing something. The food was brought out and under, surprisingly, Coulson’s prompting he head the grace and prayer before they started to eat. 

The wine was good and strong, everyone complimented the food; even going so far as to almost cheer at the sight of the turkey when Loki brought it out and Fury cut it. Later dessert filled any remaining empty spaces in their stomachs. Clint was groaning and moaning that he couldn’t eat another bite and “Loki you’re making me gain too much weight, I swear, I’m not going to be able to fit into the air vents anymore,” and everyone was smiling. 

Loki couldn’t keep her smile off of her face. Seventy years on earth and she had finally found herself a home and a family.

\---------------------------------

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. The strength left her body and she wasn’t aware of Fury calling her name.

She blinked and suddenly everything cleared once more. She was then made aware that Fury had his hands on her arms and she was sitting in a chair. 

She was sure that she had been standing a few minutes ago. 

Swallowing a few times to get rid of the lump in her throat unsuccessfully she hoarsely said “What?”

“We’ve recovered a vessel off the coast of the Atlantic.” Fury repeated slowly. “An aircraft that went missing back in 1945.”

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Her eyes wouldn’t focus and her heart refused to slow down. 

“Inside was a body, completely frozen.”

Her entire world was spinning, nothing was making any sense anymore. 

“We’ve managed to identify and defrost the body. It is Steven Rogers.”

It’s been over seventy years. He couldn’t be here again. It’s been over seventy years. How could he be here again?

“He is still alive. He is now awake.”

“Where?” she croaked. Moving fast she now grabbed Fury’s arms. She could barely recognize her own voice as she all but yelled “Where is he!?”

“Second floor, medical center.”

She all but flew out of her seat towards the door and into the hallway. Choosing to forgo the elevator she raced down the stairs. Once she reached the second floor she threw the door open and ran down to the medical center. 

Agents stepped out of her way and she didn’t bother to stop and apologize to the ones she did bump into. 

She slowed down once she turned the corner and stood motionless at the door. Dimly she could hear voices on the other side but couldn’t make out the words. With a shaking hand she curled her fingers on the doorknob and slowly opened and entered the room. 

The doctor was facing her however the man had his back to her. His hair was combed neatly and he was dressed in a plain white shirt and sweatpants. He was broad shouldered and seemed to not know how to hold himself. 

Barely able to breathe as hope began to grow inside of her Loki just managed to whisper “Steve?”

The man stiffened slightly before, with seemingly a great deal of effort, turned around to face her. 

Steven Rogers sky blue eyes met her greens ones for the first time since 1945.

Neither of them said a word as Steve turned himself so that he was able to look at her fully. Everything else around them slowed down. 

“Loki?” he breathed. 

Then, as sudden as everything stopped it all came forward once more. Loki felt something inside of her break at Steve’s voice. His face held suspicion, fear, and hope all at once while he looked at her in disbelief. 

She felt tears gather and fall from her eyes as she took hesitant steps towards him with her hand extended towards him. As she finally reached him she placed her hand over his heart. Her fingers curled slightly as she felt the warmth of his skin, however what grabbed her attention the most was the steady beating of his heart underneath. 

His hand came up to cup her face and tilt her head back so that their eyes met once more. 

“If this is another trick by SHIELD.” he said his voice shaking. “I am going to punch someone.”

A choked laugh managed to escape her lips however it didn’t stop her tears from falling as she threw herself at him. Loki curled her arms around him and placed her head on his chest. 

“It’s me.” she told him. “It’s me, Steve. It’s me.”

His arms came up and around her. “Loki?” he said breathlessly, she felt his chin on her shoulder and his entire body starting to shake.

“Steve.” she said relishing the feel of his name on her tongue. She brought herself back slightly and pressed her forehead to his as she breathed in his scent; clean and pure, smelling like fresh laundry and the hospital sheets, none of which should have been comforting however combined with the feel of his arms around her she felt herself start to tear up slightly. “Welcome home.”

\---------------------------------

Having Steve back filled a hole Loki hadn’t realized was there. She had immediately put in her request for time off, which Coulson had granted just as fast, and helped Steve to fill out his paperwork until he was finally dismissed.

She had thrown a quick text to Clint and Natasha so that they knew the situation and then devoted her time to help Steve adjust. 

Fury had sent an army of doctors to check him over in every sense possible, doctors that saw Steve as a patient and not a lab experiment, and she supervised each visit with a protective eye. 

After the doctor’s visit she started slowly. She got history books from the library and once Steve finished those she showed him the technology she had, her computer and tablet, which he had used carefully with gentle hands and wide eyes. She showed him how to use the internet and streamed movies onto her TV. 

They would walk to Central Park and she would watch Steve’s face as he would marvel at everything around them. She laughed when he warily tried new food, sushi had been an interesting experience when he had accidently taken a mouthful of wasabi and to his relief of pizza and hotdogs being the same. 

They rode the train together down to Brooklyn where he went to the paces of his childhood. The apartment building he had lived in was still there and being occupied by other families. The graveyard where his mother was buried was thankfully still there and he spent over an hour there talking to his mother while she stood a respectful distance away until he called her over. 

They went to the museums and theatres, both for movies and plays, and they would cook together. She embarrassingly showed him her paintings which he looked at good naturedly even at the ones of him. 

He moved into her apartment and stayed in her spare room that before had been nothing more than a place to put all of her stuff that she hadn’t needed at the time or her material possessions that she hadn’t wished to throw away because she had gotten attached to them. Moving everything out had taken half the day and the other half was devoted to getting Steve a proper bed and later they added more furniture. 

She had thrown him a look when he had suggested that he could get his own apartment and the message must have been clear enough because he never brought the topic up again. 

When she heard him crying in the middle of the night for his loss, the loss of losing Bucky was still recent enough for him for the pain to still be sharp, she would always slip out of bed and go to his room where she would hold him as he cried himself out. He had given up pretending that he was crying after the first time. He had also apologized multiple times for intruding on her in such a way. 

She told him that there was no shame in mourning his past, for her it had been seventy years however for him his past was merely a few days ago. 

One night that they stayed in and their stomachs were full from the dinner Steve had made that they ate on her balcony and now sipping from their glasses of wine. They were cuddling on the couch that they had dragged out to watch the stars Loki had leaned forward, just as she had grabbed him all those years ago, and kissed him firmly on the mouth. 

To her utmost delight Steve kissed back, cupping her face in his hand as his thumb skidded along her cheek. At that moment everything was perfect and she didn’t want to leave, wished that it would all freeze in place and nothing would change.

\---------------------------------

Then everything changed when a secret research facility where Clint was guarding collapsed with a sudden arrival of an Asgardian.

\---------------------------------

Loki and Steve had been sparring in an old fashioned gym that Steve had found. While there was some holding back, if Steve punched her with his complete strength he just might kill her, it allowed her to go all out without worrying that she would hurt him.

She is well trained, training for years on her own and somehow managing to retain a good deal of her immortality and obviously her youth, something she suspects was caused by eating the golden apples of her youth, she still has a body in its prime. Years of gymnastics, martial arts, and once Natasha and she became friends they had helped each other to combine dance and their attack sot create a unique style of fighting.

Knowing that her strength was nothing compared to his Loki used his own weight and strength against him. Steve, however, was a fast learner and quickly learned to block her properly which lead to her using her own weight and gravity.

When she heard Fury enter the gym her legs had been wrapped around Steve’s neck, his hand had been entangled in her hair, and the both of them were panting and sweating. 

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Fury said dryly, entering the gym with his arms behind his back.

Breathing heavily the two of them untangled and stood a few inches away from each other while biting down giggles. 

“No sir.” Loki managed to say.

Fury shot the both of them a leveled look before seemingly coming to the decision that it wasn’t worth his time. 

“The both of you need to come in.” Fury told them. “I’m reinstating the Avengers Initiative.”

\---------------------------------

In the span of less than ten minutes Clint had been compromised, Doctor Selvig had been compromised, an unknown had come through a portal, and the tesseract that Loki hadn’t known that SHIELD had was stolen.

She watched the video of the entire escape on her tablet while Steve and Coulson talked for the first time in the front of the plane. 

All the possible Avengers were being contacted and brought to the hellicarrier. A few hours earlier Natasha had texted her with a picture of Bruce Banner and the two words _‘Bozho moe.’_

She stopped the video and zoomed in on the stranger and her eyes widened when she realized just who was holding a scepter and had taken Clint and the tesseract.

Pulling out her cell phone she typed out a quick text to Fury. 

_‘Her name is Nanna and she is from Asgard.’_ Her heart was in pounding in her chest and she turned her tablet off just in time to hear Coulson say “I watched you, when you slept.”

\---------------------------------

It was a relief to see Natasha again and the two of them embraced with Loki whispering reassurances about Clint to her to which Natasha nodded gratefully to.

Everything was starting to blur together as preparation for a war would. She met and shook the hands of Dr. Banner, his grip was firm however his eyes avoided hers. Acting on an impulse she mentioned his last thesis on radiation that he had published before the accident and said that she hoped if he would have time later in the day that they could get together and compare notes. Something that she noted with satisfaction seemed to relax him, especially when he saw Steve being too close to her to be labeled only a friend. 

She repeated all the information she remembered about Nanna; her position on Asgard, her possible powers, and any skills and weaknesses she had, and soon enough there was a sighting in Germany to which Loki, Steve, and Natasha immediately took off to. 

She watched from the plane as Steve fought against Nanna, her fingers hovering over her trigger the entire time ready to push it at a moment’s notice. 

Suddenly rock music blared through the plane to Loki’s confusion although Natasha looked like she was fighting a smile. 

_“Agent Romanoff, did you miss me?”_ Tony Stark’s familiar voice rung out. Together Steve and Tony seemed to overpower Nanna who surrendered easily.

Almost too easily. 

Once Nanna was on the place with them Loki kept her back to the Asgardian in the hopes of not being noticed and didn’t speak, she only occasionally looked over her shoulder to smile reassuringly at Steve. 

She listened with half an ear and a smile as Steve and Tony bickered with one another. Her smile faded however when thunder boomed across the skies and when she looked there were no clouds. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked lowly touching her shoulder lightly. He threw her a small smile and asked teasingly “You’re not scared of a little lightning, are you?”

Loki threw another glance out the window shield. “I’m not that fond of what follows.”

Steve’s forehead crinkled slightly however before he could say anything the plane suddenly tilted to the side with the force of someone hitting the aircraft. 

Or perhaps landing on it. 

Tony opened the chute and seemed to get ready to fly out when a mess of gold and red all but kicked him to the side. When Steve tried to intercept he was thrown out of the way. 

Immediately Loki unclipped her seatbelt and simply flew to Steve’s side. He groaned as he sat up and she placed her hand on his arm and the back of his head, to feel a bump already forming there, and the ignored the struggle she saw happening with Nanna and the newcomer. 

The both of them got to their feet at the ready, Steve picking up his shield and her hand going to her side where her gun was, when she was suddenly yanked forward. 

The hand that had curled itself around her arm tightly pulled her until she was centimeters from Thor’s blue eyes. His widened and hers glared back at him. Before she could do anything he whirled her so that her own arm wrapped around her body, grabbed Nanna and pulled her into the same arm holding Loki, and jumped from the plane and into the skies. 

All of it happened in less than ten seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Avengers or MCU.
> 
> I also made a twitter where I will be posting updates on my fanfics as well as future project ideas and which story will be updated next. Here is the url https://twitter.com/Writerly_Way. Follow me if you wish.


	13. Chapter 13

Loki was terrified as they soared through the air. She struggled to pull herself free from Thor’s grasp to his only response was to tighten his hold. Nanna was in a similar situation and thankfully it provided the distraction Loki needed to not be noticed for the time being.

Before she could even realize it land was reaching them. Realization came to her half a second before it happened and she steeled herself as best as she was able to just as Thor threw her and Nanna to the ground. The Asgardian gave a small groan however immediately sat up in place. Loki, on the other hand, held back a whimper and took deep measured breaths as she mentally tallied any wounds on her body and waited for her vision to clear and the earth to stop spinning. 

There was a loud clang in front of her which told her that Thor had set down Mjolnir and the crunch of gravel meant he was walking towards her. Nothing could hide the desperation and hope in his voice when he said shakily “Loki?”

Sighing to herself, and pressing her bracelet slightly to activate its GPS tracking chip, she willed herself to sit up. Rubbing the back of her head she opened her eyes and said in an annoyed tone “What?”

Centuries of knowing Thor and still being able to read his body language is what prompted her to throw herself to the side and to her feet to avoid Thor’s arms as he leapt at her intent on hugging her tightly. At her sudden movement her entire body protested and pain shot through her, for a moment she worried that she had bruised her ribs if not broken them. 

Thor’s confused and hurt look reminded her of a kicked puppy and he took a step towards her with his arms raised “Sister.”

Anger flashed through her, quick and sharp, and without thinking she reached out with her foot to find a stray rock and kicked it hard towards Thor who easily caught it. “I’m not your sister.”

It had been too quiet on Nannas part and Loki realized this as her instinct flared up. She brought her arms up and blocked an attempt at a punch and threw nana to the side. Not to be deterred Nanna threw herself at Loki.

Moving quickly Loki was finally able to draw out her gun and shot it twice, once in either of Nannas legs. The other woman fell to the ground with a cry, however Loki knew the wounds would heal within minutes. She turned back to Thor who was watching her with an unreadable look. 

“You’ve changed Loki.” he said softly.

“Being denounced by everyone I knew would do that to a person.” Loki said crossing her arms. “That and my aching ribs.”

Thor looked uncomfortable now. “I know father’s decree on your being banished is harsh but-”

“This has nothing to do with Odin.” she said cutting off Thor. She started to pace and only managed a few steps before her ribs started to hurt once more. She stopped in place and crossed her arms again instead. “This has mostly to do with you.”

“Me?” Thor said blinking his eyes in surprise. “What about me?”

“That you no longer consider me your sister.” Loki said. 

“That’s a lie!” Thor all but roared. “You are my sister and I love you!”

“And they called me the Liesmith.” Loki said rolling her eyes. “I was there Thor.” she informed him. “I was there when Coulson interrogated you and I know what you said.”

“Sister, listen.” Thor said in a pleading voice. Before he could say another word however there was a flash of red and gold, the sound of repulsors, and the sound of metal hitting flesh and Thor was thrown down the cliff and onto the ground below. 

“I’m listening.” Loki said, humor lacing her voice. She turned her head to the side where Nanna was still sitting in the dirt with her hands clutching the wounds on her legs that were almost healed. 

“I’ll shoot you again if you try to attack me.” Loki informed her. Mjolnir shook suddenly and flew through the air towards Thor. A part of her hoped that Thor wouldn’t hurt tony. 

And where was Natasha? If the GPS took this long to track her down she was going to have a strict word with their technology department. 

“What. Are you doing here?” Nanna asked lowly. She stood to her feet as the bullet wounds finally healed. 

“I was placed here in my banishment.” Loki said shrugging. “The real questions is what are you doing here and what have you done to Clint?”

Nanna obtained a twisted smirk. “Little princess Loki, always gets what she wants. Little whoring bitch that you are.”

“And here I thought name calling was beneath you.” Loki said. Her bracelet finally warmed slightly and she knew that Natasha at least was near. “Not surprised to see I was wrong.”

“You took everything from me.” Nanna said through clenched teeth. Her fingers twitched slightly and Loki knew she was building up her magic. “You’re Barton told me quite a bit about the new you, Loki Erskine.”

Loki stilled suddenly. “Where is he?” she demanded, shifting her body in an attempt of intimidation. “What have you done to him?”

“He’s told me quite a few things indeed.” Nanna said, ignoring Loki’s question, her smile calm and dangerous. “Especially your little suicidal tendencies.” Her eyes fell to Loki’s wrists that were covered in her jacket. “Especially the pathetic attempts you’ve tried to feel like you belong.”

“Watch your tone.” Loki said lowly, her voice rumbling as adrenaline started its familiar crawl through her veins. 

“Pathetic outcast. Unwanted by even her family.” Nanna said walking around Loki slowly. “Like the abomination that you are.”

“You’ve seem to have forgotten who I am, Nanna.” Loki said coldly. “Allow me to remind you.”

Loki’s knives practically flew into her hands and at the same time Nanna finally threw a blasting spell at her. Loki rolled to the side behind rocks as she had threw the knives, pushing and locking the pain of her ribs into a far corner of her mind. She heard Nannas scream of pain and knew her exploding knife had done the trick. 

It had been a gift from Clint, the knife that separated once thrown through the air and once making contact exploded. 

The rock she had hid behind vibrated once and that was her only warning before strands of the hard earth came forward and wrapped itself around her ankles. 

She had thrown herself to the side at the vibration and only her left ankle had been caught. She tapped her booted feet together twice and the laser blasted through her heel for a second, long enough to sever the rocks hold. 

Immediately she holstered her knives once more and took up her guns. She fired one as a distraction and on the other she pushed a button on the side. Once she was sure of her shot she pulled the trigger. 

A thin pair of ropes flew through the air from the barrel of her gun and wrapped themselves around Nanna. Before she could pull them off the electric charges in them broke causing them to blast her completely with shocks similar to being electrocuted. She gave a high pitch screech as she fell to her knees. 

At that moment a wave sprang through the trees and all around, Loki was blasted back as well as she fell to the ground and choked back her exclamation of pain as her ribs reminded her of their hurt state. The next second she finally saw the helicarrier above her. 

“About time.” she murmured into her bracelet.  
\----------------------------------------------------------  
Thor was apparently coming with them seeing as he came onto the helicarrier with them with Tony flying alongside them outside to make sure that no other stray Asgardians would make any more appearances. He started to move towards her only for Steve to beat him to the race. Steve curled his arm around her waist, loosening it when he saw her wince.

"You alright?" he asked, his hand already sliding along her waist and ribs looking for her injury. 

"Ribs." she said managing a smile. She leaned in closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder as she breathed his scent in. He didn't wear a cologne, he hadn't found one that he had liked just yet, but there was the smell of fresh air, of the forest, his deodorant, and something that reminded her purely of Steve that it helped her to relax. 

With a gentle hand he led her to the side of the helicarrier and had her sit down in one of the side chairs. Natasha was leading a newly handcuffed Nanna back in once more and this time securely strapped her in, connecting the chain of the handcuffs to the bar above her. Thor was flexing his hands together looking as uncertain as she had ever seen him, he caught her eyes and opened his mouth to speak to her. 

Loki turned her head away from him and focused her attention on Steve who was rummaging through the first aid kit. 

One of his lessons had been on the advances on medical treatment, he had almost cried in happiness when he learned that asthma was taken seriously and medications were now available to the common people, not to mention all the vaccinations that had been created over the years. 

"Could have used that one a few times." he had joked when he saw there was a vaccine for polio. 

He pulled out an applicator and a red tube. Fumbling with it for a moment he connected the two and pulled her sleeve back to reveal her arm. 

As always his thumb rubbed over the cuts on her wrist, pressing into the skin with just the hint of pressure, before he cleaned an area on her arm with an alcohol pad. Moving quickly to get it over with he injected the nanobots into her arm, she grunted at the needle and then the hot surge of the nanobots moving through her veins. 

The downside was that she felt every intrusion and irritation, case in point she scratched at her arm for a moment before Steve pulled it away from the injection sight. 

The good side was that her ribs would be healed in hours instead of days. 

Steve placed a bandage on her injection wound and pulled her sleeve back down before taking her hand in his. She smiled at him, trying with all her might to ignore how she could feel Thor’s stare practically burning a hole in the back of her neck. 

Steve, however, had no such desire, and easily stared back at Thor, protective and loyalty radiating from him in clear waves as he took in what he now believed was a hostile.

"Loki." Thor said, seemingly having gathered his courage to try to speak to her once more.

Loki ignored him however that seemed to be what Steve needed to stand up and walk to him. 

"I can understand taking Nanna here." Steve said motioning with his hand to the bound Asgardian. "But you had no right to take Loki with you."

Thor’s face clouded in surprise before it darkened over. "I had believed, Captain, that I had every right."

"What cheek." Loki couldn't help but inject. "You think you had the right? Am I your little play thing that you take and leave as you please?"

Thor turned to her now. "If you would just listen to me for one minute. Please away from everyone."

"She's not going anywhere with you." Steve said at the same time Loki said "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Thor frowned and looked between her and Steve for a moment before he turned his body so that his back faced Steve and his voice lowered as he asked "Have you forgotten about Tyr?"

"Don't you ever speak to me about that thing every again." Loki warned him venom lacing her voice, an old rage that she had all but forgotten about flaring through her once more. "If you value your manhood I suggest you never say that name to me ever again."

Even Natasha looked over her shoulder at Loki in surprise before turning her attention back to the air. 

"I'm missing something, aren't I?" Tony’s voice came out through the speakers after a moment of silence. Natasha turned off the radio in an answer.

"Whatever your deal is." Steve said in a warning tone. "Leave Loki out of it, you have nothing and no right to have anything to do with her."

Thor’s voice deepened and for the first time Loki was afraid for Steve. "Take care how you speak, Loki, despite everything that has happened, is still my sister."

Loki closed her eyes and pressed her lips tight together to stop the groan that was about to come out. 

And yet she could still feel Steve turning to her and she could even imagine his surprised and confused face when he asked "Sister?"  
\----------------------------------------------------------  
"So, you’re a Goddess."

"Yes Steve."

"A Goddess of Mischief, Trickery, and Lies."

"Occasionally of fire too." she offered.

"Fire too."

"Mm hmm."

"And you're Loki of the Norse myths."

"Yep."

Silence rang for a few moments as Loki watched Steve’s face as the pieces came together in his mind.

"...we're you ever going to tell me?"

"Eventually." she affirmed.

"Eventually?"

"Mm hmm."

"You...you couldn't have told me earlier?"

"When, after our third date? 'I had a great time Steve, thank you. By the way, I'm the Norse Goddess Loki of Asgard, former Trickster. Would you like some more wine dear?'." she said in a mocking tone.

"Well...yes! Something like that!"

Silence. 

"What did you think when you saw me and realized I hadn't aged in seventy years?" she finally asked when thinking back she realized that Steve had never really questioned it.

A blush appeared on his cheeks. "At first I was too happy to question it, then I thought that SHIELD came up with a serum from my blood."

Loki felt a smile appear on her face as she leaned in closer to him. They had landed only a few moments ago and she had immediately taken him to the side to explain everything to him. 

Steve blew out a breath and leaned his head against the wall, she waited patiently for him to say something however when he didn't she felt the first tinge of fear inside of her.

"If this is too much." she said softly. "If you can't...deal with this. I understand."

"What do you mean?" he asked confusingly as he turned to face her. 

She gave him a small smile. "I mean, if you don't want this relationship because of this. I won't be mad."

He sat up straighter in his seat and demanded "Where did you get that idea?"

Loki gave a helpless shrug. "It's not something easily accepted. And I didn't tell you before."

"Loki." Steve started to say.

"And after all this is entirely out of everything." she continued, not really realizing what she was saying anymore. "This isn't like the serum or a mutation or anything else and I-"

Her words were cut off as Steve cupped her face gently and pressed his lips to hers chastely. Her eyes fluttered shut at the touch and her lips parted. 

Over the past few months their relationship had been slowly progressing into a more physical and pleasurable one. They slept in the same bed however they hadn't had sex as of yet, the both of them were new to that experience and for the time being wanted to take it slow. 

Steve’s hands, hands she knew could crush bricks and stones, were always so gentle when they were on her. On the helicarrier helping with her ribs or kissing her now. He always held her as if she was something precious and for those moments she enjoyed that for a moment that she wasn't an unbreakable killing agent but rather a woman in the arms of her lover. Steve was always gentle as his hands ran down her shoulders and her arms. A hand ran across her ribs almost searchingly, pressing harder when he realized that the nanobots had done their job and she was healed. 

Steve pulled away from her, the both of them just a bit breathless. Loki’s eyes were still closed and she lamented the loss of his lips against hers. 

"I don't care." Steve said firmly pressing his forehead to hers. Loki opened her eyes and stared into his blue ones. He grinned at her. "It doesn't matter to me what you were. What matters is that you're here now, with me."

Loki smiled and breathed his scent in. "I'm here, as long as you'll have me, I'm here."

They stayed like that for a few more moments before breaking away and walking inside, as they walked side by side their hands found one another and entwined together.

As they walked in hand in hand to the front end of the helicarrier her eyes immediately fell onto her first look at a grown Tony Stark who had been conversing with his hands flying with Coulson who simply looked amused. Upon seeing her Tony clapped one hand on Coulson’s shoulder and joined them. 

"Now I have been listening in on the radio but I don't think we've been formally introduced." he said holding his hand out to her, his eyes sparkling and shining in interest. "Tony Stark, call me Tony."

Loki had to laugh as for a moment she was transported back in time to her first meeting with Howard, the same joyful and childish look in their face and eyes. She held out of her free hand and shook his firmly. "Loki Erskine."

His eyes widened before they shined once more with glee. "You're Loki?" he asked exclaiming with his free hand as he pointed to her. "The Loki?"

"I'm not sure about 'The Loki' but I doubt that there are more than one seeing as it's not that common of a name." Loki joked. 

"Holy shit, you are the Loki." Tony said leaning back on his heels. "You're the one that my dad never shut up about. Although," he said looking her up and down and adopted a slightly lecherous look. "Seeing you in person, I really can't blame him."

Steve cleared his throat at that, his hand tightening in hers. She gripped him back as tight in reassurance. 

Tony laughed and clapped Steve on the shoulder as he had done with Coulson. "No need to get your panties in a twist, Star Spangled Man with a plan. I'm a one girl man and I already got my girl." He looked at her again and raised his eyebrows. "Although I'm sure if I mention it Pepper might not be one hundred percent against a threesome."

Loki shook with the mirth as she struggled to contain her laughter. "I'll keep that in mind." she managed to say before pressing her palm against her mouth to stifle her giggles.

Steve tried to glance at her in disapproval but she could see that he was also holding back a few laughs of his own. 

A beep in her ear sounded at that moment and Natasha voice rang out clearly. "Loki, you're needed on deck. Bring the tin man and patriotism with you."

Managing to keep a straight face, never let it be said that SHIELD didn't teach how to properly hide everything she needed to, she said "We're needed on the deck boys, follow me?"

Thankfully they ignored how she pressed her fist to her mouth and bit her knuckles lightly in order to muffle her laughter.   
\----------------------------------------------------------  
"The Chitauri!" Loki repeated her voice screeching and causing the people near her to cover their ears. 

Thor nodded gravely. "I'm afraid so."

Loki gave a low moan as she covered her face. "How the hell did she manage to even contact the Chiauri?"

"We are not sure." Thor said slowly. "She had thrown herself off of the rainbow bridge after a failed attempt to rule Asgard in my absence. I had been banished for a few days-"

"I know." Loki interrupted him to his surprise. "Tell us about Nanna and the Chitauri."

"The Chitauri are not of Asgard or any world known." Thor slowly said staring at Loki carefully. "Nanna means to lead them against your people, the people of earth." he corrected himself glancing at Loki once more. 

"I'm of earth too." Loki said crossing her arms. "Continue."

"They will win her the earth, in return, I suspect, for the tesseract." Thor finished. 

Loki quickly shot a glare at Fury who returned it easily, he knew that she had dealt with the tesseract with Steve back in the 1940s and he had never said a single word about it. 

"So he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for." Bruce said coming into the conversation. 

"Selvig?" Thor asked.

"He's an astrophysicist." Bruce clarified.

"He's a friend." Thor corrected gruffly. 

Loki hid her snort as a cough into her hand. 

"Nanna has him under some kind of spell." Natasha said. Her shoulders dropped down slightly and Loki moved to her side to put her arm around the other room. "Along with one of ours." Natasha threw her a quick look of thanks. Loki nodded and removed her arm but didn't go away from her side. 

"I want to know why Nanna let us take her." Steve said sitting at the table, his hands folded on top of it. "She's not leading an army from here."

"I want to know why earth." Loki injected. "Asgard, all of the other realms. They have never had an interest in earth before, unless you count Jotunheim all those thousands of years ago."

"Iridium, what do they need the iridium for?" Bruce asked them. 

"It's a stabilizing agent." Tony injected. He had been playing with his phone the entire time and finally found a reason to speak. "Means the portal won't collapse on itself; like it did at SHIELD." He slid his phone back into his pocket and stood as he walked around the table. "Also, it means the portal can open as wide, and stay open as long, as Nanna wants."

Tony reached the elevated floors where computer screens were placed in a circle around it. "Uh, raise the mid-mast, ship the top sails." he instructed before he almost gleefully pointed out "That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice, but we did." He then turned his attention back to the computers, paused, and covered one of his eyes. "How does Fury even see these?"

"He turns." Maria said humoring him. Loki caught Steve’s eye and they both bit their lips to hide their laughs. 

"Sounds exhausting." Tony declared before continuing. "The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. Only major component he still needs is a power source. A high energy density, something to kick start the cube."

"When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?" Maria asked sounding reluctantly impressed. 

"Last night." Tony said simply putting his hands in his pockets. "The packet, Selvig's notes, the Extraction Theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?"

"Does Nanna need any particular kind of power source?" Steve asked.

"She has to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier." Bruce said. 

"Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect." Tony said his eyes beginning to sparkle and a bounce in his step appeared as he moved closer to Bruce. 

"Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet." Loki injected. At Tony’s and Bruce’s surprised look she shrugged and said "I've been teaching and learning science for the past sixty odd years, there is a reason that Howard wanted me to join him after all."

"Finally. People that speak English." Tony said. He grabbed her arm and dragged her to where Bruce was standing to whom he extended his hand. 

"Dr. Banner, it is a pleasure to meet you. You're work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled." Tony said before he barreled on. "And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."

"...thanks." Bruce said looking down at the ground almost shyly. 

Loki used that moment to step not so lightly on Tony’s foot, to which he whined and jumped on one foot, and slung her arm around Bruce’s shoulder. 

"I promised to do science with you Dr. Banner." Loki reminded him. "Let's do science."

"Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube." Fury injected. "I was hoping that the two of you might join him."

"Let's start with that stick of hers." Steve said. "It may be magical but it works an awful lot like a HYDRA weapon."

"I don't know about that but it is powered by the cube." Fury continued. "And I'd like to know how Nanna used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into her personal flying monkeys."

"Monkeys?" Thor repeated frowning in confusion. "I do not understand."

"It's a movie." Loki and Steve said at the same time. 

"Well then." Tony said clapping his hands together and turning to Loki and Bruce. "Shall we play, Doctor and..." he trailed off not sure on how to address her. 

"Doctor, if you want." Loki said with a shrug. She threw Steve one more smile, a reassuring smile at Natasha who barely managed to return it, and ignored Thor completely as they walked out. "I did get a doctorate in physics."

Tony grinned. "Oh you are so my new best friends, the both of you. By the way," he added catching Loki’s attention as they walked through the hallway. He grinned and she was immediately taken back to a café over twenty years ago with Howard Stark. “I have to ask. Is the part with the horse true?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Avengers or MCU.


	14. Chapter 14

The next few hours passed in a pleasant blur. The three of them, herself, Tony, and Bruce, worked together in the lab telling each other jokes and comparing information. 

"The energy source to power the tesseract would have to reach a point one six degree." Loki said tapping the screen. "There aren't that many places on Earth that could not only generate but also be able to sustain it."

"The signal of the tesseract is also high enough that it should be able to be traced by any satellite. The fact that we can't means that they have some high tech material hiding it." Bruce pointed out. 

Surprisingly Tony didn’t say anything, he didn’t take his attention away from his tablet.

"Tony stop hacking into SHIELDs files and come help us." Loki said not looking at him.

He didn’t even bother denying or hiding his grin as he put the tablet on the table to the side. "I can’t help it." he said walking back to them. "I'm a need to know guy, I need to know everything there is."

"I would think that as a SHIELD agent you would protest against this." Bruce said looking over his glasses at her. 

Loki looked up at Tony over her screen and debated for a moment to say that it was Howard that had asked her to join SHIELD on his request in order to find a way to protect his son. 

"If you can hack into the system you deserve to get their information." she said instead. Turning her attention back to the screen she enlarged a picture of the tesseract and took Selvigs notes on the thing and applied it to the hologram. As she waited for the image to properly upload she stared at Tony from the corner of her eye. 

He was a lot like Howard, she thought to herself. But while Howard had always been certain of what he was doing and would at times calculate his next move almost as if he was playing chess she knew how to play against him after countless nights of them playing together. Tony, on the other hand, from her readings on him she knew that he was more impulsive. Less willing to sit around and think when he could do something about it instead. 'Action first, talk later' seemed to be his motto.

Tony seemed to know that she was looking at him and threw his head back slightly as his fingers flew quickly over the screen. 

"You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep peacocking like that." she said dryly. 

A muffled snicker from Bruce had a corner of her mouth twitching upwards as well as a scoff from Tony.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." the inventor sniffed. "And I am insulted of what you say. Good day Madame." With that he turned and left the lab only to almost immediately come back with a grin.

"I think tall, caped, and blond is looking for you." he said slipping back into his seat.

Loki gave a snort as she sent Bruce her calculations, he immediately started to connect them to his. "Let him look."

There was a pregnant pause where Loki could practically feel the questions gathering. When she saw Tony start to turn towards her and open his mouth her hand went to the table which held the three of theirs snacks and grabbed one bag. She quickly pulled one of whatever was in the bag and threw it at Tony’s open mouth, cheering to herself when it landed directly in his mouth and cherishing his look of surprise as he closed his mouth and chewed. 

"Here." Loki said throwing the bag at him which he easily caught. "Have a blueberry."

\-------------------------------

Giving a groan as she rubbed her neck and rolled her shoulders she gratefully breathed the fresh air deeply. After what seemed to be countless hours in the lab stepping on the outside balcony was the best idea she's had today. She brought one leg on top of the rail to stretch it and then did the same to the other. she cracked her neck from side to side and placing two hands on her lower back she bent backwards to crack her spine. 

Straightening herself with a sigh she leaned against the wall and watched the clouds pass as they almost leisurely made their way forward. 

The worry that she had pushed aside to work in the lab came back to the forefront of her mind. Most of all she was scared for Clint. She still remembered the first time they met, the memory still brought a smile to her face. 

"Hi, I'm Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton. Call me Clint, Barton, Hawkeye, and occasionally I answer to 'Hey Asshole.'" he had said shaking her hand. "Here’s some advice. Don’t eat the meatloaf on Monday. Nurse Lakes is tranquilizer happy, and the best closet to make out is on the third floor next to Room 312."

She blinked and used her thumb to wipe away the tears that had suddenly started to fall. Nanna had known just how important Clint was to her and if she knew that combined with the power of the tesseract, she was more than a little afraid for her bird. 

Suddenly she realized she was no longer alone.

"And how long have you been standing there?" Loki asked not looking behind her. 

"Not long." Thor said stepping towards her but still stopping a few feet away. She looked at him over her shoulder, smirking internally at the image he made as he wringed his hands together. She hadn’t seen him look so unsure of the situation in ages.

She turned her head to look back at the sky instead of Thor.

"Loki." he started.

"I don’t want to talk to you Thor." Loki said pushing away from the railing and going back towards the door. 

Thor grabbed her arm as she went passed him. "I thought you were dead."

She stopped and slowly turned to face him wordlessly. 

"At first Father had forbidden me from looking for you, he had even used magic to bind me to the castle." Thor said quickly, encouraged by the fact that she was still standing there. "I was only able to sneak out days later and I managed to get away to Heimdall." His voice fell and wavered slightly. "He searched all over the Nine Realms for you and wasn’t able to find you, no matter how hard he looked." His hand let go of her arm and went to cup her cheek. "I thought you were dead." he whispered. 

"Did you mourn?" were the first words that managed to come out.

"We all did." Thor insisted grabbed at her with both hands. Never before had she realized the size differences between the two of them, he was practically engulfing her. "Mother still cries and your room has been untouched."

"What of my burial?" she asked. "If you believed me to be dead, did you have a burial without a body?"

Thor hesitated for a moment and that was all the answer she needed. While he and mother had mourned, they had done so in private. In public they continued on as if nothing had changed or happened. As if she had never existed in the first place.

"You need to understand." Thor persisted, trying to grasp her as she slipped out of his hands. "You were in banishment, we couldn’t properly-"

"And I am still in banishment." Loki interrupted. She pulled away from Thor. "And therefore it is severely inappropriate that you are here speaking to me, Prince Thor of Asgard." She gave a rigid and mocking curtsey. "Let me get out of your sight, oh honor filled one."

She was sure that Tony and Bruce had been listening no her conversation because when she returned to the lab and picked up an empty beaker and threw it against the wall neither of them asked any questions.

\-------------------------------

The sound of the door sliding open had Loki twitching however she didn’t stop her scan on the scepter. 

A cup of coffee was placed in her sight along with a familiar hand making her look up at the offerer. 

"I thought you could use a small break." Steve said. Looking behind him she saw Tony and Bruce with their own cups and were focused on their drinks in an attempt to give the two of them a semblance of privacy.

Ignoring the coffee offering she all but threw herself into Steve’s chest who automatically curled his arms around her after placing the coffee to the side. 

"So, does the entire ship know?" she asked a few moments later.

His arms tightened around her. "No, just a few." he answered twirling his fingers through her strand ends of her hair. 

She sighed through her nose and pressed herself closer to him. He rocked the both of them back and forth slightly. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her quietly, looking down at her. 

Loki shook her head. "It won’t change anything."

"You'll get it off your chest." he pointed out. "And that might make you feel better."

She considered that for a moment and finally shook her head, pressing herself to Steve’s chest once more. "I always thought that Thor was my brother." she said her voice slightly muffled. "And I had always believed that no matter what happened or what either of us did that we would be able to count at least on each other. Thor has often done...horrible things in search for amusement and although in private I would always lecture him in the hopes of getting through his thick skull in public I would always support him fully and remain by his side." She gave a small sniffle and hoped that she wouldn’t stain his uniform. "No matter what he did or who he hurt, on purpose or by accident, I was always ready to support him."

Steve’s hand was stroking her hair. "Loki." he said slowly. "What did you do? What was so bad that all of this has happened?"

Resignation and just a small amount of fear coursed through her as she opened her mouth to finally tell him, to tell someone after nearly seventy years of not telling a single soul.

Only for the two of them to jump when the computer gave two shrill beeps, Tony went to the screen and peered at it.

"We've broken through the tesseracts blocks and we're searching for it now." he said triumphantly. "We'll get a lock on it in a few minutes."

Nodding, the moment broken, Loki turned back to Steve and gave him a small sad smile. Smiling back in understanding he bent down and kissed her forehead. "Later then." he said. He stroked her hair one more time and left the lab, presumably gone to let Fury know.

Biting her lip she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked towards her coworkers. Bruce was staring at the computer screen intensely while Tony was staring at her.

"I can keep a secret too, you know." he said twirling a pen in his hands. "Totally keep it, not a single person will know it. Except Jarvis. And Pepper. And Rhoedy the next time I see him. But besides them your secret is safe with me."

Rolling her eyes Loki went back to her computer, snagging the coffee Steve had left her as she went. "Go back to hacking Tony."

He gave her a cheerful mock salute and took his tablet back in hand, tapping away on it while whistling.

Giving a fond sigh she sat next to Bruce who gave her a small comforting smile, he held his own cup towards her slightly. She brought her own cup forward and lightly knocked it against each other. Sipping her coffee she turned and watched the percentage on the computer screen rise.

Suddenly the lab doors opened to admit a stressed looking Fury followed by a worried looking Steve. 

"What are you doing, Mr. Stark?" Fury demanded.

Tony didn’t even blink. "Uh, kind of been wondering the same thing about you." Loki turned her head to look at him curiously. "Looking for the cube as directed, Director."

"The models locked and we're sweeping for the signature now." Bruce said now. He motioned with his head towards the computer. "When we get the hit, we'll have a signature within half a mile."

"Yeah, you'll get your cube back, no mess, no fuss." Tony concluded. His face and tone suddenly became accusatory. "What is Phase 2?" Unseen by other observers Loki saw Tony’s fingers now fly across his table under the table.

"That is none of your concern." Fury said waving the question away. His eye fell on her. "Agent Erskine, the fact that he is attempting to hack into our systems right under your nose does not-"

"I'm sorry Nick." Tony interrupted. He turned the screen towards them. Loki stood up in shock as she saw weaponry being assembled with the tesseract in the middle. "What were you saying?"

Loki walked up to the screen and read the files on the side of it. Turning slowly to Fury she said "Nick. What is going on?"

He hesitated for a single moment and she knew the answer. Horrified she took a step away from him as Steve came forward to read the notes himself. "Nick." she whispered. "How long have you known about this?"

At that moment however Natasha and, much to her displeasure, Thor followed her closely. Natasha didn’t even pay any attention to her as she placed her gaze firmly on Bruce. Bruce in turn looked back at her and pointed at it. "Do you know about this?" he asked her. 

"You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?" Natasha asked in return, her voice frosting over slightly. Loki tried to meet her eyes however the redhead refused to look at her. 

"I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed." Bruce said, humor not touching his eyes. 

"Nanna has been trying to manipulate you from the beginning." Natasha continued. 

"And you've been doing what exactly?" Bruce snipped back.

"You didn’t come here because I bat my eyelashes at you." she snapped at him. 

"Yes, and I'm not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy." he snapped back at her. Loki moved forward to put a hand on his shoulder which he rolled off and stepped to the computer screen. Pointing at it he looked accusatorily at Fury. "I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction."

Fury looked resigned and with a sigh he lifted his hand. "Because of him." he said pointing at Thor. 

Thor couldn't have looked more surprised than if Lady Sif had started to dance naked in front of him. "Me?" he repeated.

"Last year earth had a visitor from another planet, who had a grudge mass that levelled a small town." Fury started to explain. Loki followed his movements and words carefully with narrowed and suddenly suspicious eyes. "We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, out gunned."

"My people want nothing but peace with your planet." Thor protested. He ignored when Loki gave a snort. 

"But you're not the only people out there, are you?" Fury countered. He waved towards her. "Thanks to Agent Erskine we have gotten reports on practically everyone and everywhere of your so called Nine Realms. You are not the only threat. The world is filling up with people who can’t be matched, they can’t be controlled."

"Like how you controlled the cube?" Loki said, finally snapping slightly. A part of her cherished the surprised look on Fury’s face. "You working on the tesseract is what drew the Chitauri here, Nick. It was a signal, a beam for them."

"It is the signal to all the realms that the earth is ready for a higher form of war." Thor immediately injected. 

"A higher form?" Fury repeated, seemingly not sure whether to glare at her or at Thor. "You forced our hand, we had to come up with something."

"A nuclear deterrent." Tony suddenly said, his voice cold. "Cause that always calms everything right down."

"Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?" Fury asked dryly. 

"I thought humans were more evolved than this." Thor said in obvious growing disgust. She fought the urge to throw something at him. 

"Did the people of earth come to Asgard and be the ones to destroy and hurt the innocent?" she snapped at him. 

"Alright, I think everyone needs to just calm down." Steve said coming to the middle of everyone with his hands raised. "And we need to think things through."

"You speak of control, yet you court chaos." Thor spat out. 

That much gave Loki pause. There really was something wrong with this picture. The air was too heavy, too difficult to suddenly breathe. Her eyes went unbidden to the scepter. 

"It's his M.O. isn’t it?" Bruce asked motioning to Fury. "I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're..." he seemingly struggled for a moment to find the right words. "We're a time bomb."

"You need to step away." Natasha said warningly. 

"Why shouldn’t the guy let off a little steam?" Tony asked. 

"Because you know why, back off!" Steve said finally snapping on his own. The two of them stared at one another for a long moment before Tony said softly "I'm beginning to want you to make me."

Loki closed her eyes and tried to focus, tried to remember back almost seventy years’ worth of memories as she tried to focus on what she was feeling at the moment. 

The shouts and yells faded into the background as she thought. She thought back. Back to Asgard and its library of magic. Back to her Master and his teachings. 

For the first time in almost seventy years Loki can feel the hum of magic clear in the air as anything. The part of her that had used to be able to call a green flame to her fingertips no longer itched or reacted to the magic of the scepter. But, however, a smaller part of her still managed to stir underneath her skin. A part that she had tried to ignore for ages.

She could feel the caressing of the scepter, almost like thin fingers or veins were stroking over her mind, encouraging her in a sweet voice that she found herself almost unable to ignore to turn herself towards the scepter and obey. To succumb and to submit.

Her hand reached out and her fingers brushed along the metal of the scepter as unknown to her a blue film started to coat her eyes. 

A shot practically threw itself from her hand, the same hand that was touching the scepter. A red and blue light that illuminated her veins for a moment went through her and coated the entire scepter in a thin layer of ice. She quickly pulled back and yanked her sleeve down her arm where her skin had turned blue but quickly warmed under the fabric of her shirt. 

Clarity coursed through her at that moment and she grabbed the ice covered scepter, the ice acting as a guardian against its influence for the moment, and with a shout she aimed it downward, the blue glowing stone aimed at the ground. She could bent it or destroy the stone but she could create a small enough moment of clearness to help stop its influence for the time being. 

The bang that she created filled the room and quieted everyone who were looking confused and slightly worried, Steve went to her immediately. 

"Loki. Breathe, please." he said reaching out for her. She hadn't even realized that she had been breathing heavily and almost painfully until Steve had spoken and took in shaking breaths. 

She threw the scepter to the side and placed herself around Steve. "It was making us fight." she mumbled. 

"...Loki." Thor started to say, still staring at the ice covered scepter. "Did...did you-"

He was interrupted by the computer once more. Bruce was the one, with a slight green tinge on his face, who went to the computer and peered at it.

"Is the tesseract located?" Fury demanded. 

"I can get there faster." Tony said immediately.

"The teseract belongs on Asgard." Thor protested just as fast. "No human is a match for it."

"You are not going alone!" Steve said pointing at Tony. "We need to come up with a plan."

"Well I'm not going to just sit around here and-" Tony started to say only to be cut off this time by Bruce.

"Oh my God." Bruce said in horror. As one everyone looked at him and he looked up with fear in his eyes. "It’s at-"

Everything seemed to freeze for a single second before suddenly an explosion at that moment shook what seemed to be the entire helicarrier. Loki gave a yelp as she was thrown to the side, Steve barely had time to grab her by the wrist to stop her from going down into the newly created hole. He dragged her back against him as he gripped onto the railing on the wall. 

Clutching onto him tightly she immediately looked around. Tony was on the ground next to him, safe. Fury was a few feet away cursing up a storm, also safe. Thor looked confused and almost insulted, irritating but also safe. Natasha, was nowhere in sight Loki realized with a sinking heart. Neither was Bruce. 

"Hill!" Fury shouted into his ear piece as he struggled to right himself on the ground. 

"It’s a detonation, number three engines is down!" Loki could hear Maria say in her own ear piece. Cursing as well she helped Steve stand up and then helped Tony. 

"Put on the suit!" Steve shouted at Tony who, for once, didn't retort anything and instead nodded and ran off to get to his suit. 

With a sinking feeling Loki suddenly realized that with power going into everything to help fix the engines and keep the helicarrier in the sky there would be no one guarding Nanna and therefore no one keeping her in the cage. She ran off in the direction of the containment chamber, Fury’s and Marias voice in her ear as they continued to relay the situation. 

"Someone gonna get outside and patch the engine!"

She jumped over what used to be stairs, one hand on the railing and the other going to her gun. 

"Hulk and Thor are in the research level!"

"Get his attention."

Skidding past workers and slipping through an opening on her side, she could hear the Hulks roars from where she was and she gave a moment to pray for the safety of whoever was in front of them. 

"Sir we lost all engine one!"

"It’s Barton. He took out our system." Fury’s voice was almost emotionless but she could still detect something in his voice. 

Clint. Her heart gave a pang and she prayed that he would be alright. 

She was almost at the containment chamber. 

"He's headed for the detention lab." Fury said, his voice thin and strained. "Does anybody copy?"

Suddenly Natasha’s cool and collected voice filled her ear. 

"This is Agent Romanoff. I copy."

For the first time Loki put her hand up on her ear piece. "Nat, be careful." was all she said. She knew that Natasha wouldn't say anything back for the moment. 

Turning the corner her eyes widened as she saw Nanna and a newly appeared Thor. Looks as if Fury had managed to get the Hulks attention after all. Nanna was out of her cage, just barely stepping out of it. 

If she could just get her back in the cage and then to the control panel, she could drop the cage to the ground. 

Trying to stay in the shadows she moved around slowly, pulling out her Taser from her side. Neither of them seemed to notice her as they spoke. 

"Nanna, this is madness." Thor said, his hand flexing uncertainly on Mjolnir. "Please come to your senses."

"I am in my senses." she snarled at him. "More so than I have been in ages."

There was something wrong, the voice was not in the right position or sounding. Something about this seemed both familiar yet wrong. 

Realization caused her eyes to widen and her mouth to open to warn Thor properly before a flash of blue light hit her and threw her into Thor. She bit back a whimper as she had practically been thrown at a mountain. He shouted in surprise and with another blue flash they had been pushed into the cage itself. The door closing behind them. 

The Nanna at the front door of the cage shuddered and then disappeared as the real Nanna stepped out from the shadows with the scepter in hand, and a victorious look in her eyes. The magic of creating an alter image, down to every last detail, was a move that Loki herself had created and it needed a great deal of magic to be able to sustain it properly. She couldn’t help but feel just a bit violated that Nanna had used her own creations against her to such a degree that even she had been fooled for a few moments. 

It felt almost...wrong for her own work to be used in such a way. For the first time in years she wished to could call upon her own magic and to show Nanna what properly used and strengthened magic that had been perfected over the centuries could truly do, not the secondhand magic from an artifact that called war to it.

"I tricked the Trickster!" she said gleefully, her voice shrill and high. "I cannot believe you even fell for your own tricks!"

Loki gave a groan as she stood up on her shaking legs. Send her to Siberia all they wanted, she did not want to be thrown at Thor again. "There is no way you had that kind of a magic, where did you learn that? It was mine to invent."

Nanna smirked, still gleeful in her victory, as she twirled the scepter in her hand. "The tesseract." she said her voice silky smooth. "Has more power than anyone in the universe. Just holding a piece of it gives me more strength and more magic than you could have ever even imagined, you disgraced thing."

"You're an idiot if you think you can even hope to control that." Loki said softly. Next to her Thor had tried to smash the glass with his hammer, something she ignored when it only caused a crack.

Nanna laughed softly. "The humans think us immortal." she said moving to the control panel and relishing the way Loki’s eyes widened. "Shall we test that?" Her finger was hanging over the button and twirling around it. 

"Move away please." a familiar voice said calmly. Her neck almost cracked as she looked at Phil who was moving into the chamber holding a very large and very intimidating weapon. 

"Do you like this?" he asked, motioning with his head towards the weapon. "We started working on the prototype after someone sent the Destroyer. Was that you?"

There was no answer from Nanna who had her eyes firmly on the weapon in Coulson’s hands. 

"Even I don’t know what it does." Coulson said still in that calm voice of his. "Do you wanna find out?"

At that moment two things happened at the same time. The first was that Nanna pushed the button on the panel and Loki felt the winds start to pick up. The second was that she was barely able to see Nanna surrounded in a blue light before she reappeared behind Phil and stabbed him through the chest with the scepter. 

"PHIL!" she screamed as she threw herself at glass wall. Next to her Thor screamed "NO!" as well and tried once more to break through the walls. 

The ground holding them up at that moment however opened and the cage was dropped. She screamed as they fell and Phil left her vision. She banged against the glass as the rapidly approaching ground started to reach them. 

Together, she and Thor fell to the earth in their glass cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Avengers or anything MCU related.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Avengers.
> 
> I’m sorry but I’m skipping the actual battle, absolutely nothing would have changed and I wanted to get to the plot of the story ahead. Not to mention that I didn’t want to just copy directly from the movie. After the battle, and maybe even the first part of this chapter, this story has stopped borrowing from the movie and is going on its own.

She wasn't even sure if she was still screaming or not, everything seemed to fade into white noise in the background. 

As the container flipped through the air she was thrown against the glass over and over again. She felt herself being beaten and bruised as she tried to get to her gun, her laser, anything. 

She was going to die in a glass chamber falling to the earth with Thor. 

Thor suddenly grabbed her arm and wrapped himself around her to protect her for a moment before he threw the both of them forward, Mjolnir pointing the way. She pressed her head closer to his chest as the glass wall shattered and they came flying out. In midair Thor flipped the both of them so he landed on the ground and she was on top of him. Then not even a moment later he turned them again and covered her body with his. She curled underneath him as she felt the earth shake as the glass chamber fell to the ground and exploded, throwing glass and metal every which way. 

She was breathing heavily by the time she believed it was safe to come out without the fear of being impaled by something. Uncurling her body slowly she brought her head up and peered over Thors shoulders.

They were in a field somewhere, a part of her was happy that the helicarrier hadn't been over water at the moment of the attack, and pieces of the container was all around them. The grass was long, soft, and welcoming to her and all she wanted to do was curl up in it and go to sleep until everything was better. 

But first and foremost she was a soldier and she needed to know how her comrades were. Worry for Natasha, Clint, and especially Steve and Tony were running through her almost as fast as the adrenaline was. She brought her hand up to ear as she climbed out from under Thors arms.

"This is Agent Erskine, Serpent, can anyone read me?" she said into the piece.

Static was her only answer. 

"This is Agent Erskine, reporting in, can anyone copy?" Loki tried again on a different frequency.

Static.

Her hand fell away from her ear almost helplessly as she looked around the field. They had fallen approximately south, southwest. She needed to get back to civilization and back to her friends. Cursing the fact that she had left her cell phone on the table in the lab she started to walk what she hoped was northeast.

The unfortunately familiar sound of Mjolnir going into Thors hand whirled behind her. "Where are you going?" he demanded going to her side. 

"Away from you and towards civilization." Loki answered without looking at him and walking determinedly onward.

"I just saved your life." he pointed out. 

"And I thank you from the deepest ridges of my frozen heart." she replied sarcastically. 

"Loki we need to talk and we need to do so now." Thor said. "Enough play acting."

"Play acting?" Loki repeated turning to face him. "How dare you say that to me you insolent, intolerable morn-aah!" Suddenly and surprisingly Thor grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her onto his shoulders. She immediately started to hit and kick whatever bit of him she could reach he started to walk. "Let go of me! You absolute animal! Let go of me!"

For the second time that day, that hour, Loki found herself airborne. Landing with a huff she found herself in the midst taller grass. 

"Now we are going to talk." Thor said crossing his arms, Mjolnir on the ground beside him. 

Loki glared back at him and spotting a rock on the ground she picked it up and threw it at him which he easily blocked and hit to the side. 

"You arrogant!" she found another rock. "Self-centered!" a handful of grass. "Single minded!" some dirt she managed to grab. She stood and tried to get something else to throw at him only to get caught in her feet and weeds and fall to her knees.

Her anger still raged through her however a dam broke and she was suddenly sobbing crouched on the ground as tears fell down her face. 

"Don't touch me!" she shouted when Thor placed his hand on her shoulder. She wretched her shoulder away from him and turned to glare at him. "Don't touch me!"

She stood up and glared as hard as she was able to at him while her hands curled into fists at her sides. 

"You left me!" Loki practically screamed at him. She grabbed another rock and threw it at him. Thor batted it to the side but otherwise made no other move towards her. "You! And all of Asgard! But especially you!"

She brought her hands up to her face and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes in an attempt to stop crying. 

"I knew Asgard hated me and wished nothing but ill will to me." she said in a whisper, she couldn't bring her voice above a whisper otherwise it would crack. She knew from experience. "But of all people, of everyone in every universe, you were the last person I expected to hurt me in such a way."

Thor didn't say a word, he simply stood there and watched her. 

"Well?" she demanded as she took her hands off of her eyes. "Don't just stand there, say something!"

Silence. 

Anger and hurt raged through her and anger won as she closed the distance between them and smacked Thor on the face. His head had turned to the side because of the smack and her hand throbbed in slight pain because of it. 

Moving to step away Thor suddenly grabbed her hand and kept her in place. 

"The day I went to Heimdall I begged him to look for you." he started in a low voice. "He was hesitant at first but I begged and pleaded, if only to know that you were alright and well. That was the least that I wished to know."

Loki tried to pull herself out of his grip while another part was listening to him. 

"It took him seconds to realize that he could not see you. I was in shock, I was in horror, I was in denial." he continued, his low voice almost hypnotizing. "Once I came to my senses I rushed to the Allfather with the news. He was...indifferent to say the least. When I made it clear that I was going to come to Midgard to at the least retrieve your body I was then bound to my quarters once more. Your quarters and mine were always right next to each other and as such I was able to hear how every night mother would enter your room and cry."

Slowly she stopped trying to tug free and had listened to Thor with her eyes closed. Thor rubbed his thumb along her hand comfortingly. 

"I know you do not have any magic." he said in a low voice. "But I might have enough of it. Do you still remember the runes for magical cancellation?"

Loki looked up at him in surprise. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Thor gave her a small and sad smile. "Do you?"

"Of course I do." Loki said taking a step back as Thor finally allowed her to step out of his grasp. She patted her suit down. "I just don't have anything to write with it."

Thor waved his hand. "It doesn't matter; blood, dirt, mud. As long as we can make it work."

There was an invasion primed to happen at practically any moment, they were both miles away from god knows where, and she was mostly unarmed and Thor wanted to waste time on this. 

Heaving a great sigh, memories upon memories filled her at that moment of when she would always break down and let him do as he wished, Loki considered the Asgardian before her for a long moment before she sighed again and looked around. Small amounts of berries lay innocently in the bush and she went to them. She picked enough to fill her hand and spotted a rock with a big enough indent in it to work as a makeshift bowl. Jogging to the small stream to the side she picked up a smaller rock and started to mash the berries in the dent, pausing every so often to add a few drops of water to the mixture. Once she had a thick enough paste she walked back to Thor who was looking surprisingly eager. 

"You're going to have to be the one saying the words." she told him as she kneeled beside him. "Try not to strain yourself." 

Gathering the paste on her she took a deep breath and started to trace the runes. "Lauss." she chanted, tracing the rune after the word and after Thor repeated it. "Halda. Lauss. Slita. Hata. Lauss."

Thor dutifully repeated after her and once they were done and he spoke the last word a strange light appeared at his hairline. 

The moment the light stopped Thor reached up to his hair and to her amazement pulled it off. 

A blonde mess of hair lay in Thors lap and she slowly reached out to take it. She turned the object in her hands, ignoring how she was staining it with the berries paste still on her fingers, and realization came to her. 

It was a wig. Furnished to look exactly like Thors hair down to the last strand. She slowly looked up at Thor. 

Her eyes widened when she saw his hair. It hadn't been cut off, it had been shaved off with what looked like a rusty blade. Almost unbidden her hand went up to his head and she traced the small cuts that were still visible under the small tufts of hair that was growing. Other scars were visible as well, almost faded against Thors scalp speaking about their age and how long ago they had been first been cut into his head. 

"I couldn't mourn you properly." he whispered. "The Allfather refused to allow me to get your body, he refused to allow a proper burial and I knew that if I touched your belongings to burn them instead you would haunt me from beyond the dead." He smiled lightly and reached out to gently touch her face. "But there was one way I could mourn you, mourn you as a brother who had lost a sister should."

"You cut your hair." she whispered lowly, unable to take her eyes off of the mess that was Thors head. True his hair was starting to grow in once more but she could still make out the cuts that had been pierced into Thors skin that was the most recent and those that were older as well. 

He nodded slowly, a small and sad smile on his face as his other hand went to the small bundle of hair he had. "At first I had used scissors to do so. The Allfather was angered by it, he said quite a few choice words in your favor and how I shouldn't mourn. He regrew my hair and the moment I could I took my knives and did it again." His hands fell away from her face and his own head. "Once he realized again he took all the knives I had in my possession, as if I was a child once more, and I had to resort to sharp rocks, despite how painful and scarring it was." His hand rose for a moment to trace one of the scars before falling back again. "Finally he simply commissioned a wig for me and placed a spell on it so that I could not remove it."

Loki felt as if she was going to cry once more so she turned her attention to the wig in her lap. Her fingers stroked through the silky strands, made as if it was real hair to a point that even she couldn't tell the difference, as she slowly recognized the work. 

"This is the work of the dwarves." she said quietly as she started to fix it by placing the strands in place. "The same way they made for Sif, how much did the Allfather have to pay for this piece of work?"

"I do not know and I do not care." he said with a shrug. "I didn't ask for it and I would not be wearing it voluntarily."

Loki slowly slowed closed her eyes and allowing the wig to fall to the ground she covered her face with her hands as she fought the urge to not start crying again. 

"You cut your hair." she repeated, her voice starting to break as despite her best efforts she started to cry.

"Yes." Thor said simply. "I did."

Gasping in a deep breath she looked around the field for a moment to try to regain her strength and emotional control over herself again. She pressed her hand to her mouth and pushed a bit to try to get some sort of semblance of control. She could practically count on both of her hands how many times she had lost control of her emotions and she would still have fingers left over. This was nothing more than that, a test. Another test in making sure she could control herself. 

She was failing the test. 

Years upon years of missing Thor, something that her hatred wasn't able to completely wash away rose up inside of her and she collapsed onto his lap. He immediately placed his arms around her and drew her close. She could feel his shoulders shaking and when she looked up at him she saw that he was crying as well. 

"I thought you were dead." he said in a low pain filled voice as he pressed the two of them closer. "Seventy years I have mourned you."

She closed her eyes and clutched to her brother. "I'm alive." she whispered. "I'm alive. I'm here and I'm alive."

Thor gathered her into his arms and gave a great and heavy sigh as she would swear she felt tension leaving his body. She closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling so close to Thor once more. They had grown up together, never more than a few inches away from each other, she had missed him more than she was angry at him. She had missed his engulfing hugs and how easily they would work together. Thor had always been her first partner on every battlefield and she had always covered his back when they would fight together. 

She had missed him, pure and simple. 

A sudden shrill suddenly pierced through the air and for a moment she swore that she had seen something ripple through the very sky. Looking towards the source of the sound Thor and Loki turned their heads and dimly saw a black cloud dispersing from the sky onto the ground. 

Or perhaps an invasion coming to Earth.

"We need to go." she said already jumping to her feet. Thor joined her and the wig fell to the ground among the plants and dirt forgotten by both of them. 

Judging how Thor stepped over it he was not in the slightest concerned about it in any way.

"Also, there is something I still do not understand." Thor said as he summoned Mjolnir into his hands once more. "Back on the fortress. You overcame the scepters attempts to control you and...There was ice everywhere. You do not have your magic, where did the ice come from?"

"Oh that." Loki said. She remembered the mission to Siberia Fury had sent her, Natasha, and Clint to all those months ago. Memories filled her as she remembered falling into the ice coated lake, how at first she had felt as if she was going to freeze to death before everything suddenly became...normal. 

She remembered how Clint had screamed when they finally managed to pull her out, her entire body blue and not moving. She then remembered how shrilly he had screamed when she had looked up at him still blue with almost carved markings on her skin and red eyes. How everything had faded when she had gotten back into warmth.

"I'm apparently a Jotun." she answered as she went into Thors arms. She could hear him sputtering and before he could say a word she looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to hear this story or do you want to save New York?"

His mouth closed and his only answer was for him to swing Mjolnir and to launch the both of them into the sky towards the oncoming invasion.

\-----------------------------------

Loki looked up from her latest knitting project when the knock practically vibrated through her apartment. She placed the needles and yarn to the side as she slowly got off of her couch. Wrapping one arm around her waist she made her way to the door. 

It had been a few days since the invasion of New York. Days in which this was the first free few hours she had to herself. Steve had gone out shopping and had waved away her offering to go with him, citing the fact that her ribs were still bandaged enough for him to worry.

She still felt a bit stiff still, even after all the time that had passed; the time that the Avengers, she still snorted at the name she had never believed that Fury would have picked such a ridiculous name, the time that the Avengers had banded together and fought to protect the Earth. 

She got to the door and opened it, she started in surprise at seeing Thor on her doorstep. 

"Thor." she said leaning in her doorway. "What...what are you doing here?"

He shifted almost uncomfortably as her eyes went to his hair, she still hadn't gotten used to seeing it so short and damaged. "I...I came to see you." he said looking at her. "I know you got hurt and I wanted to make sure that you're alright. And...I am still quite curious about what you said, that you said you are a Jotun."

She gave a small nod. "I'm fine, just a bit sore. Nothing I can't deal with." She considered him for a long moment before she stepped to the side. “Come on in."

A relieved look broke across his face and he eagerly came into her and Steve’s apartment. He placed Mjolnir on the coat rack, to her amusement it held up, and looked around her apartment. She walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on. 

"Anthony said that he was inviting everyone to live in his compound." Thor said going to her shelves and peering at the pictures. Some of them were in black and white, showing their age something she had taken care to preserve, others were in color. "Why have you not agreed? You would be closer to your friends."

Loki gave a half shrug as she went back to her couch and picked up her knitting once more. "This place is my home." she said simply. "I've lived here for a while and Steve and I have tried our best to make it our home. We're not ready to give it up just yet."

Thor gave a slow nod as his eyes fell on a picture of her and Steve, more specifically on two pictures of her and Steve. The first was in black and white and had the both of them in their military issued uniforms and the both of them were standing straight with a look of seriousness on their faces. The second one was more recent and more relaxed, with Loki on Steve’s back and him carrying her with the both of them grinning at the camera. 

"You and Steven." Thor said slowly. Loki immediately tensed up at his words. "You two...are quite close. Living together in the same quarters even."

Loki nodded as she started to count her stitches once more, picking up where she had left off easily. "We are."

Thor straightened up and looked over the pictures once more. "Are you..." he seemingly was searching for the proper word to use in the situation that he knew. “Are you...content?"

She had to laugh slightly at his choice of words, although she knew exactly where his hesitancy was coming from so she tried not to laugh at him too hard or too much. 

"I am very content." she answered simply. "More so than I have ever been in a very, very long time."

Thor nodded in approval of her answer. "Steven is a good man." was all he said. "A good leader and a morally right man from what I have seen of him. I approve." He turned to look at her. "Now, Jotun?"

Shaking her head in bemusement she continued to knit, it was something that relaxed her and gave her something to focus on when she didn't want to focus on anything. As well as the fact that she was making something that could be put to use, especially for her friends. She had already made a woolen eye patch for Fury, something he had accepted with his usual tact but did wear when it got cold in the winter, and scarves for all her friends in various colors; black and red for Natasha, purple and black for Clint, red, white, and blue for Steve. She was currently making a golden and red one for Tony now as well as a purple and green one for Bruce.

"I fell into an ice covered lake on a mission once." she said conversationally. "I was pulled out completely blue and with no complaints, I actually felt good there."

She pulled the yarn a bit to get it into place and started again. "I don't know where it is from, maybe it is from the Allfathers mother Bestla, she was a Jotun as well and maybe it just skipped a generation to me. I...I don't think so..."

Thor was paying close attention to her now, she couldn't remember the last time she had his attention in such a way. "What do you mean?"

She glanced up at him for a moment. "Thor, what color hair is the Allfather and mother?"

"Blonde." he said running a hand through his cropped hair. "Like mine."

"And each of their parents?" she twirled the needle through one of the holes to make a design. 

"Various shades of blonde as well." he answered, his eyes widened as he slowly realized what she was trying to say. "No. Loki, no."

"And what color hair do I have?" she asked throwing her head back slightly to show it off a bit. 

"Loki, you are my sister." Thor protested. "That can't...it's not right! You are my sister!"

"You know back at the hospital you were at when you were human?" she asked getting up to go to her desk. Opening a drawer she pulled out a folder. "They took blood from you, SHIELD took it as well. Once they realized everything around the Earth and beyond they were eager to get as much information as possible."

He nodded. "And?"

"So I did a few tests of my own, in secret of course." she said pulling out a sheet of paper. One line held Thors bloodwork information and the other line held hers. She extended it towards him. "I did a test of shared genes and DNA, to see if we were truly blood related, once I realized that I was a Jotun I got a bit curious."

Thor took the paper from her and slowly read it, his mouth moved wordlessly as he read the final line: No Shared Parentage.

She carefully took the paper back from him and placed in back in the folder and then replaced it into the drawer once more which she closed softly. She turned to looked at him. "I'm not your sister Thor."

He jumped to his feet, driven to anger as his hands curled into fists and his eyes narrowed. "The Allfather has much to explain now." he said firmly and almost coldly. "He has hidden enough secrets and I am done being played the fool. I will demand answers the moment I return." He looked up at her and crossed the distance so he could take her hands in his. "You are my sister." he said firmly, his voice allowing no argument. "We were raised together, we've played together, and we’ve fought together. Blood does not make everything, it is the bond that we share. You are my sister and if anyone tries to tell me otherwise I will rip them apart limb from limb." 

Loki smiled at him, her eyes momentarily going to the mess of hair and scars on his head, and stood on her toes in order to kiss his cheek. "I know. And you're right."

The kettle whistled then and she went to the kitchen to pour the both of them drinks. The ends of her pajama pants, which were actually Steve’s that she had temporarily confiscated, dragged along the floor slightly as she padded to the kitchen. "Coffee or tea?" she asked over her shoulder. 

"Coffee." Thor said almost immediately brightening. "I have developed a fondness for the drink."

Loki shook her head in amusement. "Of course you would." she said preparing two cups, one tea for her and one coffee for Thor and took them back to the living room where Thor was now sitting on the couch waiting for her. "When are you going back?"

"Two days I believe." Thor answered accepting his cup with a nod of thanks. "I...I came here to ask a favor of you."

She had a good idea of what he was going to ask but she might as well listen to what he had to say. "What?" she asked curling up on her couch with her feet tucked underneath her. 

He looked up at her, his face beseechingly pleading. "I want you to come back home with me to Asgard."

She was right, she knew exactly what he was going to ask. "No." she said simply taking a sip of her tea. 

"Why?" he asked pleadingly. "Asgard is your home sister, I...I need you to come home. It is not the same without you."

She couldn't stop the feeling of warmth going through her at the words and she didn't try. "Thank you, but my answer is the same. No." she blew at her tea to cool it down and took another sip. "I am home Thor, Earth is my home now."

"But..." Thor looked lost for a moment and she wanted to comfort him, but he needed to realize what she was saying. "But...sister. I need you, by my side as you have always been."

"I understand that but I am making my choice and it is no." Loki said firmly, her tone allowing no argument. "I want to stay here just as much as you want me to go back. Thor." she said her voice steeling over slightly. "I have always respected you and your choices, now it is your turn. I'm staying here. I'm staying home."

Thor opened his mouth to protect, to plead, to do something however he slowly closed it. He drank from his own cup slowly and closed his eyes. 

"Your coffee is...rather good." he said quietly. "I haven't tried that many but...yours is better."

She breathed out a small breath of amusement. "Thank you."

He nodded. "There is no coffee on Asgard." he suddenly said. He looked up at her directly into her eyes. "I will miss it."

"Do...do you want to take some back with you?" she asked slowly, not quite understand what he was trying to do.

Thor immediately shook his head. "It won't be the same." he stated peering into his cup. "That just means that whenever I have a craving for it...I'll just...come and visit...and have coffee with you."

Understanding settled through her and she smiled brightly at Thor, reaching over to place her hand over his. "Whenever you want, brother." she said simply. 

Thor smiled back at her and together the siblings slowly drank their respective drinks in a comfortable silence.

\-----------------------------------

"Nanna has escaped?" she repeated, her voicing rising until it was practically shrilling piercing the air. “She has no magic, she has no skills with the knives or any other weapons and most of all she has no idea how to fight. Who the hell did you have guarding her!?"

Fury’s annoyed face was on the screen with a scowl on his face. "Don't lecture to me Serpent." he said curtly. "Nanna has not only disappeared but she has taken the tesseract and its container with her." With a practiced air he ignored Loki’s groan. "She has disappeared and we are not sure where she has gone. All we have is a blue light from the tesseracts container and then, she's gone."

"Asgard." Thor said immediately. "She has gone to Asgard, that is where we were trying to program the tesseract to take us."

Natasha gave a slow nod. "But what is she hoping to accomplish?" she asked. She looked up at Thor. "Is...is Nanna even sane?"

Thor hesitated to answer and he gave a half glance towards Loki who stared at him warily. "Somewhat." he admitted. "She is sane enough to know what she is doing and that what she is doing is wrong but...she is not completely mentally well." Loki’s hands curled into fists beside her. "She has not been well for many years now."

"You said that the road back to your home was damaged." Bruce said from his place against the wall. Thor nodded in affirmation. "And the tesseract was your only hope in returning home." Another nod. "Alright, let's say she is going to Asgard, how are we supposed to help?"

At that Thor didn't have an answer. His hands were curled around one another in front of him as he thought. 

"We need to find a find from Midgard to Asgard." Thor said slowly, still deep in thought. Loki immediately looked at the screen instead of him. "There are paths, paths between the realms, known only..." his voice trailed off and she didn't have to look behind her to know that he was looking at her with his mouth wide open. "Known only to one."

Almost unbidden her eyes went to the map on the screen, her eyes already falling on the point that they would need to. 

"No." she said stubbornly crossing her arms across her chest. "No. I already did my part, why should I do more; especially when it would come to defending Asgard?" she had sneered the last word. "Not after Asgard threw me away."

"Sister." Thor said beseechingly at the same time Steve said "Loki."

She stubbornly turned her back on the both of them. "No." she said firmly. "Why should I lift a hand to help those that tossed me away? I don't have to do a damn thing for them."

A familiar hand went down onto her shoulder and she closed her eyes and turned her head to avoid looking at the person. 

"Loki." Clint said. "Innocent people."

That was all he said and in all honesty that was all he needed to say as she felt her resistance break away. She couldn't condemn the innocent because of the guilty, she never could and both Clint and Natasha knew that. With an annoyed yell she stood and looked at Tony who had been watching the entire spectacle and raised his eyebrow at her. 

"Get me a jet." she ordered. He gave her a mock salute as he already had his tablet out in his hands and was tapping away the orders. "We need to get to one of the highest points in Antarctica."

\-----------------------------------

"Loki!" Tony called out from his place at the side where he was gripping onto the leather strap for practically dear life, he sounded as if he regretted deeply either not flying beside them in his suit or the fact that he had not only been the one to give Loki the jet but had been the one to trust her enough to fly to their destination. "Are you sure about this?" Natasha, Clint, Steve, and surprisingly Thor were all sitting calmly in their seats, they knew her enough to trust her in this situation.

"If it were easy!" she called back over her shoulder not looking away from the ice berg they were headed towards, her eyes zeroing in on the small almost nonexistent hole. "Everyone would do it!"

"Are you insane?" Bruce yelled back, he was practically dancing in his seat as he gripped at the sides and his face was starting to become tinted green. 

"Somewhat, why?" Loki replied back as her thumb pressed against the switch under the controller and the jet begun to fold in on itself. "Hang on!"

Parts and pieces of the jet were knocked away from the impact upon going through the hole, it barely made it as whole as it did, and as they continued to fly through the crevice slowly sparks and rainbow colored lights started to appear at their sides. She could hear Thors delighted laughter behind her before she felt the distantly familiar crunch and moment of breathlessness that accompanied travel through the realms. 

There was a blast of white light that blinded her for a moment before they came out on the other side of the mountain. She quickly flipped another switch to steady them in the air and the unfortunately familiar sight of a golden castle surrounded by almost equally golden towers and buildings met their eyes. 

"Everyone." she called back as she steadily flew them closer. "Welcome to Asgard."


	16. Chapter 16

Loki had found some sort of satisfaction in using her hands over the years, painting and martial arts and dancing and instruments and in honesty anything and everything that she could use her hands was always welcomed and sought after. Knitting had always become a personal favorite because she was able to create things and give them to her friends.

Surprisingly chores weren’t that much of a bother to her, after living her entire life in Asgards castles and having servants looking after she was doing.

Clint sat at the table slowly sipping from a cup of coffee, he would always claim that he liked it black, “Like a man takes it Lokes.” he would tell her but she and Natasha knew that he really liked his coffee with milk, four sugars, and if it was winter time some cinnamon sprinkled on top of it, whipped cream in the summer time.

Now he was just drinking it with milk and sugar, she had run out of whipped cream and Steve had used the last of the cinnamon to make a pie that Clint had eagerly ate his piece as well.

She was washing dishes at the sink she realized, dishes from the dinner she and Steve had been having at the time when they had gotten the call that Nanna had escaped SHIELD. They didn’t have the time to wash them before leaving so they had just thrown them into the sink to leave them for when they came back.

“So,” Clint said leaning back in his chair and spreading his legs out in front of him, the perfect picture of ease and relaxation. “Tell me about your banishment.”

\--------------------------------

“Whoa.” Loki could hear someone behind her breathe out, she wasn’t sure who it was and she paid no attention to it, focusing on a familiar figure in the distance.

“Nanna in sight.” she said as she flew the aircraft towards the other Asgargian. “Alright guys plan, we need a plan and we need it five minutes ago.”

“We need to stop her.” Thor said clenching his hammer tighter as he watched Nanna fighting the other soldiers with the scepter she had managed to steal back. “Before she kills anymore people.”

“Easier said than done, we still don’t know everything that that thing can do.” Bruce said, his voice strained. When Loki glanced at him he saw his skin was slightly spotted green. 

Loki glanced around at everyone else she came to a decision, and took a deep breath, looking at Thor and unbuckling herself. 

“Thor.” she said in a commanding voice which allowed no argument. “Get me down there.”

\--------------------------------

"After Thyrm, after what happened with Sleipnir, Odin was furious with me." Loki said as she folded her clean laundry, all of the washing machines were whirling, filled to the brim with dirty clothes.

Across from her Clint frowned, folding the wrong socks together and rolling them into a ball, throwing them into his bag. "Didn't he order you to do anything to stop him?"

She nodded as she smoothed out her shirt on the table before she started to fold it. “What he says and how he wants it to be done is two completely different things.”

“So you distracted the horse and made it run after you.” Clint summarized. “And the baby...”

Loki shrugged. “I consented.” she said. “I did want it, he was handsome and I wasn’t a virgin, although Odin did think I was.”

Clint had a sympathetic look on his face. “I take it he wasn’t pleased.”

She gave a snort. “He took the child born from me, cast spells to ensure he would stay a horse, and claimed it as his mare. No, he wasn’t pleased.”

He shook his head and threw his boxers into the bag. “He told you to do anything.” he repeated. 

“I don’t know what he wanted, I just did what I thought I could do.” Loki said, carefully finishing packing and hoisting it onto her shoulder. 

As they walked past the washing machines each one stopped circling and shut off.

\--------------------------------

Despite Steve’s and Clint’s protests Thor had picked her up easily bridal style and opened the door, jumping out into the air and letting the both of them take flight, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck.

“What is your plan?” Thor asked her as they flew, the ground rapidly approaching as well as the Asgardian soldiers. 

She could also see Odin and the Warriors Three and Lady Sif there as well. 

Loki didn’t answer, she tightened her grip and tried to calm down her suddenly rapidly beating heart.

\--------------------------------

Loki slowly moved over the ice, her legs moving carefully as she skated. Clint had two ski poles in hand to make sure he didn’t fall.

“So he took the kid and made it his ride.” Clint summarized once more. “What happened after that?”

“He tried to find a way to put everything under the rug.” Loki said, her skin slightly spotted blue. “So the best option he had was to marry me to one of his most trusted and highest generals, Tyr.”

Clint nodded, pressing the poles into the ground to stay in place. “He wasn’t a good guy.”

“He was boasting that he would be deflowering the ice princess and that he and his line was going to have a shot at the throne.” Loki said turning in place. “Odin wouldn’t listen, he said that I had brought enough shame to the family that he didn’t care what I say. That he was trying to give me back some honor that I had lost.”

“And you didn't take that lying down.” Clint said with a smirk. 

Loki answered back with a smirk of her own. “I tried to make a guard, I tried to create Fenris.”

The snow and ice started to melt around them slowly, cracks opening in the ice as they stared at each other.

\--------------------------------

Once they touched down on the ground Loki jumped out of Thors arms and turned towards Nanna, ignoring the others on the ground with her. She could hear Sif saying something, Fandral and Volstagg were exclaiming and one of them was saying her name. She spared a single glance at Odin before she turned away, not wanting to look at him or even caring what he would even think to say.

“Loki, what do we do?” Thor asked her, his hand on her arm.

She turned back to him and smiled at him. “Let me go.” she said and he immediately let go of her arm. “And stay here no matter what, protect everyone else and make sure no one gets in my way.”

Thor turned his hammer in his hands uncertainly, staring at her. “What do you mean?”

Loki continued to smile at him and then turned, walking towards where Nanna was. 

“Loki!” Thor called out to her, going towards her and reaching out to grab her arm once more. 

“Thor.” Loki said, her voice freezing Thor in place. “Please, for once, do as I say.”

She didn’t look back but after a few moments she heard Thor fly into the air once more. 

“Loki, what are you doing?” she heard Steve’s voice in her ear from the ear piece. 

“What I have to do to stop this.” she said softly. 

“No, Loki no.” Steve said, she could hear him fumbling and giving orders to the others. “You can’t just-”

“Steve.” Loki said, feeling for a moment as if she was in the office once more and Steve was whispering his last words to her from his plane. “This is my choice.”

Steve fell silent, unable to speak or even be able to honestly argue with her, knowing that she had accepted his choice all those years ago. 

“I’m here Loki.” he said softly, his voice straining even as Clint was shouting the background. She could dimly hear Tony and Natasha as well. “I’m here.”

Loki nodded and licked her lips as she walked down the road, one step at a time, feeling oddly...oddly calm.

\--------------------------------

“Fenris, the being that swallows the sun and one of which will bring upon the end of the world.” Clint read, a book in his hands as he walked on the treadmill.

Glancing at him Loki felt a small stab of amusement when she saw he was reading from an old torn book that Erskine had read all those years ago. 

“It says here he's your son.” he said, closing the book. 

She continued to run on the treadmill. “They also say that I gave birth to an enormous snake and a half dead girl, I created Fenris with a willing wolf and magic. Jormungar doesn't exist and Hela is her own person and ruler of Nehalem. I have never met her.”

Clint looked confused. “How do you know that the wolf is willing?”

Loki rolled her eyes. “I spoke with it, a simple translating spell.”

Clint rolled his eyes back at her. “Of course, what else would it be?”

“Shush, I’m telling my story.” Loki scolded lightly as she pressed a button to bring her cool down. “So I found a wolf and infused my magic in him, tying him to me and making him a perfect guard.”

“Odin allowed it?”

“Odin didn’t know.”

There was the sound of metal groaning and collapsing onto itself before falling to the ground. 

The both of them ignored it. 

“How’d you manage to do that?” Clint asked as he leafed through the book once more. 

Loki couldn't help the small smirk on her face. “I had ways to avoid Odin's gaze, Heimdalls too.”

The shelf containing weights fell apart, causing the weights to roll across the floor. 

“Fenris stayed by my side constantly, I played on the fact that I was the princess and therefore needed the protection.” she continued. “And he hated Tyr, would growl or snap at him whenever he got too close.”

Clint nodded slowly. “So what happened?”

She came to a slow stop and turned the machine off. Grabbing her water bottle she stepped off the machine, the moment she did the treadmill fell apart.

“Baldar happened.”

\--------------------------------

She felt almost detached as she walked towards Nanna, the other woman was staring at her in hatred and if she looked close enough, she could see the madness and insanity in Nannas eyes.

“You.” she whispered. “You, you you.” She tightened her grip on the scepter. “You took everything from me.”

“Enough.” Loki said in a surprisingly clear and precise voice. “Enough. You’ve done enough, you don’t want this.” she glanced at the ruinage and rubble. “You want me.”

“I want you dead.” Nanna spat at her. “I want your demise.”

Loki spread her arms out at her sides, inviting and open. “You have me, if you’ll stop this, if you stop hurting people, you have me.”

Nannas eyes narrowed as she stared at Loki, searching for a single bit of deception. “You deserve this, after what you did.” she whispered. “Claim it, own it, this was your work, your choice, this is all your fault and you deserve it all.”

Loki straightened up and stared Nanna straight in the eyes, refusing to look away or feel a single bit of shame in her fact and what she had done. 

“I killed Baldar.” she said firmly, unwavering, and even a touch of pride laced in her voice.

\--------------------------------

“Tyr and Baldar were close friends, they called themselves blood brothers, that they had shed blood together on the battlefield.” Loki said as she tended to her garden on the rooftop.

Clint was sitting next to her, he had been banned from helping in the garden since he couldn't tell a weed from any other flower so he had been demoted to just sitting there and listening or talking. 

"And Baldar was just like him." he guessed. 

Loki nodded and pulled at the weed, settling the flowers back into the dirt. "Entirely like him, although he did manage to hide it a lot better. He had been married to Nanna for many centuries and he had played the image of pretending to be a romantic and chivalrous man." she shook her head. "However on the battlefield and in certain times, his real persona was easy to see."

Clint wrinkled his nose and slowly nodded. "And where did he fit in, in all of this?" he asked. 

Loki carefully straightened out the flower petals. "Like I said, he was Tyr's blood brother and they had made plans with one another. Once Tyr would marry me he would be promoted to such a degree, only fitting as a husband to the princess and therefore a contender for the throne. Even Thor didn't realize how much he wanted the throne and what he was willing to do to get it."

"Seems like he would've tried to look at it better, seeing as now he had competition." Clint said dryly. 

"Thor never had competition and therefore never had to think that he wouldn't get the throne." Loki told him. "As such he never realized what other people might have been thinking about and how they would see it. Maybe if I had been born a boy he would've taken a second glance but...he and Tyr also fought together on the battlefield." she shook her head. "They were fellow warriors and Thor never wanted to think badly of a fellow warrior."

Clint sighed and dug his fingers into the grass. "So then what happened?"

"Tyr and Baldar were making plans of their own, once Tyr married me and was promoted to the highest general position that he could be, he would install Baldar in the highest one as well that he could." Loki said. "After that Baldar was tasked with turning the other soldiers against Thor. He would talk to them about how much Thor enjoyed war and craved it, how he was willing to risk everything in order to have another fight if it meant that he would be able to do as he pleased."

Loki leaned back for a moment, staring at the one flower in front of her as the others to the side started to rot and droop, falling to the ground. 

"Thor is my brother, despite everything, and I love him dearly." she said quietly. "And I always knew that he would be the king, my king. I was going to be his advisor, there was no other possibility for me at all." She shook her head. "As a girl I had no right or claim to the throne other than any sons I would have and Slepnir didn't count."

She wiped at her forehead and started to work on the lone flower in front of her once more. "I was always the calmer one, the one better with words and thoughts and advise, more often than not it was my hand on Thors arm to try to calm him down and make sure he didn't do anything rash. I couldn't pull him away but I was able to soothe him and calm him down so that he didn't end up starting another inter planetary war."

Clint slowly nodded. "Did he ever realize what you did for him?"

"I think at the end of the day he realized it but he never appreciated or thanked me for it." Loki said softly. "He knew that I only had the best in mind for him and he knew that I wasn't aiming for the throne, that I just wanted to help, it was because of that that I was able to help him calm down and help him to not lose his head, in more ways than one."

Clint smiled and laid down on the ground, watching the sky as it got darker. "So, Baldar?"

Loki nodded. "His plan was to turn the soldiers against Thor, I love him but even I will admit that he was too much in a hurry to fight, his ego and pride were too fragile and the smallest scorn towards it would immediately cause him to lose his temper." She gave a small sigh and shook her head. "So I knew that if the soldier, any soldier, would say a word against him or anything that was deemed an insult, he would take immediate and personal offense to it and he would retaliate. And the image of the crown prince losing his temper against a fellow soldier over a single word, that would never look good on him."

Clint nodded and chewed on the inside of his cheek. "So, you found out about this, how?"

"I had grown very suspicious about Tyr and Baldar, they were too eager and they were too pushy in hurrying the marriage and wanting to have everything done as soon as they could." Loki said softly, watching the flower in front of her rot slowly, its petals drifting to the ground. "So I cast a spell on myself and followed them, and I learned of their plans."

Loki closed her eyes and slumped forward just as the flower fell completely into the dirt and rotted into it. "I was terrified and I had no idea what to do, Odin refused to listen to me and I had no possibility of even convincing Thor. Not at the time regardless, I had no other proof other than my word and my word meant nothing to Odin, not anymore. Even Thor looked at me in a different way."

She opened her eyes to see the empty garden, the sun was completely darkened over at the time. And so, I knew I needed to act and I needed to act as soon as possible."

Loki took in a deep shuddering breath and slumped forward slightly. "I had my magic, I had my daggers, and I had my Fenris, I didn't think I needed anything else. I confronted them, revealed myself to them and gave them a choice, to either stop what they were doing and confess to Odin their treason and treachery to the crown, or they would face my wrath."

"They laughed at me." she said shaking her head. ""They laughed at me and called me a daft whore, Tyr knew of the rumors of the reason Odin was marrying me off, despite his best attempts the rumors had grown and spread of Slepnirs conception." She opened her hands and stared at them, dirt covered and short nailed, soft palms and hard skin. "They said that they would be doing me a favor, that at least this way I would have some dignity as queen of Asgard, even if Tyr intended on marrying another woman and making her queen."

"Magic, was never taken seriously in Asgard, it is deemed a woman’s craft and not considered a real weapon." she said. "To the most of the female magic welders, perhaps that is true. However, I learned all the magic I could, including offense and defense. I lashed out at them and I attacked them."

She curled her hands into a loose fist and closed her eyes once more. "Fenris was by my side as well, as he had promised that he would be. Once Tyr had raised his sword at me with the intent to strike me down, or cripple me I don't know, he leaped forward, biting down as hard as he could on Tyrs hand and managed to rip it off, mangling it beyond repair."

She ignored Clint’s snort and bit back a small smile of appreciation and nodded. Taking a deep breath she continued. "As Fenris had turned his attention to Tyr I was focused on Baldar, he was a great warrior and he knew how to block both my daggers and my magic. When Fenris had attacked Tyr and mangled him, Baldar had leapt to him and....and he...." she cleared her throat and took in a deep shuddering breath. "And he stabbed my Fenris, killing him almost instantly."

Clint reached out and took her hand in his, squeezing it securely, but otherwise didn't say anything. 

Loki held his hand back as tightly and nodded. "I was...Fenris was...I had grown quite fond of him, the time since I had helped to create and enhance him and until then we had gotten rather close. He had...he was making a small wish to perhaps finding a mate and having children, he had wished for me to be there as well which is a great respect from the wolves. He was fond of me as well and had decided to wait to search for a mate until he knew that I was safe and securely away from Tyr and Baldar and he..." she closed her eyes and bowed her head. "I held him in my arms as he bled out, he had licked at my hand and that was it. He was gone."

Loki opened her eyes once more and a fire had entered them. "I was...my anger was....I had no control for that time. I took his death, my Fenris's death, so heavily to my heart that it....for the first time in my life, I lost control of my magic and it lashed out. Tyr was immediately impaled, he wasn't dead, I wasn't focused on him regardless, and he was not the one that killed my Fenris."

"Baldar was a great warrior, strong and sure but in the end...he is not immortal, none of us are." Loki's voice took on a sharp tone. "I used my magic, or rather it used me, and I fought at him, lashing at him and slowly killing him, ripping him apart bit by bit. At that time, the sounds of our fights had reached the servants ears and people and soldiers were running towards us. Including Odin, Thor, and Nanna."

Loki looked up and the building that the roof they were on was slowly crumbling, the bricks falling into pieces next to them. 

"And it was in front of them that I struck Baldar down, he had a rather simple yet severe weakness, mistletoe. I summoned a weapon made from the plant, there was plenty in our gardens, and using that I entwined it with Tyrs sword, I had grabbed it from the ground, and then...I stabbed Baldar in the heart."

Loki took a deep breath and stared down at the ground once more. "And I've never once regretted doing it, my Fenris didn't deserve to be killed that way. But Nanna....she was his wife, to the others I had killed a good soldier for no reason, mangled another soldier that for all intents and purposes was to be my husband. And in the time that I had killed Baldar and the others had arrived, Tyr had already spoken to them all."

The building crumbled around them and she looked up at Clint. "And as such, I was labeled a traitor to Asgard, to the military, and to the crown."

\--------------------------------

“I killed Baldar, but I assure you, he deserved it. He was a traitor to my brother and he had no right to claim anything else.” Loki said, not caring at the look of anger on Nannas face. “He was a dishonorable scoundrel and I refuse to give my life for his.”

Nanna sneered at her, holding the scepter up and pointing it right at her. “And yet, you offer yourself here.”

Loki shook her head. “I give my life to my friends, my family.” she said, thinking of Clint and Natasha and Fury for a moment. “I give my life to my love.” Steve, she couldn’t help but think with a pang in her heart. “That is to who I give my life for.”

Nannas eyes narrowed and Loki could see her teeth were gritted together. “You little whore.” she breathed out. 

“Funny, that’s the same thing Baldar said.” Loki said with a small sneer. “Right before I struck him down, like the scum he was.”

The scepter was thrown at that, flying through the air towards her.

\--------------------------------

Clint nodded, they were sitting in a small park. There was no one else around them and only a short stretch of grass and the bench they were sitting on.

"And that's it." he said simply before standing up and stretching, he held his hand out to her. "You ready to go?"

Loki stared at him and gave a small nod, standing as well and taking his hand. "I don't....this isn't...." she let out a small sigh. "Have to say, this is not how I thought it was going to happen."

Clint smiled and rubbed his thumb against her thumb. "I know, any regrets?"

Thinking for a moment Loki shook her head. "Not really." she said softly. 

Clint nodded and leaned in closer to her, pressing their foreheads together. "Let's go." he said simply allowing her to lead the way down a small path, the road they had already gone on broke apart and disappeared with each step they took.

\--------------------------------

Loki coughed as she fell to the ground, staring up at the ground. She could hear Steve’s yelling for her and Clint’s voice screaming, she couldn’t make out any words and her vision was swimming and she couldn’t see anything that clearly anymore.

She could feel the blood rising in her throat, escaping her lips with each breath. The scepter inside of her was jostled as someone grabbed it and harshly wrenched it from her inside of her, her body following it and arching for a moment before it fell back down to the ground. 

Oddly enough she didn’t feel afraid. There was no need to be afraid of anything at that moment, she had no reason and desire for it. She’s enjoyed herself and she knew that the others would be okay, or rather she hoped for that. 

Murmuring a name, she wasn’t sure if it was Clint’s or Steve’s, she felt the last of her breath leave her body and she relaxed, no longer afraid and feeling lighter than she had in years. Her eyes fluttered to a half close and her head lolled to the side as she felt the chill slowly course through her as she finally, easily, and voluntarily, passed.

\--------------------------------

Deep in the castle of Asgard, deep down where the most dangerous weaponries in all the nine realms were stored for protection and safe keeping laid a single golden amulet in the shape of a snake wrapping into a coil. A green glow had steadily been radiating from it for years upon years’ time.

At that moment the green pulsed heavily and the golden snake cracked down the middle, letting the glow surge forward, finally freed from its containment as it gathered itself and flew through the air towards the core that had been calling to it since the moment of it being taken.

The magic surged forward towards its host.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, we’re finally here and back again. 
> 
> I haven’t realized how long it’s been. I’ve been busy beyond belief with so many things. School, work, and personal things. I’ve done some traveling and mostly I have taken my MCAT test, twice, and therefore I needed to devote myself to that. 
> 
> I’m sorry that it’s taken this long to get back to this story but I am back for now. I have time now to write and do some of the things that I love so I really hope to finish this story rather soon. 
> 
> Again, I’m sorry to all my readers and if you stayed for this long, thank you. Thank you.
> 
> And there it all is. The reason and everything else. I played around with this for a long time, and I mean for at least a year for this chapter. I changed a lot and in the end I’m still not entirely happy with this chapter but I desperately wanted to get it out for you guys. 
> 
> Half of this chapter was done in a different way than I’ve done before and I really hope you guys understood what it was about and I hope I did a good job with what was going on.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. We’re almost done.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Rating may or may not change.


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